According to my blog planner, I was supposed to start my cheer mom series today. However, my blog planner is sort of turning into a speed limit sign; it’s a guideline rather than an absolute. So instead of starting the series today, I’m going to backtrack to a post I’ve had in draft for awhile and confess something that makes me nervous.
One of the tasks from the Intentional Blogging Challenge I quasi-participated in last month was vulnerability. To confess something. That’s not really a problem for me since I’m all about sharing my weaknesses and imperfections and what I’m learning as I muddle through my daily life, trying to figure it all out. However. There’s one thing that I’ve leaked out in drips and drabs but I’ve never fully explained.
That thing is my big, hairy, scary goal. What I’ve been dreaming about since second grade when my teacher was shocked by the fact that, at 7, I knew how to properly use an ellipses.
That goal? To write a book that’s published in paper and is available for sale in real, brick and mortar bookstores (what’s left of them, anyway).
But it’s so much more than that.
I want a literary agent. I want a PR agent. Basically, I want “people”.
I want my books to be on the New York Times bestseller list.
I want at least one of my books to be developed into a movie.
I want a multi-book deal with a traditional publishing house.
I want to do a multi-city book tour (and I have all the cities picked out, too, so really, it’s all about having the book to sell since I make a great travel planner. See, agents? Part of your job is done for you).
I want to have TV appearances (I think. I’m not 100% committed to this one yet. But it is a reason why I’m working so hard to lose weight. Need to look good on camera).
I want to reply “I’m a writer” when people ask me what I do for a living (I’m mean, technically I can tell people that but I’d like to have a paycheck to back it up).
I want to finally achieve the goal I set for myself all those years ago so I can tell that little girl “we did it”. She had big dreams back then. It’s up to me to honor them so if I ever have a time machine, I can go back and tell her that no matter how she feels, she shouldn’t quit (unless older me meeting second grade me causes some weird sort of Back to the Future/space-time continuum rift in which case, second grade me is shit out of luck and she’s on her own until she’s 37).
Now that I can admit my goal, I can stop hiding behind it and being evasive about it, it’s time to actually start working towards it (this is the part where I get stuck and all the terrible voices start talking to me, convincing me I shouldn’t do bother, so I clearly need to work through this, too). 
Because I know that none of this will fall into my lap. Much as I’d like, the outlook does not look good that I’ll have a post go viral and come to the minds and eyes of all the people who can help me make my dream come true. Nope. Instead I need to rely on my own discipline, hard work, commitment, and the little bit of talent I have.
Basically, it’s up to me. And I have a ton of work ahead of me.
But I have a list. I have tasks, short term goals, things to do, people to connect with, and a whole lot of time I need to put in to make this happen.
I’ll do it, though.
It’s too important not to.
If I can just get out of my own way.
Do you guys have a big, scary goal? What is it? Is there anything I can do to help you achieve it?
Linking up with Liz
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[…] Jana from Jana Says: Confession: My big, scary goal […]
I think you can totally do it. It may be big and scary but looks like you have a plan. I would love to start my own business but it is also big and scary. I am working on a plan too. So many things to learn and do.
Kerry recently posted…Rain, Sleet and Snow
There is a ton to learn and do! And then I get all nervous and intimidated about doing it and talk myself out of it and it’s a terrible cycle. I’m hoping that making it public keeps me from doing that.
Goddess speed to you! I want to write a book with little stories of my life experiences, but feel like I have so much time, so I will do it later!
I am not goal-oriented for myself at all. I am content. I want my loved ones, especially my chickens, to be happy and have whatever it takes to make that happen. If they are happy, I am happy!
Love, SMD’s Momma
My mom is kind of the same way. I’m pretty sure I’ll get that way but I also think that having goals for myself shows Erica how important it is for moms to think of themselves, too.
Just saying your goal out loud is such a huge thing! Congratulations on taking the first step. For me, honestly… I don’t know. I feel like I’m basically just keeping my head above water between kids and work, I don’t even know what my dream is anymore. I guess the main thing I’m working on right now is trying to start a moms group in my new town, but that doesn’t seem very big!
Sarah @ Beauty School Dropout recently posted…Perspectives on Motherhood and Writing
I think starting something like that is a big deal, especially if it’s never been done before. It could be the foundation of something huge and the start of great relationships!
Get on it!
My goal is just to publish. I don’t want to be on TV or do a book tour. I do want to publish a novel though.
SMD @ Life According to Steph recently posted…TWTW – oh look, it turned November
Self-publishing is definitely on my to-do list but for my peace of mind, I need to try this, too.
My big scary goal was quitting my job and moving to the beach, I did it and it was scary and wonderful all at the same time.
You can do this and I will totally buy your book at the book store, I LOVE paper books!!!
Kelli recently posted…Picture Practice: Halloween
I’m hoping it does turn out to be wonderful! I mean, I know it will be but it’s scaring me to death to make it come true.
I’ll send you a free copy 🙂
Since I’m not having any luck finding a new job, I’m hoping/planning to spend more time and effort upping my blogging and freelance writing game. I know it won’t make me tons of money, but I have $0 income otherwise, so any little bit would help. I’m scared though that I’m setting myself up for failure. I’ve been blogging in one form or another most of my life, but it’s always been very personal. When I took a freelance gig writing with Money Propeller, I struggled a lot to change my tone and approach to make it more “professional”. So now that I’m wanting to incorporate more of that “professional” with my personal on my blog, I’m scared that I’m going to end up hating writing or hating my blog. I’m trying to set myself up for success, and trying to keep my expectations reasonable, but I still feel like I’m entering a new territory.
Amanda @ My Life, I Guess recently posted…A Day in the (Unemployed) Life
It is hard to go from personal to “business like” or “professional”; I’ve been there and it’s probably why I wasn’t a very good freelancer. If you’re worried about hating your blog, you could always try to maintain two–one more professional, one more personal. I can’t manage two but maybe you’re more organized than I am!
I think it’s good that you’re being so focused. It’ll wind up helping you so much.
I love this!! So awesome that you have a goal and that you are going after it!! I’m so excited for you and excited to see you go for it! 🙂
Julia recently posted…CHOMP CHOMP
It’s taken me a long time to actually go for it. I’m terrified but excited!
I had to google ellipses…and now I’m back. Thanks for sharing your big dream with all of us! I like that you’ve got very specific goals and already plans on how to achieve them. The things worth doing in life really are the ones that take the most hard work. Keep encouraging others with big dreams by sharing your journey with us!
If there’s interest, I’ll definitely share with you guys what I’m doing and learning along the way.
And I agree–the things worth doing take the most amount of hard, grueling work.
I don’t have a big scary goal to be honest. once it was i wanted to move overseas, and here i am. i wish i was talented enough to write a book, but i’ll leave that one to you! i will totally buy your book + see the movie and visit you on your multi city book tour 🙂
Kristen recently posted…Happy Birthday Penny!
Moving overseas is HUGE!!!
I’ll make sure you have a front row seat to the movie premiere!
you can totally do this. there’s a blogger who recently published her own book as well (not sure if it’s an ebook or book-book but it was a lot of work and she blogged about it – her name is Joey and her blog is called HodgesPodges but i can’t remember her URL!!).
i don’t have a big scary goal; well, i sort of did which was organizing my kitchen but that sounds lame compared to yours! LOL
kathy @ vodka and soda recently posted…weekend recap | november goals
Thanks for letting me know about her! I found her blog and will now obsessively stalk her to find out what she did.
You’ve accomplished a lot that most people would think of as big and scary (getting healthy, overcoming depression) so you’re entitled to a smaller goal 🙂
So proud of you! You totally got this. I’m looking forward to seeing you in Phoenix on your book tour!
Jenniemarie @ Another Housewife recently posted…The end of #Write31Days
It’s definitely one of my planned stops (mainly because of you. And warmth. But mostly you).
You can do it! And guess what? I’ll buy it in a heartbeat 🙂
Catherine recently posted…October 2014 Debt Repayment and Life Updates
Thank you!!! I appreciate it!
Girl, you could TOTALLY do this! Don’t forget me when you make it big! 😀
Amanda recently posted…Bye Bye Li’l Sebastian
Of course I won’t forget you! I already have a plan for all my favorite blogger friends to be part of this.
You can do it!
I’m searching for an agent too.
Amber recently posted…Tom Leaves. Lice Arrives.
We should work on this together.
I use querytracker.net to look for agents. It shows what books they are looking for.
Amber recently posted…Hey, It’s Okay Tuesday!
I LOVE this Jana!!! It reminds me so much of my big scary goal which for the longest time I had a hard time admitting because it’s so ridiculous and far-fetched (not that yours is). And it’s funny because we do know so much about ourselves when we are little yet we oftentimes squash our own dreams for whatever reason. I have always wanted to act. I don’t want to be a movie “star” but I would love to be in movies and act. It sounds so absurd even saying it but I always knew it’s what I wanted to do, but for various reasons I managed to squash that dream. Now I’m trying to make up for lost time performing any way I can. I think it’s a great goal for you to have and I’m behind you 100%, then maybe someday we can both be on the Today show together (you promoting your book and me promoting my film). 🙂
Tonya@Budget and the Beach recently posted…Simple Living and Saving Money
I love that you’re finding ways to perform, even if it’s not in movies (which I still think you should do. People are hiring for extras all the time and YOU LIVE IN LA!!!).
And like I told you on Twitter, you can totally be in the movie adaptation of my book. I even have a part for you already 🙂
That’s why I’m ramping up all my efforts on BATB TV. Have a new skit coming in nov but I’m trying to overcome a few obstacles of location and scheduling. Oooh I’d love to know what part that is?!? 🙂
Tonya@Budget and the Beach recently posted…Simple Living and Saving Money
You can do it and I will read your books!! Now you’ve got me thinking about how to articulate my big scary goal(s)
Michelle recently posted…Vote. Or, You Are A Sucker
Thank you! And you definitely need to share your big scary goal. It’s horrifying but freeing at the same time.
I hope this blog releases you to make your dream come true. I too dreamt of writing a book and my head always said “you can do this no problem” I have wonderful story plots and no end of commentary so I started a book. I didn’t love it especially the writing of the settings. I don’t care what the room looks like there is drama unfolding. If only I had another Lori that could fill in all of the decor lol. Get going Jana the voices in your head can just shut it!
Editing is definitely a fun (and annoying) part of writing. I think you should finish your book and talk to some friends who like the stuff that you’re struggling with describing and have them add it in for you!
I definitely need the voices to shut up!
Enjoyed reading this as I can relate to the struggle to voice goals that may seem “pie in the sky.” Congrats on being able to say it aloud! Looks like you have the determination you need to succeed. Good luck to you!
Found you through the hump day linkup. 🙂
Keisha | The Girl Next Door is Black recently posted…San Francisco’s Dia de los Muertos 2014
Enjoyed reading this as I can relate to the struggle to admit to goals that seem “pie in the sky.” Congrats on being able to say what you want aloud! Good luck to you! Seems like you’ve got the determination part down.
Found you through the hump day link up. 🙂
Keisha | The Girl Next Door is Black recently posted…San Francisco’s Dia de los Muertos 2014
Right now it’s vague: get the hell out of the traditional workforce and do something entrepreneurial the way one of my admired colleagues did years ago. She built a business from the ground up with one business partner, is still working with that partner so it’s really stable between them, and it’s a multimillion dollar enterprise now. She did this around the time she started having kids so that she could have a more balanced life and she’s still living a really awesome balanced life that is *well* funded. So I know the end result that I’d love to see down the road but am not totally sure how I’d like to get there.
Revanche recently posted…Pre-parenting: Work, leave and budgeting
I love that you put it out there with this blog. I hope you reach your goal.
Tre recently posted…401K. No Employer Match. What To Do?