31 Steps for Feeling Happier, Steps 27-29: Catching up (again)

Writing on the same topic every single day for 31 straight days is hard, y’all.

Perhaps it’s why I’ve failed at this challenge.

Perhaps it’s also partly why I chose to call this series “31 Steps” instead of “31 Days”. Gives me some slack and also gives me some grace for the days I don’t have the time or the energy to write (for instance, this past Sunday. Up before 6 AM to drive an hour and a half for my daughter’s cheerleading competition) or haven’t been proactive enough to schedule posts in advance. But I think another part of the challenge was to write every day and not schedule anything advance so technically, I played by the rules.

At least that’s what I’m telling myself. Because sometimes you need to tell yourself small little lies in order to feel better. And you know what? That’s okay.

As long as it’s not a major lie and it’s not hurting anyone. That wouldn’t be okay. In fact, that’d be horrible for everyone involved. Maybe even illegal.

So don’t do that.

I think this is getting away from me.

Let’s bring it back around.

Today we’re going to work on 3 steps (27-29 in the series) that in no way are related except for the fact that each one of them, in their own way, will help make you feel happier. Two of the steps are fairly easy to do. The other, however, is quite difficult and definitely won’t happen in a day. It’s a process and one that I’m working on myself. But the end result means that we’ll be able to do what we never thought possible, including reaching for long term goal or dream. It means that we’ll be able to focus on what’s really important instead of petty, insignificant things.

It means that we’ll get shit done instead of waiting for the right time (which is a myth and doesn’t really exist anyway).

Today, let’s work on:

Step 27: Write a love note to yourself. I know it sounds horrible and cheesy and ridiculous. I don’t really want to do it either. But. Why not write a few sentences as a reminder of how awesome and amazing we are and have the potential to be? Don’t we deserve it? Because while we want all the external validation and a gallery of cheerleaders in our corner, we may not always get that. In fact, we may not get it at all. So we need to be our own biggest fan and supporter. We need to cheer for ourselves when nobody else does. If we don’t believe in ourselves, we’ll never be able to get that arena full of fans. And there’s no better way to start than by telling ourselves why we’re incredible.

Step 28: Buy something you love. I know my frugal friends will have a hard time with this one. And it’s not that I advocate frivolous and outrageous spending. I think if you’re consistently participating in “retail therapy” (a term a loathe, by the way), then maybe you need to examine some elements of your life very carefully. However, I see nothing wrong with spending money on something you love, can afford, will use, and are mindful of buying. It can make a huge difference, particularly if it turns a bad habit into a good one. Building good habits is a surefire way to increase your happiness in the long run because sometimes, the only thing you’ll have to ward off a bad day or week are those good habits. So, today, go ahead and spend some money on an item, any item, that will make you feel good today and a few months from now.

Step 29: Let go of perfection. Of all the steps I’ve listed this month, this one is the most difficult for me. I am extremely hard on myself, set impossible standards, and create unrealistic time frames because, for some reason, I expect myself to be perfect at everything out of the gate. I give myself approximately zero learning curve. I demand perfection immediately and when I can’t achieve it, it sends me into a shame spiral. I sometimes get so lost in wanting the perfect outcome that I lose sight of what’s really important, which is that I’m actually learning or trying to something new or working on getting better at a skill or the fact that I even made the leap to start.

Perfection doesn’t exist. Anything that looks perfect is either fictional, carefully staged, or Photoshopped. So when we’re trying to be perfect, we’re trying for something fake. We’re not being real with ourselves or anyone around us and that can make us feel like absolute crap. Putting on airs is exhausting. Waiting for the perfect time to invite the neighbors over or starting that book project or searching for a better job is merely an avoidance tactic. Trying to be perfect is paralyzing, stifling, and really just a big waste of time.

So, today, let go of perfection. Don’t worry about how messy or ugly or chaotic something is. Enjoy where you are in the process. Share what you’re working on, even if you’re in the middle of it and maybe it makes no sense. Try something new, even if you think you might be terrible at it. Invite a friend over to your dirty house. Set realistic goals for yourself and give yourself time to achieve them. Realize that although something or someone may seem perfect, the truth is that it’s not.

Because perfection is fiction.

Repeat that phrase as much as you need to.