Birthday party etiquette (or lack thereof)

This past weekend was my daughter’s birthday party. We invited her friends from school and that was it. No family, no neighborhood friends, no kids of friends. She spends most of her time with her school friends anyway so it made sense. It wound up being fairly small (10 kids), which was fine with me. I think kids have more fun at smaller parties anyway.

Normally, her birthday parties are a time of stress but a good stress. The money isn’t an issue since I don’t care about spending money on my child’s birthday (since it is probably the most important day of the year). I don’t care about the work, effort, planning or anything like that. I will do anything for my daughter. But this year? The stress got to me. Because I’m tired of poor birthday party etiquette. It’s as if people completely forget their manners when it comes to children’s birthday parties. Maybe I was raised differently or maybe I expect too much. That’s entirely possible.

Here are a few of the situations that happened this year that pushed me to the brink:

• The party supplies I ordered from Amazon.com never arrived. 10 days before her party, I ordered the supplies–cups, plates, napkins, tablecloths, goody bags, cupcake decorations, Happy Birthday banner and something else I can’t remember right now. I ordered them from Amazon because she wanted a Care Bears party and apparently the Care Bears have been banned from my state as I could not find Care Bears anything anywhere. I even paid for the quicker shipping. Fine. No problem. What was the problem was that the important stuff–plates, cups, etc–never arrived. In fact, they still haven’t arrived. And now I have to go out of my way to FedEx when the supplies eventually do arrive and send everything back. And probably pay to do so. Oh, and let’s not forget the fact that the only place that had Care Bears anything was in Exton, PA. An hour away from my house! So what do you think I did last Saturday night? If you guessed drove to Exton, you win a prize.
• Half the invitees never even bothered with an RSVP. I get it. We’re all busy. Especially at this time of year. But I put the damn invitation in your child’s mailbox at school (well, the teacher did) so I know you got it. The fact that you can’t even bother with a quick text or email or telling me to my face when you see me at pick up or drop off makes me think one of two things: 1) you are rude or 2) you are irresponsible and forgetful. I’m not sure which of those is the least desirable quality because quite frankly, they’re all pretty bad. I know that my child’s birthday party is not high on your priority list but at least have the common, decent social courtesy of saying yes or no. You can even tell me to fuck off if you want. Just give me an answer to the party.
• Parents who sat in a corner with a scowl on their face as if attending a birthday party is akin to torture. Not all parents are outgoing, friendly people. That’s fine. I’m pretty shy myself. I’m not comfortable around people I don’t know and have never seen before (unless alcohol is involved. Then I’m everyone’s BFF), and I am terrible at small talk. However, when I bring my child to a birthday party for a child she has been in school with for almost 5 years, I at least make the attempt to have a brief conversation with the party host. At the very least, I say hello, good-bye, and thank you for having us. I can’t tell you how many parents sat with sullen, miserable looks on their faces and refused to speak to anyone. There was one in particular, let’s call him Captain Shorts, who I’m half convinced wanted to punch me in the face. If bringing your kid to a party is that bad, just say no. It works for drugs. It can work for parties, too.
• Bringing a sibling who is not friends with my child. I am all for inviting siblings to parties. As long as both siblings are friends with the birthday child. However, when I invite one child, that is not an automatic invitation to bring your older child to the party as well. It doesn’t matter that you offered to pay or that there was plenty of room. It’s the principle of the whole thing. That child was not invited. You had plenty of time to make other arrangements. If you have no family around, hire a babysitter. If you can’t afford a babysitter, try to set up a play date for your older child during the 2 hours of the birthday party. And if that doesn’t work, just bring the kid with an activity that she can do quietly in a chair during the party. Also, expecting me to feed that child is an unreasonable request. I’ll do it because it’s the right thing to do, but it’s rude of you to expect that.
• Not showing up. This has happened every year that my daughter has had a friend party. Someone will RSVP that her child will be in attendance but then, without warning, they don’t show up (let’s not get into the lack of apology the next time I see them). This irritates me to no end. It is rude, inconsiderate, and poor manners. When you make a commitment to attend a party, you show up. End of story. This year, the child who didn’t show up was supposedly “sick”. And, to her credit, the mom did try to let me know. By sending me a message on Facebook. Really?! Facebook? You have my phone number. You have my email address. Why on Earth would you use Facebook instead? And let’s not even get into the people who showed up over an hour late with absolutely no text or phone call…

Other than those few elements, the party went really well. All the kids had a blast and my daughter got her Care Bears party. Not to shabby for a 5th birthday.

At least I have about 360 to plan the next one. Maybe I should place the order with Amazon today.