In this month’s installment of someone on the internet was wrong so I fixed it: this chick who wrote a post with the delightful title 13 Reasons You Need to Give Your Child a Sibling.

So you don’t have to read it, it was essentially a “poor me, woe is me because I grew up as an only child and how could my parents do that to me” bunch of bullshit. She comes across as nothing but a whiny spoiled little asshole with absolutely no concept of anything.

As one of three siblings, the wife of an only child and the mother of an only child, I feel I’m well qualified to respond to her.

So here we go.

Dear girl who wrote the aforementioned piece of shit,

Clearly life has been unkind to you, being an only child and all, so I’m sorry that you’ve had to suffer but I really do take issues with roughly 98% of what you’ve written and I thought it would be a good idea to discuss it. For perspective and balance.

First, let’s address the title. Now I’m sure some editor and not you wrote it and it was done for attention/controversy purposes but GOOD FUCKING GOD. I NEED to give my child a sibling? REALLY?! Because the last time I checked, I needed to give her food and shelter and seasonally appropriate clothing and health care and an education and that’s basically it. Everything else, up to and especially including a sibling, is optional. NOT TO MENTION the fact that she’s not an only child to ruin her life. She’s an only child because I couldn’t give her a sibling. COULDN’T. As in, physically not possible.

And I’m not the only one. There are plenty of parents who cannot, no matter how hard they try, give their kid a sibling. Then there are those who simply don’t want to. Not to spite the kid they have but for reasons that are none our business. So to imply that parents have an obligation to their child to give them a sibling, and to make them feel guilty or like a piece of shit because they can’t or won’t, is rude and wrong with a tinge of asshole.

Second, the whole laundry list of reasons you gave for wanting siblings is nothing but romanticized nonsensical drivel. Like, #1. There’s no one to blame for what YOU did? Are you fucking kidding me? YOU FUCKING DID IT. YOU take the blame. Just because you have a sibling doesn’t absolve you from the shit you actually do. And do you think your parents are so stupid that they couldn’t figure out who really did it? Oh, and also, sometimes you get blamed for what they did. For instance, when my little sister was 3 and drew all over the walls, do you know whose fault it was? MINE. Because I wasn’t watching her close enough. So there’s that.

How about #3. An older sibling would carve a path for you? Fuck off with that shit. I’m the oldest in my family. I had no one carving shit for me. I had to do that all on my own. And as for my sisters, I’m pretty confident they’re individuals who make up their own minds and pay no attention my choices. What did happen, however, is that my parents used me as a test subject and loosened the reins with each younger sibling and as for my sisters, I know they were compared to me at various points. So maybe as an only, you had it good not having to deal with this crap. Maybe you should thank your parents for that instead of bitching that you’ll be the one who has to bear the burden of sadness when your parents pass. LET ME TELL YOU. I am the spouse of an only child and when his parents go, I can assure you he will not have to bear the burden on his own. I only hope you have that, too.

Or #6. There would never have been a dull moment in the house? Seriously? What are you smoking and can I have some because despite the fact that I grew up with siblings, there were dull moments aplenty. It’s called life and it’s not always exciting. One kid, 4 kids. Life still slows down and is boring at times.

And #8. A sister being a partner in crime? Age proximity does not equal automatic close friendships and have you thought about siblings who are literally a decade or more apart in age (like in my own family)? There are so many variables that you haven’t thought about in your quest to concoct the perfect sibling relationships. Which, by the way, don’t exist. So when you say that siblings are tied to you forever, you sound ridiculous and ignorant because there are so many people who have no relationships with their siblings. Being related doesn’t mean you like each other. It’s not a mandate.

I could go on and refute all of your points but I think you get it. Just in case you don’t, I’ll say this. I’m sorry you wished you had a sibling and your parents couldn’t or wouldn’t provide that to you. I’m sure they had their reasons and instead of sounding like a selfish, spoiled ingrate, maybe you should consider your parents’ perspective. Maybe even ask them. It’d sure be nice if you did.

But make no mistake, having a sibling isn’t the greatest thing in the world and there were countless times growing up I wished I was an only child. And now, having an only child (who loves it, by the way), I see validity in some of your points. Still doesn’t change the fact that she’s an only but I get where you’re coming from. I just hope, when she’s your age, she’s not as resentful and bitter as you are.

Love,

Jana

P.S. Oh, and as for you complaining that adults had crappy imaginations? SO SORRY FOR YOUR LUCK. Adults aren’t there to appease your little mind. You should be thankful that people played with you. There are way too many kids who don’t get that, only child or not.

 

 

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