31 Steps for Feeling Happier, Steps 12-14: Catching up

One of the main points of this 31 day challenge is to write about the same topic every day for 31 days. I really planned to sit down and write a blog post each day for 31 consecutive days rather than 3 times per week. When I originally committed to the challenge, I told myself I would do exactly that–write every day without scheduling any posts in advance (except for the few days I’m out of town. That was planned WAY before I decided to participate in the 31 days challenge). Because I don’t like cheating. And I wanted to play by the rules.

However.

I forgot that sometimes Iife gets in the way of even the most carefully laid out plans. For instance, on Saturday, which was step 12 of the challenge, I created an agenda for the day that revolved around working in the afternoon since my daughter’s cheerleading was cancelled due to rain. But, in what I think was Mother Nature being spiteful, it stopped raining and cheerleading was uncancelled as I was finishing up my morning tasks. There went my grand plans to work in the afternoon. Luckily, having to sit on the football field while she cheered came with a silver lining as day 12’s task was to go outside.

Going outside definitely turned my mood from pissy to happy not only because of the sunshine but because of how happy it makes my daughter to cheer. As a mother, it makes me happy to see her happy. Also, her squad cheers with the “big” girls and that means she gets to be a flyer (the girl you see go up in the air) during some stunts. The look of pure joy on her face when she is up there is worth every moment I’m out on that field.

Unfortunately, that happiness was short lived. Not being able to work on Saturday definitely threw a monkey wrench in my Sunday plans. Instead of having a relaxing Sunday with the family, I needed to find time to work without compromising our plans. That meant I had a limited window to complete all the tasks I needed to complete, and I had to prioritize. While I firmly believe that if you truly want to get something done, you’ll make the time for it and not make excuses, sometimes you also have to give yourself grace and say “it’s okay that I didn’t do this today. I am not a perfect person and I know that I have done the best that I can with what I have right now”.

That’s why step 13 is to give yourself grace. We need to learn to stop being so hard on ourselves, stop struggling with perfection, and stop trying to compete with people who seem to always manage to get it all done. Because I’m pretty sure that even those people fail at their to-do lists sometimes. None of us are superhuman. So ease up on yourself. Give yourself some breathing room. Forgive yourself for not “doing it all” (I loathe that phrase). Acknowledge that you are deserving of the same grace you would give someone else who cross off all her to-do list items. Say the same words to yourself that you would say to her.

You deserve it, too.

Now, speaking of helping other people, today’s task is to volunteer. I know that this seems like one more thing to do and it is. But the happiness benefits of finding time to volunteer are worth carving out some time in your busy schedule. There is something about giving a few hours of your day to improve someone else’s life that makes a person feel good (especially if you know your service is appreciated. I have volunteer horror stories and although I no longer volunteer at those places, I still do give my time to people I know that are glad to have me). And it’s fine to feel good about what you do. I agree with Joey from Friends when he told Phoebe that there are no selfless good deeds. There is nothing wrong with taking pleasure in helping; if you are going to give of yourself, there’s no reason you can’t expect something in return.

A couple of points about this task:

1. It does not have to happen today. In fact, I’d be pretty surprised if you could make it happen today. Instead, spend some time today doing research on places you can volunteer, contact the organization to find out when they need help, and balance that with your calendar.
2. You do not have to commit to anything in the long run. For instance, if you are a parent and your kid has a field trip coming up, volunteer to chaperone. If your work is putting together a team for a walkathon, join the team (or make a second one). Participating in a one-off event still counts.
3. If you really cannot find the time to volunteer, consider making a donation to an organization that is important to you. You’ll still get the happiness effects that go along with helping without sacrificing time.

(As a little plug for myself, if you want to volunteer your time but don’t know where to go, I happen to run a blogger mentoring program and we are always looking for volunteer mentors. It’s a one hour per week commitment in 4 week increments. We’d love to have you!)

We’re all caught up now and can get back on track. That feels good, doesn’t it?