My daughter was born in December. (In fact, her 5th birthday is next week and I have a very special Money Tune Tuesday planned in honor of her birthday.)
When most people hear that, their first comment is “Wow. That’s awful! What do you do? Do you just combine her birthday with Christmas?” The answer is a resounding no (for the record, we also don’t combine it with Hanukkah, which we also celebrate. And also, thanks for telling me that my daughter’s birthday is awful. While I understand what you mean, it is still rude).
When we found out that I was pregnant and that my due date was December 23, we immediately began a conversation about how we were going to handle her birthday among the other holidays. We agreed that she would never have a birthday present under the tree, she would never get a birthday present after lighting the menorah nor would she get a holiday present at her birthday party. It was (and still is) extremely important to my husband and I that we recognize the importance of our daughter’s birthday.
We also realized that our budget was going to take a huge hit every December. To combat that, we had lengthy discussion about how we could plan and budget for both without going bankrupt. Since we knew it was important to make them separate and distinct, we had to plan very carefully. And, as all of these events happen every December, there’s no reason for surprise.
So what do we do to financially plan for the onslaught of holidays as well as keep her birthday separate? We follow these steps:
Separating her birthday
- Plan her birthday party at least 2 weeks before Christmas. This way, there’s a clear distinction between her birthday and Christmas. As she gets older, we will probably do something small with just her close friends and then do a larger party in June.
- Let our families know that we will not be combining her birthday with the other holidays. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, well meaning family friends—they all like to give gifts and like so many others, like to combine them. This obviously does not mesh with our desire to separate them. By telling them our preference, we eliminate those problems. However, should her birthday fall during Hanukkah (which is does every other year), we are fine with giving her a birthday present and a Hanukkah present on the same day. As long as they are wrapped in different paper or there is some way to distinguish one from the other.
- Make the day all about her. Every year, on her actual birthday, one or both of us will take the day off of work and let her do whatever she wants (we don’t send her to school if her birthday falls on a weekday). We let her pick what we’re having for dinner and we make sure there’s a cake or cupcakes just for our family. This is also when she gets her card and gift from us.
Financially planning
- Have a specific budget for each. We have a very specific price limit for each event. Her birthday party usually takes up most of the birthday budget but we still get her a small gift.
- We maximize our Dependent Care account. We contribute the maximum amount allowable every year and, because of the way we structure the payments combined with the cost of daycare, we have a huge surplus every December. That money helps offset the cost of her birthday party as well as buying last minute Hanukkah and Christmas gifts.
- We shop as early as possible. I can’t stand Black Friday. I can’t stand the stores at holiday time. People are pushy, rude and generally unpleasant. By getting the shopping done as early as possible (or online), I don’t have to deal with the crowds. That way, by the time her birthday and the holidays come around, I have everything on hand. And I get the added bonus of spending my weekends at home instead of battling a crazy person for a parking spot.
To most people, it would just seem easier, financially and logistically, to include her birthday with Christmas (and, in my house, Hanukkah). However, I believe that her birthday is special, and should be treated as separate and distinct from other holidays in that month. Even if it means spending extra money. By planning for it, it’s not an extra burden and my daughter never feels that her birthday has been overshadowed by something else.
Do you have a December baby? Are you a December baby? How do you feel about separating birthdays from Christmas and Hanukkah?
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I completely agree that birthdays should be kept separate from whatever holiday it happens to coincide with. Great job on not letting her feel less special than another person who has a birthday not around a holiday.
I run into a budget drain in May. We have Mother’s Day, which involves presents for my wife, mom, and mother in-law, plus it’s my wife’s birthday and son’s birthday. It was putting so much strain on our budget that I ended up creating a small ‘May fund’ where we put a little bit aside every month. This will kick in next year to help offset some of the costs. We’d been doing this for Christmas gifts for a couple of years, but this quickly became necessary for May as well 🙂
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We have a similar situation. From the end of April thru the beginning of June we have our anniversary, Mother’s Day and my birthday. It’s not even so much about the money anymore…it’s about having ideas for gifts!
My birthday is on the 28th, and I always appreciated not having gifts combined. My presents did live under the tree, but they were there for me after Christmas. It was almost like Xmas: Part 2, It’s All About Jason.
No matter what, it sucks. I got a bunch of presents during the last week of the year, and nothing for the next 362 days.
My daughter is lucky in the sense that every time she sees her grandparents they have presents for her. It’s part of why, when she’s older, we want to do a half-birthday party for her in June. It does kind of suck that she has one month where she’s bombarded with gifts and the rest of the year is sparse.
That is awesome–I think you guys are handling it well! I can’t imagine having a birthday around the holidays but you guys are making a concerted effort to really distinguish the day. Everyone deserves their own special day : )
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Thank you and I totally agree.
My daughters birthday is near or on Thanksgiving every year but we have a separate party as well. We treat her birthday just like the rest of the kids: Special Breakfast, lunch and dinner with plenty of (frugal) Happy Birthday hoopla in between! My birthday is in January and is often pushed aside because everyone is broke from Christmas and the New Year!!!
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My father-in-law’s birthday is January 1st so I totally see where you’re coming from with feeling like your birthday is pushed aside. My dad’s birthday is at the end of January so he never had it as bad (plus, we’re Jewish and Christmas really isn’t a big deal for us 🙂 ) . But if I know your family, they go out of their way to make your day just as special as you do for them!
My brother’s birthday is in January, and my mom has always made sure that he had a birthday party and separate birthday presents for him. I admit to combining the value I wanted to spend on each into one big present, though, so I guess I’m guilty!
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If your brother doesn’t mind it, then there’s nothing to feel guilty about. But as a parent, I have to separate them, just like your mom does.
Great post – I never thought about this because I’m a may bday, but my sisters is a week before christmas. She sometimes got combo birthday/christmas presents from relatives,but wasnt very happy about it.
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I’m a June baby so this wasn’t something that was an issue for me until my daughter was born. But now that I know, I completely sympathize for all the December babies out there.
It’s important to make Dec. birthday people feel special, and I can clearly see you do a great job of that. I had a friend with a Dec 26 birthday, and she firmly refused doub-up gifts from family…they all had to be separate!
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I really don’t blame your friend! My daughter is young enough now where she probably wouldn’t know the difference but as she gets older, I can totally see her refusing friends and family to double-up on gifts.
December birthdays:
Mine (obviously the most important) Dec 21
Aunt: Dec 13
Cousin (daughter of above aunt): Dec 3
Growing up, BFF’s little sister: Dec 25
College friend: Dec 31
Goddaughter: Dec 26
So yeah, I’m a little familiar with December birthdays. And go you for making sure her birthday is always about her. My family is pretty good. My birthday gifts always come wrapped in birthday paper, and only the year that I requested a combined gift (cash to buy my first laptop) have I really gotten combined gifts.
But like someone else mentioned, I always hated that I only got presents in December. Sure on my actual birthday, my brother didn’t get presents, but he got them 4 days later. He got presents in April. I didn’t get anything except in December. So now, my agreement with C is that we don’t do birthday presents for either of us (we go out to dinner), I buy him a Chritmas gift and he buys me an anniversary gift- which happens at the end of August. I finally get my summer gift.
One other thing my mother started doing as I got older (and she didn’t have me every Christmas due to the divorce) was to give me my gifts at Thanksgiving. Yes, it was a holiday for everyone, but I was the only one opening presents, so that worked. I’ve instituted that tradition for our goddaughter (she turns 3 this month), and gave her a giant stuffed unicorn on Thanksgiving. Her parents usually wait until everyone is back from vacation in January to have her party.
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My daughter’s birthday is the same day as your aunt’s! There’s no way that I wouldn’t let her know how special her birthday is. I’m glad to hear that your family was able to work out a way to celebrate you. You totally deserve it!
I have a December birthday and it sucked growing up but my husband is awesome and really tries to make my birthday special. I am lucky enough that my children’s birthdays are about as far away from December as they can be.
It’s so nice that you are aware of this problem and try to make your daughter have a great birthday and a wonderful Christmas as two separate events. Kudos!
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Thanks, Niki! I’m happy to hear that your husband does an awesome job making you feel special. That’s what husbands are supposed to do! 🙂
My birthday is on Monday! Being that it’s already 2 weeks before Christmas, I haven’t really had an issue with family and friends trying to combine gifts. However, as I’ve gotten older, I’m more likely to request a double gift, because some of the things I wanted were expensive, like the Nook Color I got last year. I do have a problem trying to find a date for birthday gatherings though- I have a lot of friend’s birthdays and Christmas/Holiday parties to compete with!!
Love that you make sure to keep your daughter’s birthday as a separate special day!
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