How we picked a guardian

I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m completely unprepared to die. And just in case I haven’t mentioned it, I’ll say it now: I. Can’t. Die.

I can’t die for all the important reasons like I’m too young or I have a child to raise or all that stuff but mainly, I can’t die because I’m totally unprepared for it, financially speaking. I have no will, no life insurance, no organization of my personal affairs like my websites and banking information, no compilation of my important documents (birth certificate, Social Security card); hell, I don’t even have a shovel buddy. It’s really quite sad and I know I need to get my shit together. You know, just in case.

However, there is one matter that is settled. In the event that my husband and I die at the same time, we have a guardian named for our daughter. Our parents and the guardian have been made aware; in fact, we even sat down with her to discuss whether or not she would be willing to assume the responsibility (of course, she said yes. Without any hesitation, I might add).  Of course we need to formalize it but everyone who needs to know this arrangement is aware. Which is super important.

It really wasn’t that hard for us to pick a guardian for our daughter (mainly due to very limited options). But before we finalized who we wanted, we had to analyze several factors:

• Age. While our respective sets of parents are in good health, they are starting to get older. The physical demands of raising a small child (and even a teenager) can be pretty staggering. We didn’t want to put any undue physical or mental strain on our getting older parents. We wanted someone who was young enough to keep up with her but old enough that they would be able to shoulder the responsibility (without shirking it).
• Education. Not so much the education level of the guardian but rather, the emphasis that person would put on Erica’s education. My husband and I think school is a HUGE deal, and we want someone who believes the same. We also wanted her guardian to encourage her to take part in extracurricular activities as well as attempt to supplement her education at home. I concede that we’re probably a little neurotic about this and that no one else would be as ridiculous, but we wanted someone who would come close.
• Religion. Ah, the big ongoing debate in my house. I’m  Jewish and my husband is not. However, we’re raising her to understand both faiths and we feel that, when she’s ready, she’ll gravitate more towards one than the other (we acknowledge that this is unconventional and not really recommended practice). We wanted the person raising her in our absence to understand our philosophy and not prevent her from understanding both sides of her religious background.
• Lifestyle. As parents everywhere will attest to, having a kid is WORK. It requires a substantial shift in everything you do from where you live to going out to who you associate with. It was important to us that the guardian not views caring for Erica as a significant burden and that they are aware of the change in lifestyle that goes with it. To that end, we needed someone who would be okay sacrificing weekends out with friends or postponing that vacation until school lets out.
• Money. Although I’m discussing it last, it was actually the first factor we discussed. While I disagree with most of what the experts say it cost to raise a child from birth to age 18, having a kid definitely makes a dent in the ol’ budget. We needed to be 100% certain that the guardian was fine and in a good financial place to accept the financial responsibility of caring for a kid. We didn’t want to place an undue financial burden on anyone. We also needed to make sure that the person raising her would have the good sense to teach her how to be financially responsible by being a good role model.

I’m sure there were some other criteria we used to determine our daughter’s guardian but these were the primary ones. We were lucky; we had one lengthy discussion between ourselves, one discussion with the person and the matter was settled. So at least that’s done.

I probably should get to the rest of it. I suppose it’s the adult thing to do. And this is one of those adult moments that makes me wish I were 16 again. Then I think about high school and having to do that again and writing a will sound exponentially better.