I am not what you would call “career focused”. Don’t misunderstand; I take my work seriously and I do my best (well, usually). But being CEO or some high powered, high priced fill in the blank has never been important to me. And I’ve also had a slight lack of focus for much of my working life. It wasn’t until recently that I’ve finally put it all together into a job that not only I’m good at, but I’m completely equipped for and motivated to do and work towards that proverbial C-suite (even if I truly never want to be in the C-suite because that means pants and pants are stupid).
While I’ve been traipsing around the working landscape, it also occurred to me that there are a good number of jobs that I would be 100% completely and utterly terrible at. I asked my husband for input on this list as well and here’s our top 10:
- Golf caddy. Not only do I hate golf but as The Husband put it, I’d get asked “what club should I use” and I’d reply “I don’t fucking care”.
- Pirate. The energy that goes into being a pirate just seems excessive. Plus, I don’t really like boats.
- Cult leader. Unless it’s the leader of the “do whatever the fuck you want” cult, I’m not cut out for that kind of leadership. My husband is. It’s actually a tad scary.
- Boxer/MMA fighter/Ninja. I’m too clumsy to be a ninja and as for the other two, well, I’ll leave that to people like Kathy who are in shape.
- Sport announcer. I like sports. I just don’t want to announce them. Also, I lose focus easily and my co-host would be all “DID YOU SEE THAT?! THAT WAS THE PLAY OF THE YEAR!” and I’d be all “Nope. I missed it. I did see that bird over there, though”.
- Reality show star. A) Is that even a real job (The Husband says it is)? and B) I don’t want to be famous.
- Farmer. Probably one of the most difficult jobs around. I, however, don’t like to get up early, I’m too lazy to garden, and barnyard animals smell terrible. Hard pass.
- Long haul trucker. I have a terrible sense of direction. I’d take a wrong turn, end up God knows where, and abandon my truck and whatever I’m hauling.
- Prostitute. Diseases and going to jail aside, I’m not good late at night and I’m not really great at pricing my services either. A pimp seems like it’d be the way to go here but I feel that could get tricky (no pun intended but LOL at my terrible joke anyway) without a contract and unless we’re hitting up Saul Goodman, probably won’t be able to get that done.
- Hedge fund manager. What the fuck is a hedge fund?
Then we had this conversation:
Husband: I do think you’d be an excellent executioner?
Me: Like in the old days? When you chopped people’s heads off?
Husband: No, now. You’d be good at pushing the switch for the electric chair.
Me: I disagree but we can debate that if you’d like. I’m open to a new perspective.
(P.S. For the record, I would not be good in this position. I have strong opinions about the death penalty and the moral, legal, and ethical issues surrounding it but for the sake of this post, let’s just see the humor in the conversation.)
Oh, and here’s the song the post title comes from:
What jobs would you be terrible at?
This is awesome! I would like to have my own cooking show. I would love to be a sports announcer.
That damn fighting. Ugh. Watching people beat the crap out of each other. Ridiculous.
I would like being around the farm animals but do not like dirt or worms. I have enough poop with 3 gsds !
Very fun read. Carpe Diem!
Love, Steph’s Momma
Yep I think I’d suck at everything on your list. But I’d be a good executioner.
LOL’ed at this: “Prostitute. Diseases and going to jail aside, I’m not good late at night and I’m not really great at pricing my services either.” Well, good, it’s settled then – Jana will not be taking a career path to prostitution.
Love this post.
I’d be the worst garbage person, waitress, train conductor, bus driver…almost anything involving others. LOLOL
I want to be you when I grow up. I am that first paragraph, minus truly finding a career that makes me happy. I’m so glad you found something – it gives me hope!
Farmers – how do they do it? I mean thank goodness for them but all that work and struggle and so many factors beyond your control… nope. I LOLed at the trick joke and always love a good Saul Goodman reference 🙂
A prostitute.. I dont think I’ve ever given much thought if I’d be good at that job or not 🙂 haha
A truck driver would be my WORLDS WORST JOB!!!!! All the sitting – all the traffic – all the long roads. NOPE!
I’m still trying to figure out who I am supposed to be too. And I thought by age 41, I’d know. 🙂 Oh man, there are so many things I’d be bad at doing. Driving, for sure. I get lost going around the block. Anything dealing with blood. I don’t faint but seriously squeamish when it’s real life and I’m supposed to do something about it! I have a black thumb, so no gardening, landscaping types of jobs for me. Basically I’d like to find a great paying job where I could read all day while snuggling with my cat. That is a job I am immensely qualified to do!
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Hahaha I have to agree with you on all of these things and your reasoning for it for me as well. I am not very career focused. Mainly because I don’t really know what it is that I am passionate about. Like I never figured out what I truly want to be when I grow up. I know its NOT what I am doing now but since I cant decide what it is exactly, I am just kind of here settling until I figure it out! Of course now that baby is coming, I care even less about it all really. I never want my work to be my entire life.
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Funnily, I wrote a post today for tomorrow about having a similar lack of career clarity.
My boyfriend could totally be a cult leader, and that’s something that never leaves my mind for very long, hah! #5 would 100% be me too. I have a brilliant gift for missing things exclusively when someone expects me to catch them. LOL at #9 because pricing your own services is really damn hard, yo!
All the laughs with this post!
I fall asleep while in all motorized vehicles. I think if I was a long haul trucker, I’d be a shoo in for a speed freak to stay awake, and I don’t want to be a speed freak, so that job it out.
I would like to hear the husband’s reasoning behind is opinion that you’d make a good executioner…. ha!
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This is hilarious and awesome. I’d be the same on a lot of those.
I LOVE this post! I haven’t a clue what I’ll end up becoming, but it’ll definitely not be any of those 10 things! Seriously though, what IS a hedge fund? I googled it and I still do not understand, but I think they must be a bunch of tricky bastards.
oh my gosh Jana, i laughed so hard at this post. i would be horrible at being a pirate or a prostitute for the exact same reasons. i can think of more jobs i would suck at instead of jobs i’d be good at. i’m not career focused either, but totally okay with that! KC would be a fabulous cult leader as well. definitely creepy. i’d be a horrible executioner. i’d like, let everyone escape (to go back to jail, of course).
ps. i might borrow this if that’s okay!
There were so many of these that I laughed out loud at. But I think my favorite was the debate over if reality star is even a job. Sadly, our society has somehow made that a pedestal job. If only I knew being stupid and dramatic would basically make me a cult leader (to take another one of your jobs.)
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Haha I love this post! I’d suck at most (if not all) of these jobs too. Anything that involves super early mornings and hard manual labor (especially outdoors) is a definite no for me. I start work at 7:00 a.m. and I’m always so grateful that I’m the only one in my department for the first hour. It gives me time to wake up enough so that I’m not a complete asshole.
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haha #4 made me LOL hard.
i’d be a good farmer in that i have a farmer’s sleep schedule but id’ be terrible at the crops since i kill every plant i touch.