Jana Says

Living life from cover to cover

Celebrating the holidays without shopping

by Jana 16 Comments

So here we are. Holiday season 2012. Thanksgiving has been overshadowed by Black Friday and people’s wallets and budgets are hurting in order to make sure that underneath the Christmas tree is brimming with presents. It’s also the time of year when people are extremely generous, giving to all different types of charities.

It can get very expensive.

For me, though, I’m having to scale back a bit this year. My husband and I began living on one income about 6 months ago and there isn’t as much money to go around. Our daughter also has a December birthday and we celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah in our house. While we do a good job of managing December without incurring any debt, this year, we’re trying to focus on activities that provide as much joy as receiving gifts but cost a whole lot less money.

Because for us, it’s about the whole spirit of the season rather than receiving gifts (I know that sounds like a crock but I promise it’s true). We really do enjoy the whole atmosphere of the holidays and we’re trying to focus more on spending time as a family rather than buying a tremendous amount of gifts. To do that, we’ve compiled a list of activities for us to do together:

  • Read. There is an abundance of holiday books, particularly for kids. Our daughter loves to read so we’ve been going to the library to pick out some books featuring her favorite characters (Marley, Dewey, Fancy Nancy, Pinkalicious) in holiday settings. My husband also has his childhood copy of “T’was the Night Before Christmas” that we read together.  Each night we take turns picking out which stories we read and sometimes, we even make up our own.
  • Bake. One of my hobbies is baking. I love to do it and I love to find new recipes (my husband enjoys this as well). For this holiday season, I’ve been exploring fun, creative ways to bake some favorite holiday treats like fudge and cookies but I’m also trying out some new ones. My daughter is the best kitchen helper I can ask for and the time we spend baking is much better than time spent shopping for yet another Barbie doll.
  • Tour the Christmas lights. I heart Christmas lights. A lot. They’re so pretty and festive and fun. Fortunately, my family also enjoys the lights as much as I do so it’s not unusual for us to get in our car and drive around, looking at lights. In years past, we’ve also gone down to Ocean City, MD to explore their Winterfest of Lights. It’s relaxing, inexpensive and really, really beautiful and well done. When we’re done, it gives us something to talk about as well as ideas for what we might like to do with our house the next year (which we never actually do. Our house is way too small).
  • Take advantage of free activities. I suppose we’re lucky. Where we live, there is an abundance of free family activities during the holiday season. For instance, we can go to our local library and build a gingerbread house (cost—cans of food for the local food bank). We can go to a local apple orchard and meet Santa (outdoors and way less crowded than the mall. And there are no stores to tempt us). There’s a free Christmas music concert. The list goes on. It’s a way for us to enjoy some activities as a family without spending any money. And it’s fun!
  • Establish our own traditions. Every year, we have a Christmas movie marathon. We have a number of DVDs and we’ll have a day or two where all we watch is Christmas movies (poor Hanukkah gets left out. I refuse to watch Adam Sandler’s “Eight Crazy Nights” and I don’t know of any other Hanukkah movies). All of that culminates with “A Charlie Brown Christmas”. Yes, it’s a lot of TV but it’s a family tradition. Just like eating spaghetti and meatballs on Christmas Eve and opening one stocking gift. It may be quirky but it works for us and these are the memories that are most important.

The commercialism of the holiday season really does annoy my husband and I. As parents, we feel that we have an obligation to teach our daughter those same values. By finding alterative activities that we can do as a family and don’t cost a lot of money, we feel that we’re off to a good start. And by occupying our time this way, it’s less time we think about shopping and more time creating lasting family memories.

 

4 ways to find more time for fun

by Jana 9 Comments

A few weeks ago, an acquaintance on Facebook posted the question (and I’m paraphrasing because my memory sucks lately and I can’t remember the exact wording but I promise you’ll get the point) “Is there a time version of living paycheck to paycheck? You know, when you run out of time and there’s no possible way to add more?”

It struck me as an interesting question. Because really, it’s not that we run out of time. It’s just that we use our time poorly.

I know I’m guilty of that more often than I care to admit. Especially when it comes to finding time for myself and activities I enjoy.

And I’ve been trying to get better. It’s an exhausting feeling to spend every day running from place to place, eating in your car, attached to your iPhone, never feeling like you can truly relax. In fact, after I spend a few days like that, I start to have an anxiety attack which then means I can’t sleep which then means I’m forgetful and grumpy the next day. It’s a horrible way to live.

To prevent myself from feeling like that every single day, I’ve been using some strategies to control the amount of time I spend on things I have to do versus things I want to do (because there is a difference. And for me, when I’m spending my time on things I want to do, I don’t feel like I run out of time. It’s only when the obligations exceed the fun activities that I feel short on time).

Limit my daughter’s activities

This doesn’t just help control costs. This helps control time. One of the biggest complaints that I hear from my friends who are also parents is how tired they are of carting their kids around from activity to activity. It sucks up all of their “me” time and after a while, gets to be really bothersome. I don’t want to do that. So, I allow my daughter to participate in no more than 3 activities (one of them is completely free and she only goes when she feels like it since it’s ongoing) per week. And they have to be on different days. No running from one activity to another. She still needs time to do homework and be a kid. It works well for me because I’m not spending every afternoon and evening driving my exhausted, overworked, and stressed child around and I get to use that free time to do fun things with her like bake cookies or write stories.

Use a timer

There are tasks I don’t like to do. Folding laundry. Cleaning toilets. Emptying the dishwasher. But all of them need to get done. To prevent these necessary tasks from taking over my day, I employ the very common technique of using a timer. I’ll set the timer on my phone or the microwave and complete whatever I can in that amount of time. I’ve found that it works on several fronts: one, the tasks get done; two, I move a lot faster because I feel like I’m in a race; three, I know that when I’m done, I get to put them behind me and move on to something I enjoy. If I have a lot of tasks to accomplish, I’ll ask my family to help. We’ll each take a part of the house and get done whatever we can in the fixed amount of time we’ve established.

Say no

I love saying no. It’s very freeing. There are people I know who accept invitations to every event they are invited to. They seriously never say no. I think they feel that if they do say no, they’ll be looked down upon or people will be mad at them. I guess I’m weird because I don’t care about that shit. First of all, saying yes to every invitation can get expensive. And we don’t have that kind of money. Second, I don’t want to say yes to every invitation from every person because honestly? There are some people I just don’t like and I don’t want to spend more time with them than I have to. And, on top of all of this, by saying no, I don’t feel like my time is owned by someone else. I get to decide how I spend my time rather than someone else dictating it. This isn’t to say that I turn down every invitation. Quite the opposite. But now that I’m working on owning my time, I feel better about saying no to an event I really don’t want to attend.

Sneak in fun activities

Call me a bad mother if you want, but I don’t feel the need to watch every moment of my child’s swimming lesson or cheerleading practice. Yes, I do watch and yes, I do engage but there’s only so much you can do sitting on the sidelines. So, I bring a book to read. Or I spend a few minutes catching up on Words with Friends. Or I’ll peruse Facebook. Or write down blog post ideas. Stuff like that. Even though I’m stagnant, there’s no reason I can’t take a few minutes to do something enjoyable. And, if I need to, I’ll do some work from my phone (thank you, apps that make my life easier). These times, when my child is busy and I’m actively avoiding parents I can’t stand, are wonderful times to work on something for myself.  Oh, yeah. And I’ll admit it. Sometimes I offer to run an errand and I’ll take a few extra minutes to browse and spend some time alone.

It’s not a perfect system at all. But these few steps ensure that I’m getting everything done that I need to, that I’m not overtaxed and that I still have some time left over to engage in activities I enjoy. I’ve always been pretty good at time management for obligations; these methods are helping me get better at time management for fun.

Readers, how do you manage your time so that you strike a balance between obligations and fun?

My kid ate what?!

by Jana 13 Comments

Since I’m at FinCon12 this week, please enjoy this post from an old blog of mine. Trust me when I say that this is the first of many child inspired posts that will be coming your way shortly (hey, I spend a lot of time with her…I need to get something out of it)!

Because everything about this screams “delicious”.

As a parent, I try to be very careful about what my child eats. I try to limit sugars, fat, preservatives…all the standard stuff you hear parents say. I’m not perfect and I do let things slide from time to time. I’ve accepted my imperfection with that. Unfortunately, there is one food she ate that will definitely keep me out of the parenting hall of fame.

Once upon a time, when my daughter was an infant and toddler, we fed the dogs in the kitchen. They each had their own bowl of food which was left out for them to graze on throughout the day. It was a method that worked well for our family and we weren’t about to change it. We were happy. Until one day…

I believe it was around dinner time. I was doing something at the stove and my daughter was playing on the floor with some toys or books. She was happy, quiet and content and I went about my business of cooking dinner. Periodically, I would turn around to check on her. I think all of three minutes elapsed between one check and another and when I turned around, I saw my darling daughter sitting in front of the dog bowls.

At first, I thought it was harmless. I thought she was just trying to encourage one of the dogs to eat. But then I saw it. The moment that changed our happy eating arrangements. I saw my daughter eating from the dog bowl.

She sat there, happy as could be, giant smile on her face and her mouth stuffed with kibble. She looked like a squirrel storing nuts for the winter. It was horrifying. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry so I did the only rational thing I could think of. I screamed.

I think the sound that came out of my mouth were “Ohmygodchildwhataredoinggetthatoutofyourmouthrightnow!!!” This exclamation/declaration was followed by me bolting across the kitchen. Keep in mind, I don’t move quickly. I am slow and I am short. However, I think I made it across my entire kitchen in under 2 seconds. I made Usain Bolt look like a slug.

And then in what was a stealth, ninja-esque move, my hands were inside my daughter’s mouth, scooping out literally a handful of half-chewed kibble. From each cheek. It was the most disgusting thing I have ever had to do. As a parent, you expect to do gross things. Change a poopy diaper, clean up blood or vomit, play in piles of dirt, etc. Never do you expect that you will scoop half-eaten dog food out of your toddler’s mouth. But that’s what I had to do. I couldn’t let her swallow it because all I had was visions of rushing her to the emergency room and having to explain why my poor little daughter was writhing in pain while smelling like kibble and then having to defend to DFS that she did it voluntarily and it wasn’t some twisted punishment and having them not believe me.

With those fears tucked firmly inside my head, I extracted the kibble with the precision of a drunk elephant. But I got it out. Then I was presented with another dilemma. Where do I put the mushy, saliva covered, slimy mound of ick that was in my hands? I still can’t remember what I did with it. I’d like to think I threw it in the trash but I’m pretty sure I just threw it on the kitchen floor to deal with later (though I’m also pretty sure that the dogs ate it. After all, it was pre-chewed. Less work for them).  I couldn’t deal with it at that exact moment because I had now become all consumed with disinfecting my child’s mouth.

I remember bringing her to the bathroom to brush her teeth. A lot. Like Lady MacBeth hand-washing a lot. At first I thought I was brushing her teeth just to get the nastiness of the dog food out of her mouth but as the event progressed, I realized I was also brushing her teeth to get the smell of the dog food off her breath. Let me tell you, if you think dog food breath is bad on a dog, it’s 10x worse on a child.

After about 5 or 6 brushings, I gave up. I resigned myself to the fact that I did the best I could, even if she smelled like kibble. At least she didn’t ingest any and we would not have a midnight visit from DFS.

But something happened that day that temporarily transformed my daughter. I’m not saying there’s anything magical in the dog food but for about 6 months after that, she developed an affinity for sitting in the dog crates, both with and without the dogs. It remains the strangest habit she’s ever had (and believe me when I say she’s had many strange habits over the last 3 1/2 years).  She’s outgrown it now, thankfully, but we were concerned for a bit.

So there it is. My kid ate dog food and then temporarily thought she was a dog. I can’t imagine she’s the only one to ever do this. Please tell me I’m not wrong. Please?!

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My kid’s love of swimming could help her financial future

by Jana 7 Comments

My husband and I often say that we’re going to take our daughter, find what she’s good at and exploit that skill until she’s made us so wealthy we can afford to retire from our jobs and do whatever we feel like doing.

Clearly, we’re kidding. We’re not that cruel.

But underneath the joking, there is a valid point (I swear. Stick with me for a few more sentences and I’ll get to it). We want to encourage our daughter to explore and find what she’s good at because, in the long run, you never know how it can pay off.

For instance, my sister has been a dancer for most of her life. She was on her college’s dance team, she’s found part-time jobs teaching dance and now, she hopes to combine her love of dance with a graduate degree and create a full-time job. Yes, our parents spent money on costumes, lessons, and everything that goes with it, but a passion and a talent have turned into a potential career. Which means that the money spent will pay for itself in the long run. So I figure, why can’t I do that with my daughter?

At this point, she’s only 5 ½ but she’s already demonstrating a love and an aptitude for swimming. For a kid who was afraid of water up until a year ago, she has taken to water like, well, a fish. She loves to swim (in fact, I’d say 75% of my summer was spent at a pool) and she’s actually quite good at it (which, incidentally, works out well because she wants to be a mermaid when she grows up). We’re okay with this as an activity because a) of the sports, it’s one of the healthier ones ; b) it’s less expensive than many of the other activities she could have chosen; and c) it’s a life skill. As a bonus, my husband and I both love swimming so it’s something we can actually help her with (as opposed to something like gymnastics or dance or ).

Everyone wins. Especially my daughter’s bank account.

We figure that, on top of swimming being a great, healthy exercise, it’s something she can possibly use for her financial gain in the following ways:

  • College scholarships. Many schools have swim teams, and many schools will pay their athletes to attend the school on a swimming scholarship. Assuming she remains as interested in swimming as she is now, and she develops her skills enough (which I believe she will. She wants join a “practice” team once she’s 6), there is a chance that she could obtain a scholarship to swim for a college. This means a few things: we get tuition help, she won’t have to take out loans, and she’ll get a really awesome opportunity to participate on a college team.
  • Summer jobs. And jobs during the school year. Her swim lessons are taught by college students, many of whom also double as lifeguards at our pool during the summer. This is a fantastic way for her to have a job doing something that she would be doing anyway—swimming. I’m not sure how much lifeguarding pays because it’s not something that I ever had the desire to do but for high schooler or college aged kid, the money is probably nothing to sneeze at. Having this kind of job will teach her responsibility, first aid, what it feels like to earn a paycheck and she’ll probably have fun. So that all works out well.
  • Entrepreneurial skills. Following in her aunt’s footsteps, there’s a chance that she can use her love of swimming into her own business. The soft skills that she learns from swimming like setting goals, showing up on time, self-discipline and hard work, working with other people to achieve an outcome, are essential to every entrepreneur. And, with her love of water, she can be a freelance swim instructor, open her own kid-friendly swim academy, do water therapy (I’m not even sure if that’s real) or a variety of other jobs that will a) pay the rent and b) give her income.

Of course, these grand plans are entirely contingent on her keeping up her love of swimming. Quite frankly, I’m not going to force her to do any activity she doesn’t enjoy regardless of the financial impact it might have on her in the future. I’d rather be broke than have my kid resent me for making participate in something she hates.

 

Using family meals for financial lessons

by Jana 18 Comments

I recently read an article detailing how family dinners are back in vogue. Although study after study shows the benefits of family dinners, for most families on the go, it was difficult to attain. However, more and more, families are starting to once again realize the benefits of sitting down to share a meal together. And by sitting down, I mean gathering around a table, not all sitting in their respective seats in a car or on bleachers.

I think this is a great thing. To me, the reason behind why a family sits down to dinner together several nights a week is irrelevant. The article I read said that more families are eating together as a byproduct of the Recession—unemployment, smaller restaurant budgets, less kids’ activities are all cited as reasons. The intended point is that less money equals more meals at home (not to mention the health benefits, and long term effects on the kids such as better nutrition, better school performance, lower rates of drug use, etc).

But why not use these meals as a learning experience? After all, for most of us, our financial education begins at home. This comes into play particularly if a family is experiencing a reduction in income. Family meals are the perfect time to discuss what’s going on, answer questions the kids might have, as well as provide a lesson in home economics. For instance, during these meals, families can discuss:

  • The cost of eating at home versus in a restaurant. Let’s say your family is eating hamburgers and French fries, with the whole meal prepared at home with ingredients purchased at the supermarket. Ask the kids how much they think the meal cost to prepare and then ask them how much they think it would have cost at a mid-priced restaurant.  Compare the prices. Talk about why it costs less to make the meal at home. Explain why your budget needs the savings. Or, if you’re not on a strict budget but want to reduce your dining out budget, discuss with the kids what the family as a whole can do with the saved money (day at an amusement park or the zoo or a new game or toy, for example).
  • Having a grocery budget. And how to maximize it. Talk to the kids about why it’s necessary to review what’s in the pantry and freezer before you go to the store. Share why you do (or don’t) use coupons and shop sales. Discuss stockpiling. Explain why you need to have a strict budget and why you can’t just grab whatever you see on the shelves anymore. You can even ask the kids for their input on what items they think they can do without and which ones they can’t. Including them in the process makes it less difficult. Kids can process more than we think they can, and sometimes in our efforts to protect and insulate them we leave them confused. Talking to them about the budget makes them feel included in the process which in turn makes it easier for them to handle the adjustment.
  • Menu planning. Explain to your kids why you need to plan your meals carefully. Discuss how menu planning impacts the overall grocery budget, and how by menu planning meals and snacks, there might be some extra room in the budget for treats like a half gallon of ice cream or an additional bag of chips. Ask them for their input on what foods they’d like to eat. You can even use this an opportunity to come up with a way for creative menu planning. For instance, each family member is assigned a day of the week to pick that day’s meals. Talk about weekly meal themes (ex., the first week of the month is new foods week or the last week is Mexican food week). Try to make menu planning fun and interesting for your kids. This way, they won’t really notice the change in habits.

These suggestions should be adjusted based on the age of the kids in your home. Older kids might be more resistant and younger kids might not even notice. But that doesn’t mean you should stop trying to include them in the process.

And if the biggest impact you’ve made is creating some family memories, well, that’s okay, too.

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