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The quick fix won’t solve the problem. You will.

July 5, 2013 by Jana 10 Comments

A few days ago, I was talking to a friend of mine. She mentioned that she had seen an advertisement or something on Facebook for a product that can help you lose a whole lot of weight ridiculously quick. She seemed intrigued. I wasn't interested. The product seemed like a) a scam and b) nothing but a quick fix. And I am not a fan of the quick fix. I prefer to do things the hard way, working towards a goal through effort and committment, relishing in both victories and setbacks. Also because maybe I hate myself a little.

Because when it all comes down to it, a quick fix doesn't change behavior. And if you don't change the behavior, you'll be right back in the same situation after the fix is gone. And that is not something that appeals to me.

Let's look at this situation as an example: a single 30 year old woman with no dependents–just a dog–finds herself in over $10K of credit card debt because maybe she has a crazy shopping addiction that's so bad she can't even remember buying half of what she has. Stressed about money, she tells her mom that she's deep in debt (with this as her only debt) and the mother, rather than sympathizing or pointing her adult child in the direction of resources to get herself back on track pays. Off. The. Entire. Amount.

What do you think happened next? Yup. The woman wound up back in credit card debt. Because she didn't have to change any habits or learn new behaviors that would prevent it from happening again. The problem just went away with a quick fix. There was no opportunity for her to learn…well, anything. And given her personal situation, it would have been the perfect time for her to learn to budget. Or not shop as a sport. Or pay attention to the price of things. Or how to cook and bring lunch from home instead of ordering in from expensive NYC take-out places. Or adjust any number of the dozens of bad financial habits that put her in credit card debt. Twice.

The hardest part about watching this unfold is that she tuned out most practical advice. Until she met her now-husband and they went through some horrible financial situations together. That shocked her into reality and she realized no rapid solution could turn it around. Just good old fashioned dedication and work. And although she still shops for sport, she's way more conscious of what, when, and how much she spends (because her husband took away her credit cards so she's learning to pay with cash. Major behavioral change there). Also she downsized many of her things. Which is another huge step and major behavioral victory.

As a result, she's out of debt again which is awesome and I am so proud of her. I'm confident it won't happen a third time because working through her debt repayment the second time took actual dedication and effort. She made necessary habitual changes. She remembers how much it sucked to pay it off. She learned the necessary lessons that the quick fix couldn't teach her.

This story is just one in a sea of stories explaining why a quick fix almost never works. Not only do they leave you looking for the next one and send you into a very dark cycle, but in order to affect change in the long run, you have to put in effort. Make changes. Learn new habits and ways of thinking. Adjust behaviors. Realize that the work is worth it because while the quick fix solves the problem temporarily, it doesn't make it go away.

And I don't know about you, but I'd like my problems to go away permanently. Not just for a weekend.

 

Filed Under: Money Motivation, money tips

How not to suck as a party host

July 3, 2013 by Jana 12 Comments

I love hosting parties at my house. In fact, as we look for our new house, one of my criteria was that it had to be conducive to parties. Particularly the backyard. Because there really is nothing better than having your friends and family over for a summer barbecue. Except maybe Thanksgiving.

Anyway, as someone who enjoys hosting parties, I pay careful attention to what others do. And, for whatever reason, I have been attending supremely horrible parties lately. Like truly, truly awful. The kind of party that makes you wish you were home doing laundry or dusting. And I've been thinking about the steps that the party throwers could have taken to make their fetes infinitely better. And I've decided to assemble them in one place so if you want to throw a party, you know exactly how not to suck as a host:

  1. Clean your house. It doesn't need to be immaculate. But sweeping the floors, emptying the trash cans, and putting away dirty dishes make a huge difference. Also, if your furniture is covered in dog hair, run a vacuum over it. Your guests don't need to look like a hamster is grasping at their legs when they stand up. This also goes for pools. If you are having a pool party, clean your pool. Seriously. No one wants to swim in your swamp water.
  2. Decorate. Like cleaning, it doesn't have to be perfect. But a few things like a table centerpiece, coordinated plates and silverware, and a few balloons go a long, long way. Particularly for a birthday party. The small touches are inexpensive and give the party a festive atmosphere. And also, that open pantry you have? Cover that shit up with streamers or a banner or something. Anything. I implore you.
  3. Open the windows for light. Unless the theme is “cave dwellers” or the party is at night, open the windows. Let the sunshine in. Or, at the very least, turn on some lamps or overhead lighting. Guests like to see where they're going and also each other. If it's an evening party, just turn on the lights. I don't know the layout of your house and bumping into walls kind of kills my party buzz.
  4. Climate control. If it's the summertime, turn on the air conditioner. If you don't want to do that because of people going in and out, have fans available. You want your guests to be comfortable and not sweating profusely. Because smelly guests are not happy guests. And if your party happens to occur in cooler weather, have a central location for coats and make appropriate adjustments for the warmth in your home. Attendees don't want to freeze or go on an epic scavenger hunt for their jackets.
  5. Talk to your guests. It pains me that I actually have to add this to the list. When you invite people to your home for a party, nothing says “I'd rather all you fuckers leave” than ignoring the invitees. The conversations don't have to be long, in-depth discussion of religion and politics but a little “hey, how about the weather” type small talk won't kill you and it'll also make your friends and family feel welcomed rather than like an inconvenience.
  6. Be aware of dietary restrictions. With the abundance of food allergies and dietary restrictions going on these days, you have make accommodations for everyone (and you should know this because you have a kid with food allergies, lady whose house I went to for a party the other day). If you're not sure, ask. People are more than happy to share dietary preferences with whomever will listen. And if you can't or won't cook for them, let them know ahead of time. It's a pain in the ass to be invited to a dinner party only to find out you can't eat anything.
  7. Make arrangements for your pets. As a dog owner, I feel that if people are coming to visit my house, they need to accept that my dogs live there. If they can't, then don't visit. However. In the event of a party, you're not only dealing with pet dander allergies, children who are afraid of dogs, and the general inconvenience of having your pets under foot. It's just for a few hours; crate them, send them to doggy daycare, put them in a room. Have cats, not dogs? Then do whatever it is that people do with cats. I've done it and it's not a big deal.
  8. Have a plan B. Like talking to your guests, I can't believe I have to write this. If you are planning an outdoor summer party, check them weather forecasts obsessively for the week leading up to the event. Make alternative arrangements, whether it's indoor activities, a rain date, or something else, so that your guests are a) not inconvenienced and b) bored. Even if you don't need it, have it on hand. Because Mother Nature can be a crazy bitch.

Please be advised: following these steps will not ensure that your party is great. That's a whole different topic. No, these can only help you be a good party host.

Or, at the very least, prevent your friends from writing a blog post about you.

 

Filed Under: Family, Life Tagged With: parties

July’s challenge: Cross That Sh&t Off

July 1, 2013 by Jana 7 Comments

How’d the use that sh&t up challenge work out for you? I did great! I didn’t buy any new lip gloss, lip balm or any of their relatives. I need to, particularly in the lip gloss category, and I’ve decided that instead of just bringing the new stuff in to add to the collection, I’m going purge the older stuff, too (did you know that Body Shop lip balm has an expiration date? Neither did I).  Not only will it make me seem like less of a lip product hoarder but they’ll be some justification as to why I buy something new.

Except this time, given how infrequently I go places that would implore me to wear lip gloss, I’ll only buy one color. Maybe 2. Definitely not more than 3.

I don’t know about you but I kind of liked having a challenge to work on during the month. It forced me to think about what I was doing in one area and then, by extension, made me more conscious of other areas of my life. I need that.

To keep the momentum going I’m instituting a monthly challenge here on DMS. On the first Monday of every month, I’ll issue a new challenge not only for myself but encourage you to join along. You can discuss your challenge in the comments, on your blog, on the DMS Facebook page5, or keep it to yourself and work on it privately (I totally respect if you choose this method). You can also ignore it, too, and just be a voyeur towards my progress. That’s cool.

someecards.com - Let's see... What else should I put on my to-do-but-probably-wont list.
Punctuation error is not mine. Also on my to-do list: correct everyone’s grammar.

By now you might be wondering just what is July’s challenge? This month, I, along with you, will complete items on our to-do lists that we’ve been avoiding for whatever reason. The big item I’m working on this month is a book proposal, of which I have written approximately zero words. I know exactly why I haven’t and I need to get over it (I have a fear of success. We’ll talk about that on Wednesday). That’s what I plan on doing this month.

If you don’t have a neglected to-do list item, you can do any of the following:

  • Automate your savings or balance your checkbook or any other tedious financial task.
  • Do something that makes you uncomfortable. Take a group exercise class or join On Target Coach’s Winners Wake Up Early challenge. I know waking up at 5 AM makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
  • Try something you wouldn’t try under different circumstances. My friend Martin (of Studenomics) also writes a fitness site, Kettlebell Rebels, and he has a number of great ideas.
  • Contact a blogger whose site you like and would love to guest post on. Ask if you can. (I need to do this along with the book proposal).
  • Clean out a room or closet in your house that scares you and you know that and you’ve been not cleaning it out on purpose but it looks like Monica’s closet and you have to so you don’t die the next time you open it.
  • Get rid of a friend who treats your poorly or just isn’t a good friend but you’ve been hanging on the friendship even though it drags you down because it’s easier (Item #3 on my list this month).
  • Anything else you can think of that you need to do but haven’t.

This challenge is definitely harder than last month’s and it’s that way on purpose. I feel like if I can tackle these items, it’ll get my momentum going for bigger—and smaller—challenges.

So, are you in? What are you going to cross of your list this month?

Filed Under: Life, Money Tagged With: monthly challenges

The Listen/Watch/Read List: Take 4

June 30, 2013 by Jana Leave a Comment

I missed last week’s edition. I wish there was a good excuse for why but really, there isn’t. So we’ll just move on from where we left off two weeks ago.

But before we do that, I have a public service announcement: Google Reader disappears tomorrow. It sucks and it’s a big pain in the ass but we live in the Google galaxy and we’re stuck with their rules. However, that doesn’t mean you have to miss out on Daily Money Shot. You can sign up by email by selecting the envelope icon on the sidebar (I know you know this but I figured I’d be superhelpful because I’m awesome like that) or by following along at BlogLovin’. Eventually I’ll get around to updating my subscription buttons. I should probably do that sooner than later.

Now, on to the good stuff:

What I’m reading: I’m still working my way through the book I mentioned last, Confessions of a Sociopath. It’s a great book, but it’s also dense, intense reading and my half melted, completely distracted summertime brain cannot focus on it in more than 15 minute increments (I should also not try to read a book like this when I’m in bed, trying to fall asleep. That is a recipe for an unfinished book). However, in addition to reading a book, I’ve also been reading these blogs that you need to go read when you’re done here:

Save Outside the Box: Joel is a relatively new blogger, he’s participated in Bloggers Helping Bloggers, and his site is quite good. One of my favorite posts is Rethinking the American Dream and it has nothing to do with the fact that it reminds me of the lyrics in a Rise Against song.

Caviar and Quarters: Written by brunch planner extraordinaire Sofia, her site is a more a lifestyle blog than personal finance but that doesn’t stop it from being great. Go visit her and show her some love. Maybe she’ll ask you to join us at the next FinCon brunch.

What I’m watching: Nothing. I’m trying to decide between starting Sons of Anarchy or buying the second season of Hell on Wheels and watching that. I picked up the latter after the second season had finished (only the first season is on Netflix) and have yet to see it. The third season starts in August. But I’ve heard great things about Sons of Anarchy. Opinions are welcome.

brother-trouble
I like them. You should, too.

What I’m listening to: I hope you’re sitting down for this (which I’m assuming you are unless you’re reading this on your phone while standing on line somewhere. If that’s the case, then step out of line and sit down). Because I? Have been listening to a country band. Brother Trouble. I saw them twice when I was in Nashville and they. Kick. Ass. Their music is fun to listen to and they are really entertaining performers. Also, they mix non-country stuff like the Beatles and Sublime and Tom Petty and Prince into their set. So you know I’m digging that. If I’m ever in Nashville again, I will probably plan my trip around their performances (Maybe. I’m not totally psychotic. Only a little). Also, I couldn’t find a good video and I’m too stupid to figure out how to add an mp3 to my site so just go to Spotify, look for “Live From Nashville” and listen. Worth. It. (And, if you know what “Butt Lights” means, please let me know. I’m a Northerner and I’m pretty sure this is a Southern thing. I think I’m in need of a Southern to Norther dictionary).

And, finally, my favorite pin of the week (something new I’m adding) because it’s the sad but true story of my life (oh, you’re not following me on Pinterest? You should be):

someecards.com - Why is it I can remember the lyrics to my favorite song in high school 20 years later, but I can't remember why I came into the kitchen??

Filed Under: entertainment

Relocating to follow a dream? Answer these questions first.

June 28, 2013 by Jana 5 Comments

Remember the other day how I said I would talk another day about moving to chase your dreams? You’re in luck because today is that day. Also, I promise that this is my next to last Nashville inspired post. You have to bear with me on that because I was there for a week and I had a lot of time to myself. This is what happens when I’m left alone.

Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. Are you willing to work to find out?
Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn’t. Are you willing to work to find out?

The idea of moving to follow your dreams is not a new one. After all, it’s the basis for dozens of movies and books and one of my personal favorite songs (Poison’s Fallen Angel. No judgment). It’s the reason Nashville and New York City and Los Angeles are filled with so many aspiring actors, singers, writers, models, and their ilk. It’s the belief that if you want to make it big, you have to move to the heart of your industry. And maybe there’s something to that (let’s be honest, there is). And if you have the balls to do it, I give you a standing ovation. Because it really does take a strong person to leave everything behind to pursue a dream. I don’t know that I’m that strong so I envy you a bit.

However. Even if you are that strong and are seriously considering moving to chase a dream, I want you to ask yourself these few questions before you do it:

  1. Is it really necessary? Can I figure out a way to do this without actually moving? It is possible to fulfill your fantasy without uprooting your entire life. There’s things like local theater, local politics, semi-pro and amateur sports contests and leagues, the Internet, and numerous other outlets for you to do use to build your dream career. Quite frankly, before you move, I recommend that you start at that level, and I do so for 2 reasons: 1) it’ll give you practice, a good foundation, and beginning resume if you do relocate and 2) it’ll give you a good feel if this is, in fact, something you’d like to do as a career. If you can’t handle an open mic night with 17 people present, how are you going to handle an entire arena?
  2. Can I afford it? Do you have the start-up capital to begin life in a new city? It’s expensive to move and, if you’re going to do so, you need to make sure that you have money to support yourself those first few months. Before you hop in your car and make a run for it, take some time to research cost of living. Figure out how much money you’re going to need to get started. And, if you don’t have it now, delay leaving. Stay where you are, save some money, set a target date and then go.
  3. How will I support myself once I’m there? It’s the rare person that moves to a new city to begin a dream career, particularly one in the entertainment industry, with a good paying job. Or any job at all. You need to make sure that you have some sort of income source (which, thanks to the Internet, is easier than ever) in order to provide your basic needs once you’ve relocated. For instance, my little sister’s BFF from high school worked as a ticket collector at a museum after he finished college so he could support himself while he auditioned. It was a job, and that’s all that mattered. Are you willing to work that kind of job to support yourself? If the answer is no, then stay put.
  4. What’s my backup plan? Maybe you’ll succeed. And I hope you do. But what if you fail? What if you spend 5 years doing everything you can think of and you never make it big (or even medium)? What will you do then? While it’s great to be optimistic and confident (can you give me tips?), create a backup plan. Just in case. A backup plan is why a number of athletes stay in college instead of going to the draft after their freshman year. A backup plan is why child actors go to college in the first place. It’s why, if you become successful, you need to manage your money really, really well. Because whatever you’re doing may not last. And you need to be able to do something else.
  5. Am I willing to do whatever it takes? When you move, are you willing to do crappy plays or play to 6 people or write obituaries or work as a tour guide at a studio or waitress at a bar just to get your foot in the literal and figurative door? Are you willing to start from the bottom, doing things you feel are beneath you because you see the long term benefit? Most people who are successful didn’t fall into it overnight. They did it through blood, sweat, tears, hard work, maybe compromise their morals, doing things they wouldn’t ordinarily do (no, not porn. Stop it) to promote themselves. Are you willing to walk around a bar with a bucket in hand, asking people to tip you and your band? If not, maybe you should reconsider some things.

If you can’t answer these questions with positive, affirmative, and concrete responses, then my advice is to stop (collaborate and listen). Right now. Do some serious thinking about your choices and then revisit the questions in a month or so.

It’s great to dream. I do it all the time. I have some (okay, fine. A lot) delusions of grandeur about becoming an incredibly successful writer. And it’s something I encourage everyone to do (both dream of my successful writing career and whatever it is you’d like to do). However, if you have a dream, please consider if moving and changing your whole life is the best and only way to achieve it. 

Filed Under: money moves, work

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Jana

I'm Jana ...

A book reading, nail polish wearing, binge watching, music loving, dog owning, reluctant cheer mom.
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