4 tips for handling setbacks

Many of you know that I have begun my pioneer project. It's going…fine thus far. I've been mainly focused on two tasks: sewing and getting our garden started. The sewing is progressing nicely but the gardening is another story. Because, well, our plants are dead. Really, really dead.

We did everything we were supposed to do to get them prepped and ready for their containers (we have to container garden. HOA rules) and inside, they were kicking ass. Sprouting up all over the place. Nice and healthy. Anticipation ran amuk in my house with the bounty that we would produce. And then the plants got too big for their indoor greenhouse thingy, we transferred them to larger containers, left them outside in the sun, watered them every day and poof! They croaked. Now we have to start all over again. It's quite a setback in our gardening plans.

This has happened to us financially, too. Just when we thought we were getting on track, things happen. We needed 2 new cars in 6 months. Our HVAC system needed repair. The dog had to go to the emergency room. I stopped working full-time. Fortunately, this did not all happen at once but each time was a financial setback (thankfully we have an emergency fund but still, it does have to get paid back). Money back in to the EF meant money we couldn't use for something else like long-term savings or an extra payment on the husbsnd's student loans or contributing to the child's 529. Setbacks like this are maddening and frustrating.

Fortunately, setbacks can be handled with minimal damage to a relationship and a wallet. And they're not impossible to recover from:

1. Identify the cause. In order to fix the problem, it's important to figure out potential causes. By identifying those, you can start coming up with a plan to prevent it from happening again. In the case of our garden, we either transferred the plants too early or didn't use the right kind of dirt (soil. Whatever). So, when we start again, we know to keep track of dates on a calendar and go to a gardening center to get help for selecting the appropriate dirt.
2. Accept your role in the problem. For the most part, bad things just don't happen. Human error is involved either through mistakes, poor planning, or willfully ignoring a smaller problem that caused the larger one. Blaming others for your misfortune might make you feel better but it doesn't solve anything. Acknowledging what you've done makes it easier to adjust your behavior in the future. After our dog went to the ER last year, it was easy to blame him for eating the toys but really, we had to be better about supervising the child's clean up since we know Dobie is prone to this activity.
3. Make a plan. And stick to it! When a setback happens, it's easy to throw our hands in the air (and wave 'em like you just don't care) and quit. It's easy to fall into the trap of self-pity and say “why does this always happen to me?” And if you have to wallow in that for a few days, go ahead. But then snap out of it and formulate a plan to get back on track. Write down tangible, concrete goals with a timeframe. When we had to buy my husband a new car, we had just entered the land of no car payments and we were seriously pissed off. And we allowed ourselves to be. But then we devised a budget, a car shopping plan and a schedule for paying off his car early. What a great day that was, too.
4. Let it go. Once something bad happens, particularly when it comes to money, you have to let it go. Harping on the fact that it happened won't undo it; in fact, it'll just make the situation worse. I liken this to a baseball pitcher giving up a home run. None of them want to do that but it happens. But once the runner crosses home plate. It's done. Gone. Over. The next batter is a chance to start fresh and move on. Treat your setbacks the same way.

Setbacks happen to even the most careful, meticulous planners. You could have the most detailed, specific debt repayment plan ever created but one day, something might happen that throws all of it into a tailspin. And that sucks. But you can let one misfortune derail all of your hard work. Learn from the situation, readjust, regroup, and start over (even of it sucks). And remember to tell yourself that this setback is only temporary and eventually, you'll reach your goal.

Readers, how do you handle financial setbacks?