Dear Friend,

I will not lie to you. What you are going through sucks. You spend your days alternating between sheer happiness that a terrible, unhealthy relationship is over and mourning the loss of companionship and consistency. But mainly, you obsess over everything that you think is wrong with you and how you screwed up. You ask what you could have done differently and if you had just changed this or compromised that, you wouldn't be alone and miserable. You wouldn't feel unloveable and sad. You'd still be in that relationship that, although it wasn't what you wanted or needed, was still better than being alone.

It's pretty shitty.

But let me say this: it is better to be by yourself than with someone who makes you feel bad and doesn't give you what you need. It is better to be alone than with someone who doesn't support you. It is better to be alone and temporarily miserable than in a relationship with someone who makes you permanently unhappy. And also? You are not alone.

You have friends, amazing friends, who love you unconditionally. You are smart, talented, beautiful and caring. But most importantly, you are a survivor. You have survived–successfull, I might add– way worse than this. And just like you emerged from those situations stronger, the same will happen this time.

And when the time is right, you will find the right person for you. You will find someone who appreciates how amazing you are, and supports all your goals and dreams. Someone who loves you as whole heartedly as you love him. Someone who shows you, with words AND actions, just much you enhance his life.

Because that's what you deserve.

Since you love music, I'm using Tesla's Love Song just for you. Even if you don't watch the video, close your eyes and listen to the words. You need to hear them.

It may not seem like it now but it does get easier. I promise.

 

 

Most people I know have lost someone close to them. A friend, a parent, a sibling, a grandparent…it doesn’t matter. Loss is loss. And it sucks and it’s painful and no matter how hard you try, there’s always a part of you that’s grieving. This actually happened to me at FinCon.

During Adam Baker’s incredible opening keynote speech, I walked out of the room. Why? Not because his speech sucked but because I was crying. Why? The topic was death. And although Baker presented it in such as way that it was meant to be inspiring (and it was!), it just so happened that that particular day was my grandfather’s birthday. My grandfather, who was one of my favorite people ever, passed away 4 years ago and the whole combination of the topic and the day just made me burst into tears at an inappropriate time (fortunately, I think everyone thought I looked like a mess from being hungover, not crying, which was nice).

But most people will tell you that even if you’ve lost someone, that person is always there in spirit. I find that to be a comforting thought. I like the thought that my grandfather is watching me and I hope that I make him proud. He was a man who was nice to everyone, hated debt and owing people money, and cared more for his family than anything else. He was never fancy or showy but he left an permanent mark on everyone he met. I hope that what I do carries on that legacy, even if in a small way.

At my wedding, my husband and I had a second “first” dance. My husband lost all of his grandparents at a young age, so their absence has always been noted. However, we both feel like, at our wedding, his grandparents and my Nanny (my grandfather was still alive at my wedding, although that was the first time we noticed symptoms of his Alzheimer’s), were there, watching the day. There were all kinds of signs that they were there, too, which is super cool.

Anyway, the song that we danced to was Train’s “When I Look To the Sky”. It’s not necessarily motivational but it does serve as a reminder that the ones we love are never really gone.

 

Since the early days of Daily Money Shot, I’ve brought Money Tune Tuesday to the masses (and by masses, I mean the small audience of supremely cool people who read my site). I did it as a way of making money more entertaining and also to amuse myself because I love music and this was a fun way of sneaking it onto the site. Lately, though, it’s been a struggle to even want to write a Money Tune Tuesday post. Quite frankly, I’m getting bored, which means that I can’t provide anything remotely entertaining to you. And while I still love songs about money or that I can relate to money, I feel it’s time to move on.

With that, I bid a fond adieu to Money Tune Tuesday.

I will pause for a moment so that you may weep silently (or loudly. Or cheer. Whatever you need to do).

But where there is an ending, there is also a beginning. You see, lately I’ve been drawn to songs that I find inspirational. I’m in a huge transition period in my life, moving from full-time office worker to a person who’s chasing her dream. And while that is hard enough to reconcile most days, I most definitely have my share of detractors (including some people who just completely hate me, my site, everything I do, and pretty much the simple fact that I exist). When you’re prone to depression and anxiety, you have to look outward as well as inward when those negative influences start to creep in. That’s where music steps in.

Songs often speak to me in ways that paintings or photographs speak to others. I love that certain songs seems to know exactly what I’m feeling or thinking or just need to hear. They make me feel better, allow me to cry if I need it, provide just the right angry thoughts, or give me some nice beats to dance to (I dance everywhere, all the time. It’s kind of ridiculous). And I figure that since I talk about some lifestyle topics here on DMS, to move away from Money Tune Tuesday and towards Motivational Tune Tuesday would be apropos.

So that’s what I’m doing.

For my first song, I’m choosing one by one of my most favorite artists, Beth Hart. She’s not hugely popular but she is incredible. If you get a chance, listen to some of her music on Spotify or watch some of her videos on YouTube (particularly her live version of “Mama”. Chills. You will get chills).  You will be blown away, I promise (unless you hate that kind of music, in which case, just listen to some of her songs for the lyrics. Powerful stuff). But in case you don’t want to do that, have a sample with this song, “Learning to Live”. It’s so good, I’m adding it to my list of personal anthem songs.

I don’t know how to introduce this song so please bear with me. I heard it for the first time while listening to O.A.R. on Spotify and it just hit me with its utter amazingness (oh, for for those of you who thought this was Bryan Adams or Warrant, I am either sorry or you’re welcome). I can’t stop listening to it. It’s catchy, it’s fun to listen to and the lyrics really resonate with me. Particularly due to the issues surrounding my choice to pursue my dream of writing and realizing that it probably wasn’t going to be a popular choice. And I’m still not sure that it is, and I doubt myself every day, but I’d rather fail doing something I love than succeed doing something that hurts my soul. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m sure it’s pretty obvious, but that’s okay. I have to do this.

So it shouldn’t surprise you that this is my favorite lyric from the song:

Maybe I should take my time

And build this life by my own design

With no direction and it’s in between

Everythng I love, and everything I need

So bring it back

All I want is understanding

To live my life the way that I planned it

Wouldn’t change a thing

Man, it feels like heaven underneath my feet

That’s some powerful shit. And it reinforces that my choice, although unusual and nontraditional, is something that I should relish.

Anyway, now you that you know why this song is so meaningful to me, have a listen for yourself.

http://youtu.be/8m0y6BL9_P4