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Preparing my child for the future

March 8, 2013 by Jana 6 Comments

This post is part of Women’s Money Week. For the round up of today’s posts on the topic of future planning and financial planning, visit the website.

As a parent, my future financial planning is two-fold: planning for me and my husband and planning for our daughter. It’s important that we prepare ourselves, financially, for the future so that we can retire comfortably and not be a burden to our daughter and her family. That’s really last on my list of things to do. In order to accomplish that, we have pensions from our employment with our state, we have retirement accounts, and a long term savings account. On top of that, we have a pretty solid plan to own our home (well, our next home. We’re very desperate to move out of our townhouse), remain consumer debt free, and have minimal to no car payments. And, as long as life throws us no major curveballs, we’re on track to maintain our plans.

(I’m pretty sure I just jinxed myself by saying that.)

Then there’s the whole “securing our daughter’s future” aspect. We have had long, intense debates about paying for her college education (my parents paid for my undergraduate degree, he paid for his. We both paid for our grad school degrees with the help of scholarships. We decided to do something in the middle), how to handle the subpar public education system in our state, and how much money to put into extracurricular activities. We’ve also discussed the subjects of allowing her to have an afterschool job, earning an allowance, and who pays for a car when the time comes.

Fortunately, our debates ended in resolution and we’re both on the same page with those aspects of raising our daughter. We also both agree that she does not need to know about the secret savings account we have for her and have been contributing to since she was born and that her 529 plan definitely needs a more regular contribution. Doing all of this will help ensure that she is taken care of through college and she’ll have a little extra to get her started when she graduates. That’s important to us since we struggled through the first few years of our adult lives and we don’t want to her to have to go through that. Paying off the amount of debt we paid off sucked a big one and if we can spare our daughter that aspect of life, we’ll consider that a major parenting victory.

However, we realize that we can’t provide for her forever. There will come a time when the financial assistance ends and we have to hand the reigns over to her. And we figure the best way to prepare her for that is to teach her how to handle money. To do so, we don’t make money a taboo subject in our house. We talk about budgets and savings and sales and using cash. We play games that involve money (Monopoly, PayDay, the Money Savvy Pig game on my iPhone, and her favorite game—grocery store. Also, when she helps me fold laundry, she “scans” the clothes). She has a piggy bank that is really, really full (seriously, the child is a major saver. When she got her first money from the tooth fairy, it went right into her piggy bank). We discussing working and earning a paycheck and the purpose of a bank. We’re trying to provide her with a comprehensive financial education. [Read more…]

3 tips for finding extra time

March 5, 2013 by Jana 8 Comments

This post is part of Women’s Money Week. For the round up of today’s posts on the topic of finding time and increasing productivity, visit the website.

So, I have a slight obsession with the Sweet Pickles series of books. I loved them when I was a kid (this is not a joke. I would spend hours reading them over and over again) and I love them now as an adult. In fact, for this past Christmas, my parents gave me the entire collection as a gift (considering ~~the fit I threw~~ how upset I was when they told me they had gotten rid of my originals). It’s fun to read them now, with my daughter, and also as an adult, I get a different perspective on the lessons the books teach.

Let’s examine some of the particular lessons in my personal favorite, Rest Rabbit Rest.

Basically, the book is about Rabbit, the town banker who lives by a very strict schedule. So strict, in fact, that he essentially has a meltdown if he is even 30 seconds off from said schedule. His friends try to get him to take some time off by helping him complete his chores for the week but, in typical Rabbit fashion, he even has to make a relaxation schedule (that’s the humorous twist at the end. Sorry. Spoiler alert). However, hidden in the book, there are some great techniques for maximizing your time and increasing productivity:

Have a schedule

Yes, Rabbit’s schedule is a bit ridiculous. It’s impossible to schedule every minute of every day because, well, life happens. We get stuck in traffic. Our kids move slower than we’d like. Doctors run late. We can’t freak out over every delay or we’d all more stressed than is healthy. But the basic idea of a schedule is a good one, particularly if you work from home. It’s good to set office hours and have some sort of plan for the day so you’re not wasting valuable work hours (or staying up until all hours of the night trying to get it done. Not that I know anything about that…).

Even more than that, create a routine or schedule that also involves healthy habits like taking a day off, exercising, spending time with friends and family, even walking the dog. Pencil that stuff in like you would a regular appointment. Try to stick to your schedule the best that you can because if you do, you’ll see your productivity increase tremendously. But don’t forget to be forgiving of yourself if you veer from the schedule. It’s really okay.

Multitask

I’m not talking multitasking in the realm of talking on the phone, answering an email, and working on a proposal all at once. We all know that engaging in that kind of multitasking is a recipe for disaster. But Rabbit had a great idea. While he was working, he had his friends talk into a tape recorder (the books are from the 70s) and then, later, when he was cooking dinner, he listened to what they had to say. That’s the kind of multitasking I’m referring to.

If you’re finding it hard to read but you spend a lot of time in a car or on a train, listen to an audiobook. If you find that social media eats away at a good part of your day, save the playing around on Pinterest or chatting on Twitter for the times you’re watching television. If you spend a great deal of time at kids’ activities, carry around a notebook or tablet and get some work done while you’re waiting (even if the other parents look at you like you’re crazy. After a while, you get over it. Seriously).

Eliminate the unimportant

The reason that Rabbit doesn’t engage in restful activities until his friends stage an intervention is that he doesn’t see them as important. While we know that to be untrue, the productivity lesson in there is that we need to get rid of activities or obligations that provide no value to us. They are nothing but a time suck and a detractor from those things that we deem important, necessary, and fulfilling.

I’ll give you a personal example. Longtime readers know that my exercise of choice is Zumba. I genuinely love it and it makes me feel good before, during, and after the class. However, there has been a particular class that I have been attending that, really, I don’t enjoy. I love the instructor as a person but her class…eh, not so much. But I kept going because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, even though that time would have been better spent working on things that I desperately need to get done. I was falling behind on important, necessary, and crucial tasks to make someone else happy.

By not going to the class, I’ve been able to regain some of my time and get back on track with a number of to-do items. (Oh, and I’ve replaced the class with swimming, another form of exercise that I find very enjoyable.)

With the demands on our time, it’s easy to feel unproductive (especially if you read some Facebook statuses). But there are people who manage to be highly productive by following what Rabbit teaches us about time management or even having their own methods. I’m not suggesting that you compare yourself to them; just do the best that you can. Because with a little practice, a few adjustments, and a little tweaking, we can all up our productivity.

Readers, how do you manage to increase your productivity or find time to do things that are important to you?

3 questions to ask before starting a business

March 4, 2013 by Jana 9 Comments

This post is part of Women’s Money Week. For a roundup of some additional posts on today’s topic, make sure you go here.

I like earning money. There. I said it.

To me, there is something rewarding about using my skills and my education to bring additional income into my household. I like seeing something I thought of from the recesses of my brain come to fruition and gain some moderate success. I like spending a few hours a day on something for just me, something that’s all mine, something that makes me happy. I like designing my program and business in the way I’ve always thought they should be run. I like interacting with clients and program members. And I know I’m doing the right thing because when I sit down on a Sunday night to get some work done, it doesn’t bother me at all.

Sounds great, doesn’t it? Rest assured it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. It’s exhausting to run your own business. There’s rarely a break and sometimes, I feel guilty when I’m taking time off instead of working on an aspect of the program I run. I work crazy hours and some days, I’m completely unable to separate my life from BHB. There are days I question if I should keep doing it. But then I sit back and think about the alternative and calm the hell down.

So that’s my story. I don’t want that to dissuade you from starting your own business, even if you don’t know what you want to do. Most of us have some skill we can, with the right mindset and motivation, turn into a business, even a business that generates a small income. But before you start your own business, make sure to fully answer these questions:

Do you have the start-up capital?

Starting a business, no matter what kind, costs some money. Having a blog is probably one of the least expensive ways to run a business, but if you want to branch out, you’re going to need to spend some pretty serious cash. For instance, I know a woman who runs a custom sewing business out. While the overhead is low as she runs the business out of her house and most of her orders are taken via Facebook or her website, she’s responsible for shipping, materials, the cost of reserving booths at crafts shows and fairs, promotions, and

Although the business turns a profit now, she had to lay out a good deal of money in the beginning. If you’re going to start a business along these lines (any craft based business), make sure you have enough money to put products even before the profits start rolling in. In fact, you might wind up losing money in the beginning. Ask yourself if you are okay with this.

Are you willing to work for free or at a substantially reduced rate?

Most businesses gain a following through good, quality work and through word of mouth, rather than as an overnight success. At the beginning of your business endeavor, you are going to have to do a great deal of work for free or at a reduced rate. It’s necessary to this in order to build up a portfolio, testimonials, recommendations/referrals, and a customer base. You must also be willing to negotiate your rates at the beginning or tweak your offered services. You might wind up doing some custom projects or more of the little services rather than the big, expensive ones. Remember, in the beginning, every little bit is step towards making your business successful.

And, while we’re on the subject, remember that it’s okay to use your friends and family as test customers and offer them extra discounts. A neighbor of mine owned a construction business and the first 10 or so projects he did were for friends and family. Remember, those people know other people and if you do great work for them, they’ll be happy to recommend you to others in their networks.

Can you break out of your comfort zone?

This is an essential part of owning your own business and it mostly relates to self-promotion. Many women are too modest or insecure to step up and say “hey, I’m awesome. In fact, I’m more awesome than everyone else so hire me instead of those other losers” (maybe that’s not verbatim). We don’t like to play up our talents or gifts or abilities. It’s uncomfortable and weird and awkward and it sounds like we’re showing off. We don’t like the perception that self-promotion brings (at least in our heads) but, as it pertains to running a business, it’s essential.

You have to brag about your accomplishments and what you can do. You have to tell people that you exist if you want customers or clients. You have to make yourself stand out above your competitors not only by doing quality work but engaging in self-promotion. This is the part that I’ve struggled with the most. It’s weird to put a tweet or a blog post of Facebook status letting the world know that you’re for hire. But trust me when I say that you never know who’s listening and what doors it can open up for you. So, one day, when you’re feeling brave, just do it once. Just get over the first hurdle. The rest becomes a lot easier.

Yes, having your own business is a great way to earn extra money. I do recommend it. But before you do, make sure that it’s something you’re willing to fully commit to. If it’s not, there are plenty of other ways to earn extra income for your household.

Readers, what do you think is important to consider before starting a business?

When driven meets depression

March 1, 2013 by Jana 6 Comments

A few days ago, someone described me using a word I never expected. He said I am driven.

I guess, on the surface, it looks that way. After all, in the year since I've left full-time, traditional employment, I've started a mentoring program (which, after my daughter, is the best thing I've ever created), started a blogger consulting business, finished NaNoWriMo and am currently editing the manuscript, have 2 other ideas I'm working on, and a few other personal things that I'm not ready to discuss (I know. It's surprising that I am not willing to share something. Maybe someday). And I somehow manage to work on all of this every week.

(And I've stopped napping every day, too. Okay, fine. I've stopped napping most days. That's a big accomplishment.)

While this may seem like the week of a driven, motivated person, it's really not. Because there, lurking beneath the surface, is my old nemesis. Depression. And her asshole sidekick, anxiety. When the two of them get together, they make it so that no matter how much I do or don't do, it just doesn't seem like enough. Or that I am doing something wrong. Or that I am not working hard enough and I should be doing more. Or that even my successes are somehow failures.

It's pretty shitty to live in my head. It's not fun to think that no matter how much you do or how hard you work, there should be more. I constantly doubt everything I do and every decision I make because that's what depression does. It gets a stranglehold on your self-esteem and self-worth and tells you you're not good enough and never will be. Depression is a big fat liar but it's really persuasive. You can help but buy what it's selling.

It's even more frustrating this time around because last year, I emerged victorious from a pretty severe bout of depression. (Actually, that bout was pretty damn close to a breakdown, but we can talk about that another time).

But that's not the worst part. No, for someone like me, who has tons of ideas and wants to work hard at refining them and making them the best I possibly can, the roadblocks that depression throws in the way are the worst part. When I am in the thick of an episode–like now–it takes everything I have to just barely function, never mind function at the capacity I know I can. And when I do have to fire with all cylinders, I am so exhausted for the next few days that even cooking dinner or doing anything that's not sitting on the couch takes every bit of energy I have. As a result, I spend days or weeks just doing the minimum I need to and falling behind, which costs me money and, even worse, opportunity.

Now that I think about it, maybe that's actually the worst part. Losing opportunity means that I am not advancing my ideas or selling my products and services or doing everything in my power to put DMS and Bloggers Helping Bloggers at the top of their game. None of my projects are where I want them to be and having to compromise my standards because of something I can't control just ramps up the anxiety and all it winds up creating is a shitstorm of frustration, lack of motivation, and a complete withdrawal from everything I enjoy and care about, although somehow I am able to pull it together for my daughter. I genuinely don't know how. Maybe it's the meds.

I hate depression. I hate that no matter how hard I try, I can't get rid of it. It's always there, like a really creepy stalker waiting to pounce as soon as I stop checking for it around the corner. While I am better armed to deal with its attacks now, and have figured out a way to at least control my money when it hits, it still hurts just as much.

The good news is that I know it'll eventually dissipate. The severity of this latest round will lessen and I will get back to my version of normal. I'll get back on track with all my projects and work at the capacity I know I can. I appreciate all of you hanging in there with me, letting me rant about my mental health issues, and the incredible support you give me daily. It's what prevented me from quitting blogging and it's what's giving me the encouragement to continue.

Well, that, and I really want to see my book in a bookstore.

Things I Was Not Prepared For Entering Motherhood: The Good, The Bad and The Stinky

February 27, 2013 by Jana 13 Comments

This is a guest post from my friend and Bloggers Helping Bloggers mentee, Catherine, who blogs at Plunged In Debt. Make sure to stop by her site or follow her on Twitter when you’re done reading her post. She writes some great stuff (and she’s a pretty cool lady, too).

My husband and I welcomed our first child this past June (Jana’s note: Yay for June babies! We’re the best!). I know it’s a total cliché, but it really was a life-changing event. There’s no other way to describe never using the bathroom unattended again.

I am a planner. I am a type A personality in almost every way. If I don’t know the answer to something I become near compulsive until I find said answer. Google is my crack. Needless to say, as soon as I found out I was pregnant I became a Google-monster, book-reading train wreck. If I was driving myself nuts with researching everything to do with pregnancy and parenthood, I can only imagine what my poor friends and family were going through having me around (Jana’s note to future moms: stay the hell away from baby sites and books. People never want to tell you the good things, only the bad, scary ones, and you will, in fact, make yourself nuts).

Becoming a mother is a funny thing. You very quickly realize that no matter how prepared you may think you are, it doesn’t matter because your baby has other plans! Becoming a mother means disengaging the type-A, overachieving personality traits, and letting go. You learn to roll with the punches and re-live your entire life in a different way. Entire life.

As prepared as I thought I was, these are things I could never have foreseen going into Motherhood.

Poop is exciting

You learn an entirely new diagnosing process through poop. As a mother you become a poop-stalker. Learning scientific, analytic-type skills you didn’t know you had in you. Maybe all my years spent dissecting stuff during my first undergrad weren’t totally wasted skills? A baby’s health can be very obvious through their stinky diaper. You learn to love seeing normal poos everyday. (Jana’s note: This is completely true. My husband and I discussed poop every day when our daughter was a baby. Now that I think about it, we still talk about poop every day. We’re very classy.)

Socializing is defined around necessity to wear a bra

I’m on maternity leave. My kid spits up, oozes poo and spits food at me. I don’t wear my finest when I’m at home. Unless I have to go somewhere you can usually find me lounging in my comfy clothes or pj’s that I don’t care about. When you have a baby breastfeeding on demand, a bra becomes annoying and cumbersome. Don’t get me wrong, I still remember how to clean up, and maintain an acceptable level of cleanliness, but I often find myself making decisions based on whether or not a bra would be necessary. A decision making process I didn’t know existed in society pre-baby. (Jana’s note: as a well-endowed lady, I am not afforded the luxury of going bra-free. I am a tad jealous of Catherine right now).

There is rarely a right answer

After our daughter was born I would continue to look up anything and everything in books and on the internet. Was she latching properly? How the eff do I make her sleep? What is this rash? How do I learn to change a diaper with my eyes closed? I looked for everything and quickly came to the conclusion that there is no right answer. There are a lot of good reference materials out there, but nothing could really prepare me entirely for parenthood.

If someone had asked me before her being born if I would co-sleep I would think you were nuts. Sure, she might share a room with us the first few nights but that would be it. Ha. Ha. Ha.

I had a c-section. Between discomfort levels and tubes connected to me, it was difficult for me to get up and re-position throughout those first few nights. Even with my husband sleeping in the same room as me at the hospital, it was much easier and very natural, to have her sleep beside me in bed, within an arm’s reach. I never intended it to extend beyond the hospital stay.

When we arrived home, in her bassinet she went (though still in our room). After WEEKS of searching for ways of trying to get my kid to sleep I decided that it was more important that she sleep than where she sleeps. In bed with us she came and guess what? We all slept better instantly. (Jana’s note: I differ from Catherine a bit here. I am not a supporter of co-sleeping but I won’t tell you not to. You need to choose what’s right for you and your kid and if you do co-sleep, please just do it safely).

Time goes fast

No amount of reading and research could prepare me for how fast time goes when you have a kid. Nowhere did I read time increases at warp speed. I cannot believe almost nine months has passed and she’s almost walking. I’ve really learned to ~~stop~~ cut back on sweating the small stuff and enjoy all that motherhood offers, good and bad. (Jana’s note: Yup. Time goes very fast. My daughter is 6 and I swear she was an infant yesterday).

Love grows

I fully expected my baby to be born and for me to instantly be madly in love. I wasn’t. I certainly felt connected and my instincts were to protect her, but my love for her had to grow. It continues to grow every day. I love her more than any words could possibly describe, but this is a feeling that has developed over the last nine months. It wasn’t brought upon me instantly. I initially felt bad about this but realized it’s a totally normal process of emotional growth.

Any parent will tell you having a child is the best thing in the world and it really is. When else in one’s life do you get the chance to instill as much dysfunction as you want? I kid. Seriously I love being a mom so much more than I ever thought possible. Even more than Google told me I would. It really is the best, and stinkiest job, in the world. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Preparing my child for the future

3 tips for finding extra time

3 questions to ask before starting a business

When driven meets depression

Things I Was Not Prepared For Entering Motherhood: The Good, The Bad and The Stinky

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