5 tips from an unexpected SAHM

Almost a year ago, I left traditional full-time employment. It was a difficult, complicated decision; one that took hours of thought and discussion with my husband as well as hours of thought and discussion with myself about how I wanted to use my time. While that final decision is still up in the air, there are some days I find myself firmly entrenched in a camp I never believed I’d be: the stay at home mom.

Turns out, I’m actually pretty good at it. Had you told me that when my daughter was first born, I would have laughed right in your face. Loudly, too. But, as I’ve gotten used to it, I’ve realized I don’t totally suck as a stay at home mom (yes, I need some work in the housecleaning arena, but we’ll talk about that another day). It’s also surprisingly harder than I thought it was, even with my only child in school for about 7 hours a day. There’s a lot that needs to get done, and some days, I wonder how I managed to get everything done when I did have an outside the home job.

I guess I’m better at time management than I thought. Or perhaps that’s why I would have major anxiety and panic attacks. We can debate that another day.

Anyway, as I reflect on my first year as a stay at home/work at home mom (I don’t know how to label myself), here’s what I’ve learned to be essential at making it work:

1. Coupons. Now, I’m not talking grocery coupons. I don’t really use those. I’m talking coupons for activities, clothes, entertainment…things that we used to spend money on without batting an eye but now have to be more mindful of a budget. Redbox coupons have been an absolute blessing to our entertainment budget (provided I remember to return the movie within a day). For around $1 (Blu-Ray rentals are $1.53; with my $.50 off coupon, it’s $1), we can have a family movie night without all the hassle and annoyance of going to the theater.  Groupons and Living Social Deals have also helped us out tremendously.
2. Find a friend. If you’re new to being a SAHM, it’s crucial that you find a friend who’s been doing it a while. These people know so many tricks to having fun on a budget (assuming you’re in the group of people who need a budget and don’t have celebrity money floating around). My BFF has been a SAHM for almost 6 years and I have learned so much from her—what places have free crafts, how to have fun at the mall without spending money (seriously, it’s true), where kids can eat for free, and several more tips. And since money is also a concern for her family, we have no problem just hanging at each other’s homes.
3. Use what you have. While this applies to repurposing, upcycling, recycling, and just plain using what you already own, it also applies to things like memberships. I believe that memberships make sense if you use them, and for my family, our membership to our local YMCA is the best money we spend all month. Not only do we use it for working out but the outdoor pool means we don’t have to have a private swim club membership during the summer (we don’t have free community pools where I live), there are free family activities at night and on the weekends, and my kid can participate in sports at the greatly reduced membership rate ($43 for 8 weeks of cheerleading is a pretty sweet deal).
4. Cultivate a hobby. Being a SAHM is definitely kid-focused. But that doesn’t mean you have to forget yourself entirely (because if you do lose your identity, you do your kids a complete disservice. Your kids cannot make up who you are. And they need to see you enjoying yourself as well). Use the time you’re home to pick a hobby you’ve always wanted to have or rediscover something you used to love. It could be anything from keeping a blog or journal to reading books to learning to bake or running a marathon or playing the drums. It doesn’t have to be an expensive, time consuming hobby but you do need to carve out time for you. For me, exercising and reading have been my primary hobbies. And now I’m learning to sew. My family might benefit from that hobby, but really, it’s for me. Which is totally fine.
5. Be social. This couples with finding a friend. You cannot spend your entire life locked inside your house, devoted to your chores, housework, and kids. You need to get out and have some adult time. Even if it’s taking an exercise class or attending a mommy and me class or joining a book club—something to do once a week or month—you need to get out and interact with real life people. It’s great to have those personal, human connections. It’s wonderful to have adult conversations. And more than anything, taking a break from your kids is good for everyone. Seriously. They’ll be just fine if you leave for a couple of hours and your spouse/significant other/babysitter/whoever watches them.

I know there are more experienced SAHM who will disagree with a lot of what’s helped me survive the last year. And that’s okay. We all have different ways of coping and dealing with our situations, and I’m not here to judge. This is just what’s worked for me.

I’m pretty sure that as I figure out what the hell I’m doing with my life, my strategy towards staying home will change. Also, as my kid gets older, I know it’ll change. But for now, I’m going to stick with these few rules and see how it goes