31 Steps for Feeling Happier, Step 30: Ask for help

I have control issues.

I like to be able to do everything myself, my way, and on my schedule. I am exceptionally picky quirky and when a task isn’t completed to my liking, even if it’s done, I will redo it. So it’s just easier for me to have a gigantic, impossible to finish to-do list and have minor anxiety attacks every single day over the volume of tasks I need to complete.

Fine. They’re major anxiety attacks.

But I can’t let it go. I have an overwhelming need to maintain control over all the situations. And asking for help is something that does not come naturally to me. In my head, if I ask for helps I’m a) admitting weakness and b) bothering my friends and family. Which I hate to do. I cannot stand feeling like I’m bothering someone, asking for their assistance to finish or work on something I should very easily be able to handle myself.

Except I can’t handle everything myself. Sometimes I need to get out of my own head and get fresh perspectives. Sometimes I just can’t run all the errands, clean the whole house, and work in the time frame I’m given. Sometimes Google can’t give me the answer I need. And usually it’s impossible to be in two places at once.

Cloning isn’t an option because let’s be honest, one of me is enough.

So, every so often, I’m forced to do the unthinkable. I have to admit that I can’t do something, swallow my pride, and ask for help. And while I hate it in the moment, and I get angry at myself for not being able handle my shit, once it’s over, I feel better. I feel relieved that. I feel happy that I not only did something that makes me hugely uncomfortable, but it’s a great feeling to know that I can focus instead of stressing. 

It’s also a great feeling to know that I have people in my life willing to help me when I need it, whether it’s watching my daughter or running an errand for me or giving a crafting tip or even helping with set up/clean up/last minute mentoring at my FinCon13 Bloggers Helping Bloggers event (Eric, Athena, and Kathleen deserve high praise for this one). And most of the time, they answer my request for assistance because they know that I’d do the same.

Because I know that I’m not alone. Asking for help is difficult for most people. So when someone does come to me for assistance, I know how hard it is to do. I know that when you finally gather the nerve to ask, you feel dejected when that person says no. I hate that feeling and I know how much is stings. And I don’t want to make anyone feel that way (well, within reason. There are just some things I either cannot physically do or am not morally willing to do).

Most importantly, it’s crucial to understand that asking for help does not make you weak. It does not make you a failure. In fact, it’s just the opposite. When you ask for help, it proves that you are strong. It demonstrates that you know your limits. It shows that you aren’t afraid to reach out.

And that’s good.

Which is why today’s task is to do just that: ask for help. I’m sure there’s something you need to do that you can’t without someone else’s assistance. It can be something as small as asking friends to share a blog post on social media or give a recipe for you to use at a party or asking your husband to bring home clementines so you can put together a treat for your daughter’s Halloween party at school tomorrow (not that I have done this because there’s no way I would ever do something at the last minute).

And if you really have a hard time asking for help, I’ll put it out there–is there something (within reason) that I can help you with today?

Note: while this post deals mainly with small, mundane issues, I need to emphasize that it’s even more important to reach out for help if you’re in the middle of a depression, depressive episode or any other mental health crisis. Seek professional help, talk to a friend, see a doctor. Don’t isolate yourself. There are people who care about you and want to help you.