In case you missed the announcement on Instagram, we’ve added a new member to our family. His name is Willard. Here he is. And yes, his name is from exactly where you think.
As a suburban girl, born and raised, I’m still struggling with adapting to country living. Buying a riding lawn mower? Well, I guess that means I’m officially country folk and I need to leave the suburban girl at the mall.
It’s a been a long process to acceptance and when we bought Willard the other day, here’s what went through my head:
So that’s what $1500 looks like. I feel like it should be prettier.
It’s cheaper in the long run than hiring the neighbor’s lawn service.
But where the hell are we going to get $1500? Might be time to start hooking.
Who am I kidding? I can’t do that. Might be time to start growing some stuff instead. We have the space.
He’s going to make me use Willard. I’m going to have to help cut the grass now. I don’t want to help cut the grass. It’ll probably turn into that scene from Mad Men. 
My husband is going to host lawnmower races. I just know it.
It’ll probably look like that scene in Footloose. Thank god there’s an emergency room less than 10 minutes from the house.
He’s going to play “Thank God I’m a Country Boy” REALLY loudly.
Oh, shit. He’s actually making a playlist of songs about tractors. What did I do to deserve this?
Wait, did he just refer to a lawnmower as a tractor? Isn’t a tractor a type of truck and a lawnmower, well, a machine for mowing the lawn? When did they become synonymous? I feel this is wrong.
I’m so glad we have a two car garage so the cars can park on the driveway and the lawnmower and the inflatable pool can go in the garage.
OMG, we have a riding lawnmower AND an inflatable pool. His music of choice is country. We’re one pickup truck away from official redneck status.
My life has taken a strange and unexpected turn. I need to process how I feel about this.
Did he and the child just have a conversation about which headphones they need to buy for when they use Willard?
Wait, did the child just say she wants to use him, too?
He’s planning winter activities for Willard. I just know it.
I hope none of them involve pulling the child behind Willard on a sled.
I think I just inadvertently gave him an idea. He doesn’t need more ideas.
I can deal with the rest but I swear, if he drives the lawnmower to the neighbor’s house instead of walking, I’m asking for a divorce.
OMG. We have a tractor, but I got a battery powered push mower to do the back yard and some of the front yard. I love it. It’s constructive exercise. I can start it myself- no pull thing- just push a button! I bag our grass! It’s the best thing ever. I would not be good driving a tractor! Good luck.
Love, SMD’s Momma
I never used the push mower because I’m scared of mowing off my toes. Now I have no excuse.
I saw your Instagram post and it reminded me how obsessed my husband is with these. He wants to buy one so bad. Mind you, we barely have any lawn that requires mowing. Every time we go to Home Depot he has to stare at them when they are all lined up outside. He thinks he can buy it to mow his parent’s lawn. Yea…how are you getting it to their house???
Karen recently posted…Current Reads…The Good And The Meh
Our old house had a very small lawn and Scott would joke all the time about buying a riding mower. I sort of took him seriously, too. Because he REALLY wanted one.
my husband has always wanted one! i think all guys want one of these and they dream about sitting in it, mowing the lawn in their wife beater with a cold beer under the hot summer sun. i think this is a guy thing.
kathy @ real talk recently posted…when workout freaks can’t workout
HAHAHAHA!! My husband in a wife beater!!! In the almost 20 years I have known him, he has never worn one but the image of it is hysterical. He’s from the country so a riding mower is standard fare around those parts. And now he has his very own. His life has come full circle.
First, I love the title of this post.
Secondly, LOLOLOL all the way through. If you have tractor races please let me know, I will come down to watch and photograph that shit. It’s gold!
SMD @ Life According to Steph recently posted…Shit MFD Said Vol 19
I will let you know that, definitely. Maybe one of my neighbors will let MFD use theirs and he can join in.
LOVE the use of that Mad Men GIF…that scene will haunt me forever.
Ali A recently posted…Mean Girls
RIGHT?! So gross and disturbing. Yet hilarious.
If he hasn’t already put it to use, just wait for it and pop outside to see the massive shit-eating grin he’ll have plastered all over his face! lolol!
Lindsay recently posted…Never Being Good Enough
I wish I had videoed what he looked like riding it around the lawn after we got it off the truck. Happier than a kid at Christmas.
If you start growing now you can get on the ground floor of what is sure to be a booming business in the future then you can pay someone with a Willard to mow and still have money for fun stuff.
Also I think if you pretend you can’t work Willard properly and maybe mow down some flowers or something you could get out of having to use him.
Kellli recently posted…Interview With Little K
I think that if I mow down some flowers, Scott will try to mow ME down. No joke.
My husband is weird. He enjoys mowing the lawn and has said that even if we had the money, he’d still want to do it himself. Most of the time.
Nice! My husband has been aching for a riding lawn mower for years.
Amber recently posted…Hey, It’s Okay Tuesday!
Mine grew up with one and in our old house, we didn’t need one. So it’s fulfilling a childhood dream of his to own his very own.
Soooo growing up as a country bumpkin, we had this old lawnmower we would pile 3-4 people on and we’d ride around the farm as fast as possible. Let me help you better get a mental image: 3 to 4 5-10yos riding around on this ghetto ass lawnmower (with no actual mower parts on the bottom) all the day long. Piled on top of each other, sometimes taking turns at driving, but always trying to sling someone off. It was the same with the ghetto ass golf cart we also had access too.
Also, hell yes to naming the lawn mower!
Teh Megan recently posted…Confessions {6/17}
Of course it has a name. EVERYTHING has a name.
I don’t want to picture that scene because my mother instincts are freaking out just reading it.
The title of this post is brilliant, as is the NASCAR American ecard! Congratulations on your new addition (I think?)!
Thanks! And thanks. Willard is a necessity so it’s okay to congratulate us 🙂
Who knew the depths of redneck-ism ran so deep ;). I bet you DID give him winter idea for Willard!!!
lisacng @ expandng.com recently posted…Our experience with a CSA so far
I feel we’re only scratching the surface as my neighbor told me I need a pink camo hat. This might get out of hand quickly.
You seriously had me laughing the entire way through this. Crazy how expensive lawn mowers are, right??? Our push mower was almost $600. A PUSH MOWER!!! One where I still do 90% of the work. Who knew that I was going to be a skilled grass cutter? I am jealous of your ability to have a riding one. Our hill is too steep and a riding one would flip. If you have lawn mower races, I say you start taking bets. A great way to make money and you wouldn’t have to hook or grow anything.Just a thought. This reminded me of Son in Law. I want to go watch that movie now.
Nadine recently posted…Things I Do When No One Is Around
I actually tried to find a good gif from Son in Law because that is the first thought I had when we bought the damn thing.
I can’t even discuss the push mower. It has given us grief since day 1. It makes me *almost* miss our old house where we had a postage sized lawn and he could get the whole thing done in 15 minutes.
I laughed the whole way through this post. I eventually want an acre of land so a riding mower will be needed. I love that he was playing and singing tractor songs! Girl, you country now!
He hasn’t sung them just yet. But soon. I know it’s coming.
And sigh. I am country.
Hahaha this is awesome! We have a riding mower too and my husband loves it because our yard is big by suburban standards but not huge so he gets done mowing in record time!
Julia @ Grace Makes New recently posted…Birthday Weekend Fun
The time saving was a big reason why we finally got one. It was taking WAY too long to push mow. Like 4 hours. That’s just ridiculous.
Uhm…I’m also envisioning the final scene of Can’t Buy Me Love with dorky Patrick Dempsey and the cute blonde never to be heard from again riding away together in love. Maybe your man what’s to recreate that scene. Don’t do it.
Erin of TexErin-in-SydneyLand recently posted…#birthdayfun
Since I still fear my toes being mowed off, and the fact that the lawn mower is not a two seater, I’m 100% confident I will not do that. Also, I don’t even think Scott would know what I’m talking about if I mentioned it.
That’s harrowing. And I do think $1,500 should be prettier. Then again, we’re staring down $25,000 for my husband’s full-mouth dental implants. I love his smile but… that’s a down payment on a house down here!
Good luck keeping the little one away from Willard. Be kind to him. He never did anything to you. It’s your husband’s fault. Which you should remind him of as necessary.
Abigail @ipickuppennies recently posted…The benefits of chronic illness
We actually have a fairly big yard so getting a riding mower was an inevitability. I just wasn’t ready for it so soon.
ha ha I think it sounds pretty fun! It’s like riding a zamboni, but, uh, not? 🙂
Tonya@Budget and the Beach recently posted…The Ebbs & Flows of My Financial Life
Riding a zamboni has long been a dream of mine. I feel this would not compare.
OMG dying reading this! We’ve always had a big yard and have been tossing around the idea of a riding mower but my hubby is still a little old school and prefers not to spend the money when he can still go out there and push the regular old lawn mower around and get a workout on top of it. I think if we were to get a riding mower, he’d probably expect me to cut the grass too. No thanks! Lol.
Duckie recently posted…#vacayeveryday ft. Palm Breeze
We had a push mower but it broke which is why we had to buy Willard. I’m not looking forward to using it. But I am looking forward to the time saving he will provide.
Your thought process sounds exactly like mine! I’m in the middle of researching riding mowers. My husband keeps sending me links to these $2,000 mowers. Dream on, my dear! I think we may want to buy a used one.
Lawn mowers are really nice, whether or not you are a country person. In jr. high and high school I was the lawnmower for the family and it got so much easier when we got one. We had a fairly large yard. Now that I’m moved out, my three sisters all split the responsibility. They will not know how difficult it is to mow such a large area using only a push mower by yourself.