Family matters Archives - Page 2 of 10

7 suggestions for decorating on a budget

March 27, 2013 by Jana 12 Comments

When I was in grad school, I lived in a cheap, affordable, craphole of an apartment. I mean, my roommate and I did the best we could with our mismatched, hand-me-down furniture, lack of ability to paint or modify anything, and general lack of any interior design skills. But, when it all boils down to it, the place was hideous. Thankfully, we had friends and family who liked us enough to see past the eye sore of our living quarters and just enjoyed hanging out with us.

What a great idea to make a bathroom a little nicer!

Had we chosen to do so, we probably could have spruced the place up a bit (sadly, we were too lazy and didn’t spend enough time at home to care that much) and made it a little more…presentable. Although we didn’t have a ton of money to spare, we probably could have taken about $20 and a trip to the dollar store (or a place like Walmart) and made some pretty decent adjustments. If I knew then what I know now, here’s what I would have done:

Candles. Not only do candles smell great (for the most part), they provide little pops of color that can make a bland, drab apartment seem a little more inviting. Color brightens up a day and a mood and, if your apartment has a funk that you just can’t get rid of, the smell from the candles might cover it up. The price of the candles will depend on the size you buy but I’ve found that the smaller ones do just fine (and you don’t have to commit to a scent for too long if you don’t like it!)
Flowers in vases. Fake flowers, of course. Fresh flowers are expensive and hard to care for but the fake ones? Perfect. Create a bouquet of your favorite colors, place them in a plastic or glass vase that you set on your dining table, coffee table or kitchen counter and voila! Instant change to a room. Plus, the flowers are inexpensive enough that you can change them with the seasons and not spend a fortune (also, they don’t die so you can reuse them).
Pictures or art work. Professional prints can cost a pretty penny so why not create your own? Online sites like Snapfish and Shutterfly often have great coupons and discounts on pictures. Upload a few of your favorites (can be of family, friends, sunsets…whatever makes you happy), order them in a variety of sizes, purchase inexpensive dollar store frames (who’s going to know the difference?) and hang them on the walls. This can definitely make a place feel more like home.
Storage boxes. Or bins or trays or whatever. The dollar stores sell a wide array of fancy looking storage containers. Pick up a few of those and use them to store (and display!) your books, makeup, magazines, TV remotes, board games or whatever personal touches you have in your apartment. Not only does it make a place look cleaner (which definitely helps make it feel less awful) but these again provide some color and shows off your creativity! You can also get some photo boxes at craft stores, and those are not too pricey, either.
A vision board. Put anything on it you want—vacation ideas, your plans for your dream house, ideas for a wedding or kid’s room; pretty much anything that will inspire you. Don’t have the supplies? Glue and poster board are cheap. Ask co-workers, friends, a doctor’s office or the library if they have old copies of magazines they’re willing to donate to you. Use markers if you’re hesitant to ask. Then, when you’re done, hang it somewhere conspicuous. This serves two purposes—you’ll look at it to keep you motivated and when you have visitors, it’s a great conversation piece.

Two other suggestions I have for making a not so wonderful apartment (or house) feel a little less awful. The first is this: don’t compare yourself and your situation to what other people have. You don’t know where they came from, why their current house looks the way it does (they could be stellar at finding flea market deals and fixing things up, for example), how much money they have, or even if the decorating was a gift from a friend who was working on a school project. Comparing your interior design to someone else’s is a surefire way to feel depressed, angry and resentful (on the other hand, you can also use it as motivation or for ideas).

The second suggestion is this: Leave. Take a walk. Go to the library. Visit an animal shelter. Window shop at a thrift store or yard sale (or take a few dollars. You might find something great for your place!). It doesn’t really matter where you go, just get out. Spending all your time inside a home that makes you feel bad will only dampen your mood. Even people with the most perfect houses leave them from time to time. Because no matter how much you hate where you live, there’s still something a tiny bit comforting about coming home.

Especially if you’ve made it a little more inviting. This is your home, not matter how temporary or permanent, it’s where you’re living. There are a number of adjustments you can make for a very little sum of money to make it more pleasant during the time you’re there. So why not give it a shot?

Readers, what are some ideas you have for decorating on a budget?

5 tips from an unexpected SAHM

March 18, 2013 by Jana 4 Comments

Almost a year ago, I left traditional full-time employment. It was a difficult, complicated decision; one that took hours of thought and discussion with my husband as well as hours of thought and discussion with myself about how I wanted to use my time. While that final decision is still up in the air, there are some days I find myself firmly entrenched in a camp I never believed I’d be: the stay at home mom.

Turns out, I’m actually pretty good at it. Had you told me that when my daughter was first born, I would have laughed right in your face. Loudly, too. But, as I’ve gotten used to it, I’ve realized I don’t totally suck as a stay at home mom (yes, I need some work in the housecleaning arena, but we’ll talk about that another day). It’s also surprisingly harder than I thought it was, even with my only child in school for about 7 hours a day. There’s a lot that needs to get done, and some days, I wonder how I managed to get everything done when I did have an outside the home job.

I guess I’m better at time management than I thought. Or perhaps that’s why I would have major anxiety and panic attacks. We can debate that another day.

Anyway, as I reflect on my first year as a stay at home/work at home mom (I don’t know how to label myself), here’s what I’ve learned to be essential at making it work:

Coupons. Now, I’m not talking grocery coupons. I don’t really use those. I’m talking coupons for activities, clothes, entertainment…things that we used to spend money on without batting an eye but now have to be more mindful of a budget. Redbox coupons have been an absolute blessing to our entertainment budget (provided I remember to return the movie within a day). For around $1 (Blu-Ray rentals are $1.53; with my $.50 off coupon, it’s $1), we can have a family movie night without all the hassle and annoyance of going to the theater. Groupons and Living Social Deals have also helped us out tremendously.
Find a friend. If you’re new to being a SAHM, it’s crucial that you find a friend who’s been doing it a while. These people know so many tricks to having fun on a budget (assuming you’re in the group of people who need a budget and don’t have celebrity money floating around). My BFF has been a SAHM for almost 6 years and I have learned so much from her—what places have free crafts, how to have fun at the mall without spending money (seriously, it’s true), where kids can eat for free, and several more tips. And since money is also a concern for her family, we have no problem just hanging at each other’s homes.
Use what you have. While this applies to repurposing, upcycling, recycling, and just plain using what you already own, it also applies to things like memberships. I believe that memberships make sense if you use them, and for my family, our membership to our local YMCA is the best money we spend all month. Not only do we use it for working out but the outdoor pool means we don’t have to have a private swim club membership during the summer (we don’t have free community pools where I live), there are free family activities at night and on the weekends, and my kid can participate in sports at the greatly reduced membership rate ($43 for 8 weeks of cheerleading is a pretty sweet deal).
Cultivate a hobby. Being a SAHM is definitely kid-focused. But that doesn’t mean you have to forget yourself entirely (because if you do lose your identity, you do your kids a complete disservice. Your kids cannot make up who you are. And they need to see you enjoying yourself as well). Use the time you’re home to pick a hobby you’ve always wanted to have or rediscover something you used to love. It could be anything from keeping a blog or journal to reading books to learning to bake or running a marathon or playing the drums. It doesn’t have to be an expensive, time consuming hobby but you do need to carve out time for you. For me, exercising and reading have been my primary hobbies. And now I’m learning to sew. My family might benefit from that hobby, but really, it’s for me. Which is totally fine.
Be social. This couples with finding a friend. You cannot spend your entire life locked inside your house, devoted to your chores, housework, and kids. You need to get out and have some adult time. Even if it’s taking an exercise class or attending a mommy and me class or joining a book club—something to do once a week or month—you need to get out and interact with real life people. It’s great to have those personal, human connections. It’s wonderful to have adult conversations. And more than anything, taking a break from your kids is good for everyone. Seriously. They’ll be just fine if you leave for a couple of hours and your spouse/significant other/babysitter/whoever watches them.

I know there are more experienced SAHM who will disagree with a lot of what’s helped me survive the last year. And that’s okay. We all have different ways of coping and dealing with our situations, and I’m not here to judge. This is just what’s worked for me.

I’m pretty sure that as I figure out what the hell I’m doing with my life, my strategy towards staying home will change. Also, as my kid gets older, I know it’ll change. But for now, I’m going to stick with these few rules and see how it goes

Preparing my child for the future

March 8, 2013 by Jana 6 Comments

This post is part of Women’s Money Week. For the round up of today’s posts on the topic of future planning and financial planning, visit the website.

As a parent, my future financial planning is two-fold: planning for me and my husband and planning for our daughter. It’s important that we prepare ourselves, financially, for the future so that we can retire comfortably and not be a burden to our daughter and her family. That’s really last on my list of things to do. In order to accomplish that, we have pensions from our employment with our state, we have retirement accounts, and a long term savings account. On top of that, we have a pretty solid plan to own our home (well, our next home. We’re very desperate to move out of our townhouse), remain consumer debt free, and have minimal to no car payments. And, as long as life throws us no major curveballs, we’re on track to maintain our plans.

(I’m pretty sure I just jinxed myself by saying that.)

Then there’s the whole “securing our daughter’s future” aspect. We have had long, intense debates about paying for her college education (my parents paid for my undergraduate degree, he paid for his. We both paid for our grad school degrees with the help of scholarships. We decided to do something in the middle), how to handle the subpar public education system in our state, and how much money to put into extracurricular activities. We’ve also discussed the subjects of allowing her to have an afterschool job, earning an allowance, and who pays for a car when the time comes.

Fortunately, our debates ended in resolution and we’re both on the same page with those aspects of raising our daughter. We also both agree that she does not need to know about the secret savings account we have for her and have been contributing to since she was born and that her 529 plan definitely needs a more regular contribution. Doing all of this will help ensure that she is taken care of through college and she’ll have a little extra to get her started when she graduates. That’s important to us since we struggled through the first few years of our adult lives and we don’t want to her to have to go through that. Paying off the amount of debt we paid off sucked a big one and if we can spare our daughter that aspect of life, we’ll consider that a major parenting victory.

However, we realize that we can’t provide for her forever. There will come a time when the financial assistance ends and we have to hand the reigns over to her. And we figure the best way to prepare her for that is to teach her how to handle money. To do so, we don’t make money a taboo subject in our house. We talk about budgets and savings and sales and using cash. We play games that involve money (Monopoly, PayDay, the Money Savvy Pig game on my iPhone, and her favorite game—grocery store. Also, when she helps me fold laundry, she “scans” the clothes). She has a piggy bank that is really, really full (seriously, the child is a major saver. When she got her first money from the tooth fairy, it went right into her piggy bank). We discussing working and earning a paycheck and the purpose of a bank. We’re trying to provide her with a comprehensive financial education. [Read more…]

6 rules for a stronger relationship

February 18, 2013 by Jana 18 Comments

I don’t claim to know a whole lot. In fact, it’s typically the opposite. But, after being in a relationship (albeit dysfunctional at times) with the same person for over 16 years, I do know a bit about what it takes to maintain that relationship. And, through that, I’ve also learned that if you’re going to have a healthy and open relationship with your partner about money, the rest of your relationship needs to be on solid footing. After all, if you can’t communicate about the laundry without arguing, how are you going to talk about buying a house or saving for retirement?

Since I’ve already talked about why my husband and I don’t fight about money, I thought I’d give a little insight into how we manage the rest of our marriage so that we maintain good communication (and, lest you think we never fight, we do. Not often, but when we do it’s a doozy):

Go to bed angry. Sometimes going to bed angry is the only way to prevent an argument from spiraling out of control and having both parties say things in anger that, while they don’t mean them, they’re hurtful nonetheless. Going to bed angry can occasionally solve a problem that staying up and talking it out cannot. After all, when we’re making a big decision, we often get the advice “sleep on it”. Why not do the same to prevent a bigger argument?
Have individual hobbies. There is no rule that says married or committed partners have to spend every waking moment together. In fact, the couples that do kind of scare me a little. We enter into relationships as individuals. Our significant others like us because of all the things that make us an individual. There is no reason to completely let that go because we’re with another person. Doing activities separately is healthy for a relationship. It lets us take a breath from each other and maintain our individuality, which is essential. It’s hard to be a good, supportive partner if we don’t take care of ourselves, too.
It’s okay to have separate money. When I say this, it doesn’t mean hide money from each other or lie about paychecks or even have separate accounts. What I mean by this is that it’s okay for each person in a relationship to have his or her own fun money (mad money, allowance, whatever you want to call it). Each person needs to feel like he or she has some ability to spend some money on anything he or she wants without having to consult the other person. Actually, doing this is one of the reasons my husband and I don’t argue about money. It’s nice to feel a little autonomous when it comes to money.
Make big decisions together. Particularly when it comes to major purchases, job offers, and child rearing situations. One person in a relationship should not dictate all decisions. Having it this way breeds resentment, anger, unhappiness and a lot of stress. Each partner has valid opinions that should be considered when it comes to decisions about where to live, budgeting, work situations, saving for the future, children (whether to even have them and how many), and anything else that can be construed as a major decision.
Be supportive of each other. A relationship cannot function if the people involved in it do not support each other. While you may not always agree with your significant other’s choices, try to be as supportive as you can (unless, of course, those decisions will have a highly negative effect on you and your future. Then you need to have a very serious talk). The support doesn’t just have to be financial; it can be emotional, spiritual, physical, or a combination of all of them. To use losing weight as an example, people are more successful when their partners are involved, even if the partner doesn’t need to lose weight. Just knowing that you have someone in your corner to pick you up when you need it is helpful and encouraging.
Split responsibilities. In my house, we have an understanding that not every chore in the house is my job simply because I work from home. We have an unofficial division of labor (although there are certain chores that are mine and certain ones that are his. However, we do fill in for each other when necessary. The trash is still going to get put out even if he’s away, for example) and that includes how we manage our money. We play to our strengths to prevent error and frustration that could, in the long run, cause unnecessary expenditures or arguments. Also, it helps our house stay clean and running smoothly.

The other two rules of thumb that we follow are to not worry about what others are doing and understanding that marriage is not a power struggle. Neither one of us needs the upper hand in any situation; we’re in it together. And what other people do in their homes and their relationships is none of our concern. They do what works for them and we do what works for us.

These rules (for lack of a better word) have kept our relationship going through even the darkest times. We want our marriage to work and we put in a tremendous amount of effort to ensure that it does. No relationship is perfect, including ours, but doing whatever we can to keep communication open and honest definitely helps. Because, just like being on the same page about money, you need to have an understanding of each other’s thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, and opinions.

Without that, you’re creating a recipe for disaster.

Tips for handling PTA fundraisers

February 8, 2013 by Jana 5 Comments

Confession: I refuse to join the PTA at my daughter’s school. Why? Because they are fundraising whores.

Every day, my child comes home with papers upon papers from the PTA, telling us about a fundraiser at this restaurant or asking us to solicit friends and family for their money or trying to sell some crappy product. It’s maddening. I mean, I’m all for supporting my daughter’s school and her education, but I don’t feel that my bank account (or the bank account of people I care about) need to be drained in order to demonstrate that support.

Not only am I frustrated with the amount of times they ask us for money, but there is absolutely no disclosure as to where the money is going. Are they raising it for equipment for the school? New books for the library? Updated computers in every classroom? A school supply pool so that parents no longer have to contribute to school supply welfare? All they tell us is that the PTA is raising money for the school. They don’t tell us why. And maybe if I knew why, I’d be more inclined to contribute.

There’s also this—they brainwash the kids to think that if they don’t participate in these fundraisers, they’re essentially punished. They don’t win the prize, they don’t support their school, and they’ll be left out because they didn’t do it. What the hell kind of awful lessons are these to teach to our kids?

I just can’t be part of an organization that does that. So I opt not to.

Opting out of the PTA doesn’t mean that I don’t support my child’s education. In fact, there are plenty of ways to be involved without joining the PTA or spending a fortune on PTA fundraisers. Just because I choose not to reach into the deep recesses of my wallet to support my child’s school, doesn’t mean I don’t do anything to support the school or her education. And if you, too, don’t want to join the PTA at your child’s school, you can join me in these inexpensive options:

Volunteer. Whether it’s helping out at lunch or chaperoning a field trip, parents make a huge difference when they volunteer at their child’s school. It’s helps the teachers out (and they’re very grateful for that), and it gives you an inside look at the dynamics of the class. I’ve learned so much about my child’s day and her friends just by observing what’s on the walls of her classroom.
Help with homework. And read the literature that gets sent home. This is especially beneficial for younger kids, like my daughter, who aren’t as independent as the older ones. Assisting with homework is important not only to reinforce the lessons that they’re learning at school but you get to see, firsthand, what they’re learning. Letters from the principal and classroom notes fliers are also great for providing this information.
Communicate with the teacher. If your child isn’t forthcoming about information, take the time to communicate with her teacher. Send an email. Make a phone call. Attend a parent-teacher conference.
Pick and choose which fundraisers you participate in. There’s no reason to participate in all of them. It’s expensive and tiring to do them all. Plus, you don’t want to come across as begging family and friends for their money. So, decide at the beginning of the year what your fundraising budget is (and determine how many you will participate in) and stick to it. If that means you attend a few restaurant events and sell one product, then that’s all you do. No need to feel guilty or go broke raising money for someone else, even your kid’s school.
Make a one-time donation to the school. And leave it at that. When I ranted about this on my personal Facebook page, some of my teacher friends said that they make a donation to the school at the beginning of the year, ensuring that a) their kids get the ridiculous trinkets and b) they don’t feel guilty not participating in anything else. They’ve done what they feel is right and what they can afford and they move on.

There’s also this option, and it’s one my husband came up with. When the school sends home a fundraiser, talk to your kid about it. Explain the cost of all the fundraisers, why the school is doing is (even if it’s in vague terms), how much time it takes, and the true value of the prizes. Then find something that your kid really wants (like a Disney cruise, if you’re my kid) and compare the prices and value. Tell your kid that for every dollar you don’t spend on a fundraiser is money you can put towards saving for that goal.

I like this idea. It teaches kids about savings, it teaches a lesson about fundraising and how little, cheap prizes really aren’t all that valuable, and that asking people for money with no purpose isn’t necessarily the best way to treat your friends and family.

I don’t know what happened to the PTA. I knew that they always had their hands in raising money for the schools, but I always thought it was more than that. It makes me sad it’s no longer this way. At least, not at my daughter’s school.

Parents, how do you handle PTA fundraisers? Is your PTA similar to ours?

7 suggestions for decorating on a budget

5 tips from an unexpected SAHM

Preparing my child for the future

6 rules for a stronger relationship

Tips for handling PTA fundraisers

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