Jana Says

Living life from cover to cover

Reflections on 6 years

by Jana 11 Comments

Six (!) years ago today I hit publish on my very first blog post. I barely remember what it was about–something money related, since this started as a personal finance blog–and I remember being nervous as fuck that my writing was now out there for other people to read but I have never once regretted starting it (Since, you know, I don’t believe in regrets). Blogging has taught me more about myself than I could have ever imagined. Not to mention the fact that I’ve met some incredible people, had some amazing experiences, and tried some things I never would have thought I’d try.

But 6 years is a long time.

I’m not even sure what I have left to say or do.

I mean, I know I have plenty. And I want and need to keep saying it. But the blogging world has changed SO MUCH since I started and honestly, I don’t know if I can keep up. Because I don’t give a shit about stats or followers or creating Pinnable images or shareable content or or witty listicles or creating a product or getting sponsors or advertising or whatever it is people are doing now and I suck at catchy titles and SEO and even responding to comments. I JUST WANT TO WRITE. I want to make readers laugh or think or realize they’re not alone or help or some combination of those. Maybe even do things I haven’t thought of yet.

But all that is hard to do when you feel like you’ve become irrelevant.

Okay, maybe irrelevant is the wrong word. Maybe private is a better one? I don’t know. I feel, lately, that what I have going on in my life isn’t anything people want to read about or I’m not comfortable sharing. Like, for the last 7 months, I’ve been working out and losing weight and I’m down just about 25 pounds. But I’m no weight loss guru, my workouts are whatever classes I take, and I cook the most boring foods around. Hard to turn that into anything worth sharing. And it’s not that I feel people wouldn’t be encouraging or supportive; in fact, I know it’s the opposite. I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that anyone genuinely cares or that it would make a difference to someone else.

See also: everything else in my life. Hence the quiet and inconsistencies.

Perhaps this is the lingering effects of depression talking. It is, after all, a lying bastard I’ve been trying to shut up for the past few months. And I know that once the fog has lifted I’ll be back to whatever normal actually is.

I appreciate all of your patience with me as I work through all of the shit cluttering my head. I know it’s been fairly morose around here when I have managed to string together a few sentences in a row. But I’m trying and while I can’t promise another 6 years, I do know that this isn’t the end.

Yet.

 

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I am tired

by Jana 14 Comments

I wish I had more to say about everything that’s happened in the two weeks since I last posted but at this point, I’m out of words. I’m broken up over Chris Cornell (and let it be known that we should not be concerned with mental health issues in the wake of a celebrity suicide. We need to be concerned EVERY SINGLE DAY because suicide is real and tragic and hopefully, one day, completely preventable), I’m broken over the bombing in Manchester, I’m angry and frustrated that nothing, NOTHING, seems to affect 45’s administration, and I’m to the point that constant vigilance has left me exhausted

Of hatred

Of bombings and senseless murders

Of ignorance

Of injustice

Of rhetoric

Of lies

Of party lines

Of discrimination

Of empty promises

Of bullying

Of pettiness

Of nonsensical bullshit.

But yet, despite all of that, I am hopeful.

That common sense will prevail

That unity will happen

That discrimination will end

That compassion and love will win.

And that’s all I’ve got today.

 

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Weekly six pack, 2017, v16

by Jana 7 Comments

Short recap coming to you live from Disney World where my daughter is competing at the D2 Summit. It’s like the Super Bowl of cheerleading but only for small gyms (large gyms were last weekend and Worlds the weekend before that. So there’s 3 Super Bowls which is weird but so is cheerleading). 

Reading. Still going through Confessions and A Colony in a Nation. Picked up Exit West from the library. Nothing from NetGalley. Thanks to all who participated in Show Us Your Books. Next one is June 13.

Watching. Twin Peaks. Even though I’m old, I was only 12 or 13 when the original came out and since the revival happens soon and it’s on On Demand, I’m giving it a shot. And you know? It holds up.

Using. Dryer balls. Now, I had no clue what they were or what they did but then a very nice woman in Bed Bath and Beyond explained them to me and now I’m hooked. I might use up the dryer sheets I’ve bought unless Pinterest can give me something else to do with them but I have gone over the to the dryer ball side. Also, mine look like hedgehogs. I might buy the fish ones, too. You know. For variety.

Fuming. Over the firing of James Comey. Rather than a long rant that I’m sure others have said more eloquently than I, I’ll leave you with this:

Celebrating. Barkley 13th birthday! I can’t believe our first baby is an old, old man and I hope he sticks around forever.

Laughing. Or forced to resign or whatever gets him the fuck out of the White House.

Speaking of Mother’s Day, I want to wish all of you a happy Mother’s Day if your kids walk on two legs, four legs, three legs, if you’re a step-parent, an aunt, a grandmother, a something that can’t be labeled. I’m grateful for all the strong women in my daughter’s life because they influence her just as much as I do, and she needs their perspective and input and encouragement and guidance and mentoring. It’s what makes her well-rounded and lets her know there’s a number of people she can count on.

That said, have a great weekend and I’ll see you back here next week at some point!

 

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Weekly six pack, 2017 v16

by Jana 13 Comments

Reading. Finished All Grown Up. Started The Girl Before and have A Colony in a Nation planned for the weekend. Requested Celeste Ng’s new book from NetGalley and picked up Homesick for Another World from the library. Show Us Your Books on Tuesday!

Watching. The Handmaid’s Tale and season 1 of Fargo (which takes place in Minnesota so I’m very confused with the misnomer). Hulu free trial FTW!

Using. Duolingo. Remember how I mentioned that one of my nongoal goals was to relearn basic French? I’ve been doing it for a few months now using Duolingo, which is an app I heard about from my daughter’s school (they encourage the kids to use it for reinforcement of the Spanish they’re learning). It’s free, you can earn prizes (think gold stars), and if any of you decide to use it for French and want to start a club, let me know!

Wondering. If any of you guys have heard about some of the readathons that happen throughout the year. I’m thinking about starting one and am curious to know if there’d be interest.

Raging. I’m pretty sure you guys knew this was coming but OH MY FUCKING GOD. This healthcare situation is out of fucking control and the fact that the motherfuckers in office are more worried about hurting Obama’s legacy (too bad. You can’t) than protecting those they’re elected to protect is sending my rage to unprecedented levels. Because if you have the audacity to be poor, have a vagina or a preexisting condition or mental health issues, or are anything other than a healthy rich white man, you are fucked (I’m not even going to discuss calling sexual assault and domestic violence preexisting conditions. I can’t. Not if I want to get through the rest of this post). FUCKED. It’s telling that I now have better access to medical care for my pets than poor people will for their children. My only hope is that this gets voted down in the Senate. I’m confident it won’t because party lines before people is the new mantra of our government but it’s worth mentioning. Because sometimes a small dissenting few can have the biggest impact.

Donating. Five years ago, my cousin and his wife had their twins, born at 25 weeks. One of the twins passed at 5 months but the other, who celebrates his birthday on Saturday, spent roughly the first year of his life in the NICU, most of that time at CHOP (Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia). Knowing how hard life is in the NICU, his wife is doing a Posh fundraiser to help pamper the parents of those babies. Of course I donated and if you want to as well, please let me know and I’ll send you the information if you can’t read it in the image below.

Have a great weekend! See you on Tuesday when we talk books!

 

 

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My spring break: The good, the bad, the mundane

by Jana 17 Comments

So my spring break turned into a 2 week break. I almost made it a third but you know. I missed it around here.

I have a couple of pretty heavy content posts planned over the next couple of weeks (but don’t forget Show Us Your Books next Tuesday, May 10!) so I figured that for now, we’ll recap what happened over my break (hint: nothing too exciting).

The Good

  • Went to the dentist and had no cavities!
  • I can do push-ups on my toes now
  • I’ve gone down a full pants size
  • My little sister got engaged!
  • Got a free trial of Hulu for The Handmaid’s Tale and discovered that season 1 of Fargo is on there, too #win
  • Celebrated my 13th wedding anniversary
  • Won an Amazon dot and an Amazon gift card

The Bad

  • The sushi making class the husband and I were supposed to take for our anniversary was canceled
  • Finished none of the projects I’d planned to
  • My depression is kicking my ass (more about that on Thursday)

The Rest

  • Read 5 books, put some on hold but still managing to keep the library list under control
  • Watched the newest season of Bosch in its entirety. In one day #beastmode
  • Finally bought the child a new bed
  • Ate my body weight in M&Ms #vitaminM
  • Learned the hard way not to wear my Converse with no socks on a 3 mile walk (why a 3 mile walk? See above about the M&Ms)
  • Possibly adopting a third dog. Long story short, my neighbors have a dog they take shitty care of, asked us if we would take him, we said yes but they had to split the cost of neutering, they disappeared, we mourned not getting him and moved on, they reappeared and asked us again, and now we’re not 100% sure what to do. If I had to guess, by June we’ll have a new addition
  • T minus 11 days to the child’s cheer competition in Disney World. It’s been all cheer, all the time. Looking forward to a break from that

I think that’s the highlights. I probably missed something but most likely it’s nothing earth shattering. And rereading this list, I realize my life is incredibly boring but I think boring is necessary sometimes.

So tell me. What’s happened with you since I’ve been gone?

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