Jana Says

Living life from cover to cover

Back to Blogging: Significant songs

by Jana 8 Comments

This post is part of Alyssa’s back to blogging nonchallenge challenge. I think I got that right.

I love music. Always have, as long as I can remember. I even write about it a lot (like my playlists with Erin, a regular feature I did back when I wrote about money, and I have some other random playlists floating around, too). So when the prompt came up to list 3 song that define your life and why, I had to get on that.

I’ll say, it was hard to narrow it down. I went with 4 (because I do what I want) and while one isn’t a surprise since I mentioned it a couple of weeks ago, I’ll repeat it anyway. I also went with songs that define my life now, rather than overall because I’m a much different person than I was when I was 18 and even 30 and to use songs from back then would be fun but not necessarily accurate. However. Some of these songs have been constant in my life for the last 10 or so years so maybe what I just said isn’t entirely true. I don’t know. Music, especially good music, is timeless.

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Song #1: Maybe by Sick Puppies
This song changed my life. I wish that were hyperbole but it’s not. It came to me during an extremely difficult time, personally and professionally, an while 2 years went by before I took the message to heart, it stayed with me the whole time. It’s like the song was giving me permission to walk away from all the horribleness and let me know that yes, it’ll be hard but things have to be hard and change before they get better.

Song #2: The Middle by Jimmy Eat World

For whatever reason, when I’m in the middle of any sort of crisis or weird situation or some sort of tough, awkward time, this song appears on the radio almost every day. I take it as a sign, like the universe is sending me a message that it’ll all be okay in the end and whatever I’m going through is temporary.

Song #3: America’s Sweetheart by Elle King

I love everything about the song. Specifically, the message. It’s amazing. Essentially it’s about embracing who you are, loving yourself, and everyone who doesn’t like you or wants you to change can fuck off.

Song #4: I’m Not Alright by Shinedown (also, Amaryllis by Shinedown. Is it cheating to have 2 songs by the same band grouped together if they’re from the same album?)

What I love about I’m Not Alright is that it gives permission to be not okay. To not be perfect, to be flawed, to be weird and quirky and that if you have a mental illness, it’s okay because it’s not the sum of who you are but the sum of all those parts make you who you are. That’s exactly how I feel about my depression. And Amaryllis is a song I listen to on my bad days; it helps give me clarity and perspective and keeps me going.

 


Song #5: Count on Me by Default

I am not a big crier but this song gets me every. Single. Time. Not even kidding, I can not listen to this song without getting choked up. I’ll tell you why, too. I heard it when I was pregnant with the child and it says exactly everything I wanted and want her to know . Everyone knows that life sucks sometimes and that there’s one person in their life who is there for them all the time, unconditionally, no questions asked, no matter what, and I want her to know that that’s me.

I’m sure I could have added to the list but we’ll just stop here. How about you guys? What songs provide the soundtrack to your life?

 

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You have my permission

by Jana 31 Comments

You know what I’ve noticed? And it’s something I am guilty of, too.

I’ve noticed that women, in general, often wait for permission to do…well, just about anything. We sit and wait for someone else’s opinions or approval before we make decisions because we’re afraid of the ramifications, whatever they may be.

I think this is bullshit.

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So, for all the women, even though you don’t need it, if it gives you strength and confidence, you have my permission:

To express any and all opinions you wish. Someone might disagree with you but go ahead and say them anyway. Stop worrying who you offend. People take offense to everything anyway.

To wear whatever the fuck you want. And to love your body exactly the way it is. Or want to improve it. But throw that self-loathing shit out the fucking window.

To not feel pressured or forced to explain, justify, or defend your choices and decisions.

To have lofty goals and work like hell to achieve them.

To unapologetically say no to anything or anyone that makes you uncomfortable, unhappy, or you simply don’t want to do. It is not your obligation to people please or jeopardize your own comfort level to accommodate someone else.

To go back to work after you have a child. Or to stay home. No judgment here.

To leave a job, relationship, friendship, or any other situation that puts your health (physical and/or mental), safety, finances, and self-confidence at risk. If you’re afraid, there’s resources and support. Can’t find them? Reach out to me. I got your back.

To be outraged, regardless of political affiliation, that in 2016, we are still fighting the same battles for equal treatment we fought 100 plus years ago. No joke. It’s okay to be pissed about that.

To spend your money how you please. Travel, buy books, clothes, spoil your kids or pets, go back to school, start a business, save it all for retirement…whatever you choose. You earned it. You get to decide.

To live with no regrets. Yes, there will be things you wish you hadn’t done or choices you had or hadn’t made but you can’t change it. You can only learn, make amends, and move on.

To be private. To keep yourself guarded and quiet and protective of yourself and your feelings and cautious of who you let in and not share everything. Social media is not a requirement.

To do the opposite of everything in the above statement.

To watch, read, listen, or create any form of entertainment or art you want.

To ask for help when you need it. And refuse it when you don’t.

To put yourself before your kids. Seriously. I cannot stress this enough. Yes, they require care and attention, especially if they’re young, but it is FINE AND NECESSARY to take care of you, too. In fact, sometimes, taking care of you first makes you a better parent. Breaks are crucial to reset and refocus. Doing so makes you a good parent, not a bad one (Note: this can be it’s own post).

To recognize that you are capable of accomplishing absolutely anything you set your mind to. It might take awhile and you might have setbacks but you are fierce and you got this shit.

To do whatever makes you happy. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

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Friday Six-Pack: Rant ahead

by Jana 13 Comments

Friday Six Pack

    • Thank you to everyone for our Show Us Your Books birthday wishes and for participating and making the last 2 years bookish and amazing! There’s still time to enter the giveaway if you haven’t. In other reading news, I finished The Couple Next Door and started both Eileen and Adnan’s Story. Picked up nothing new from the library.
    • I know that public schools get a lot of well deserved criticism but I need to say that I’m really quite happy with my daughter’s school. Not only is she learning to code but in her reading group, they’re reading Number the Stars which, if I’m not mistaken, is often banned in schools. Where I live gets some flak for being backwoods but this shit is progressive.
    • Have you guys watched Westworld? I have mixed feelings on it thus far. Not enough to quit but enough that I’m not in love with it either.
    • Trump. Okay, if you want well-written, well-thought out posts about this misogynistic assboil, read what my girls Steph and Ali have to say. If you want a semi-inarticulate rant, keep reading. So, when I was in college, there was this guy I knew. This guy repulsive when it came to treating women, so much so that he referred to all women as “pigs”. Yup. You read that right. Pigs. And laugh about it and the guys around him laughed about it and encouraged it. Back then, I didn’t attribute it to rape culture because to be honest, it wasn’t something that registered. I just knew it was wrong and disgusting and the sight of him enraged me. And it infuriated me when the other guys would laugh and egg him on and when I’d bring up how awful it was, I’d get told “that’s just him being him”. FUCK THAT NONSENSE. It wasn’t acceptable then from a shitfuck of a fraternity boy and sure as hell isn’t acceptable from the person who wants to be the leader of this country. Allowing Trump and the guy I know persist in their actions and statements is what allows a Brock Turner to happen. And as the parent of a daughter, I cannot stand by and permit these behaviors and actions and entitlement attitudes to keep happening. Society needs to stop raising its boys and electing leaders who encourage and foster the belief that boys can do and take anything they want and girls have to just smile and accept it. Because, rest assured, my girl is NOT being raised to accept it. I am raising a force to be reckoned with. And I know plenty of other of parents are, too. I hope everyone who sits by and defends Trump and his ilk is ready for the army of girls like mine who will no longer accept it and will riot in the streets to make it stop. And those of us who can vote and start the ball rolling on affecting this change, please, use your voice wisely. (And I am not going to address the #repealthe19th that was trending the other night as a response to the “if only men voted map” because I don’t want my head to explode)
    • Confession: I am full on obsessed with Too Faced makeup. I bought the Peanut Butter and Jelly palette the other day and holy hell, is it amazing. I don’t think I’ll be able to use another brand of eye makeup for a long, long time. Also, for those who use the Better Than Sex mascara, if you have trouble getting it off with standard makeup remover, Too Faced makes a mascara dissolving pen. I haven’t tried it yet but it’s on the list. If you have used it, what do you think?
    • Song of the week: Untouchable Face by Ani DiFranco. Another college reference. Every Thursday, I would go to the Stone Balloon (RIP) for mug night ($.50 drafts? Yes, please) and there was always a cover band playing. My favorite, Tin Pan Alley, used to do this song and it’s just angry and fun and while I’m not a huge Ani DiFranco fan, I respect  and admire her and her feminist activism.

Hope you guys have a great weekend! We’ll be celebrating the husband’s birthday a little early and not too much of anything else.

 

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18 months after

by Jana 23 Comments

This post is part of Alyssa’s back to blogging nonchallenge challenge.

18-months-after

Saturday is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Up until last year, it was one of those days that went noticed but unnoticed in my life. Then my miscarriage happened and now, it’s a day that has more meaning than I’d like (you can read here for my thoughts from last year).

Since I’ve told people about it, I’ve learned that it’s way more common than I thought. Approximately 1 in 4 women will experience a miscarriage. One in four. That’s a lot of us. And yet we still suffer in silent pain because it’s too uncomfortable to talk about. But we need to talk about it because the only way to foster understanding is to have those frank, unpleasant discussions. Doing so minimizes stigma and opening public discourse means that those suffering can find resources and assistance and comfort to get them through the trauma.

And miscarriage is traumatic.

I didn’t quite comprehend that a year ago.

I do now.

It’s a difficult trauma to work through. More difficult than anything else I’ve had to do.

But I’m doing it. And in the year and half since my miscarriage, I’ve not only learned to work through it but I’ve learned some other things. In fact, if I could tell the me a year ago some of what I know now, here’s what I’d say:

  • There will be days you don’t think about the baby. And when you do remember, you’ll have pangs of guilt that you forgot but really, it’s okay.
  • Also okay? To honor the baby (or babies) you lost in whatever way makes you comfortable.
  • Something of that magnitude will break you. But it will also build you up and find strengths you didn’t know you had.
  • Your support systems is greater and bigger than you think.
  • It’ll be difficult, painfully, extremely difficult, to hear about pregnancies and to see pictures of healthy babies, especially ones who were born around your due date. Own your feelings about how hard it is on you and if you have to stay away from them in person or on social media, then do it. You have to protect your mental health.
  • But also, be excited for and supportive of friends who are pregnant. Maybe they’ve gone through what you’re going through.
  • You’ll find yourself more appreciative of what you do have, and you’ll find ways to live a fulfilled life.
  • You are still that baby’s mother. You will always be that baby’s mother.
  • It’s perfectly fine to talk about it if that’s what you need to do. The people who care will listen and the people who don’t can fuck off.

But most of all, I’d tell the me a year ago that today is better than yesterday. And every day gets better and easier.

If you guys remember, please light a candle on Saturday, October 15th at 7PM in your time zone in honor of all the babies gone too soon.

 

 

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Show Us Your Books, October edition: Celebrating 2 years!

by Jana 46 Comments

YOU GUYS. This month marks two years–TWO YEARS–of Show Us Your Books. I cannot even express in words how amazing that is and how honored I am that every month for the last two years, you have linked up and talked books with me and Steph. It is amazing to connect with other readers from all over the world and there are dozens of books I’ve read that maybe I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for your participation. So, as a thank you, we have a little giveaway. Make sure you read through the whole post to see what prizes we have for you guys and enter to win.

As far as my reads this past month, it was quite a mixed bag both in terms of my reaction to the books and in terms of topic. I don’t want to say it was my most eclectic month on record but it’s definitely a contender. And, as always, these are either direct copies or derivatives of my Litsy reviews (follow me there if you’d like. Just search for my username, Jana).show-us-your-books-2016-300by300

In a Dark, Dark Wood by Ruth Ware. You’ll get more of my feedback on this book when Steph and I discuss it on The Armchair Librarians but for now, let’s say that it’s exponentially better than her other book but it’s still an average, standard, passes the time just fine thriller. It’s a perfect plane or vacation book, one that keeps you reading but doesn’t hurt your brain and isn’t 100% unputdownable. She weaves an intriguing story, even if you solve the mystery pretty early on, but the storytelling is kind of lazy and boring at times. That said, I read the book in a day so it didn’t totally suck.

Heartbreaker: Stories by Maryse Meijer. I have mixed feelings about this collection of short stories. On the one hand, it’s a beautiful collection of gorgeously written, sad, and fucked up stories about love and sex and relationships and the really dark parts of all of those. On the other hand, they were so damn weird that I struggled through it at times. But I guess that’s what made it so compelling. I can’t say that I recommend it to everyone, because some might find some of the stories  offensive or way too out there, but it was good. Very good.

Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult. While written in typical Picoult formula, it’s probably the most relevant and intense book of hers I’ve read (save for Nineteen Minutes. Probably on par with that). It addresses all the things regarding racism we’re afraid to confront and you can tell the care she took in researching and writing. This book will give you all the emotions and, in the end, gives you pause to truly think. This is not an easy book, and might upset people, but I’m glad it’s out there (and I can’t wait until Steph and I get to see her talk about it). *received as an ARC from NetGalley

The Woman in Cabin 10 by Ruth Ware. NOPE NOPE NOPE. There was nothing about this book I liked except maybe the news reports and emails. Had I not had to finish it for The Armchair Librarians, I would have bailed. It was boring and sloppy and tedious and tried so hard to be The Girl on the Train but failed so hard. The main character was wholly unlikable and I gave zero fucks about what happened to her and I gave less fucks about the plot. And the ending sucked balls.

Lady Cop Makes Trouble by Amy Stewart. The Kopp sisters series is easily my favorite series of the last 5 years and I don’t generally like historical fiction. That’s how good this shit is. I love, love Constance’s tenacity and badassery and take no shit and get shit done and shut your face, I can take care of myself and don’t you tell me I can’t because I’m a woman attitude. We need more books about women like this, historical or fiction, and all the kudos to Amy Stewart for writing these. I swallowed this book whole in about 3 hours, I loved it so. It maybe wasn’t as good as Girl Waits with Gun but definitely close.

Monster by Walter Dean Myers. I got this from last month’s SUYB but cannot remember who reviewed it but thank you to whomever that was. As a former juvenile probation officer, the subject of this book hurt me in places. It was such a creative way to tell Steve’s story, and the diary entries were particularly poignant but the end felt rushed. It tapered off when it shouldn’t have. For all the in-depth, thoughtful moments throughout the rest, it was disappointing. The author did a great job writing from Steve’s perspective and it really makes you think about some moral issues in our justice system.

The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck by Sarah Knight. ALL THE YESSES TO THIS BOOK!!! I loved it so, so, so much. Hilarious and practical and perfect for anyone no matter your level of fuck-giving. You will learn, you will laugh, you will have revelations. This is book #1 in my adulting starter kit. However, if heavy swearing is not something you enjoy or if you are offended by that kind of language, then maybe pass. And she has a second book coming out in December. I CANNOT WAIT.

TL; DR: Add The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck, Lady Cop Makes Trouble, and Small Great Things. Run away from Ruth Ware.

Now it’s your turn! Link up and show us what you’ve read! Make sure you visit some other bloggers, too. And below the linkup is the giveaway so definitely check that out.

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Giveaway time!!!

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Here’s the prize breakdown (and of course they’re all book related):

  • First prize = $50 Amazon gift card;
  • Second prize = banned books socks and a library card catalog coffee mug;
  • Third prize = reading journal and book ornament;
  • Fourth prize = card catalog pouch (when we bought it, Out of Print sent a book to a community in need, so it’s a feel good prize too).

Good luck and thanks again for 2 amazing bookish years!!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

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