31 Steps for Feeling Happier, Step 21: Give a compliment (and accept one, too)

How’d the last 6 days go for you? Did you complete all the steps? I think I did but in my sleep-deprived, booze fueled, hanging out with friends, attempting to learn stuff haze, I’m not entirely certain. I do know that I had a great time and my head is bursting with ideas for both this site and my mentoring program.

And I’m not hung over anymore, which is a bonus. A very necessary, welcomed bonus. I’m getting way too old for hangovers.

But that’s enough about the conference. And my drinking habits. Let’s get back down to business.

I’m pretty open about the fact that I have low self-esteem. I’m really open about the fact that I battle depression. I’m fairly certain I’ve also mentioned the fact that I have tremendous difficulty accepting compliments. When I do receive one, I have a hard time believing that it’s genuine. To me, there’s always an alternative reason why someone would say kind words or offer a compliment; it’s

However, this past weekend skewed my view a bit. I lost count of how many times people who had no reason to lie or stood to gain nothing by being complimentary made incredibly nice comments to me. Repeatedly. And

After awhile, you start to believe it. Something starts to click, and you start thinking “hey. Wait a second. 8 different people have made the same statement to me in a matter of 24 hours. Maybe all of those horrible things I’ve been telling myself aren’t entirely true”. It might be a fleeting thought but it’s there.

It’s a great feeling, actually. Because often, when you think like I do, it’s hard to break the cycle of negative thinking. You spend so much time stuck in the quicksand of self-doubt, self-hatred, and self-deprecating behavior that you can’t get out without help. And that’s what those repetitive nice words do. They offer assistance to pull you out. They show you there’s another way to think.

As long as you do two things: 1) accept the compliment and 2) believe the words. Because it’s one thing to say “thank you”. It’s another thing to say thank you and believe what’s been said.

That’s the part that I struggle with the most.

Which is why today’s task is actually two-fold. Today, we’re going to give a compliment and we’re going to accept a compliment, too. We’re going to realize the power that words can have over the way we think about ourselves and the power our words can have over the way others think about themselves. We’re going to harness that power for good instead of bad. We’re going to lift others (and ourselves) up, even if momentarily. We’re going to realize that sometimes, people need to hear that what they think are their worst qualities might actually be their best.

If you really struggle with finding the right words to say in a face to face situation, you can always leave a nice comment on a blog or Facebook page or Twitter or send a text. It’s not necessarily as impactful but it does work. So go ahead and do it.

As far as accepting a compliment, when someone does give you one, put aside all the noise and chatter in your head (the noise in my head is akin to that of a drunken bar crowd. So I get it), find a quiet space, and let it in. Stop questioning motive. Accept the words for what they are. Keep them with you for those days it gets really dark.

And in case no one pays you a compliment in person, here’s one from me: thank you for taking the time to read my dusty little corner of the internet. I know you have limited time in your day and it’s very sweet of you to use some of it here. I think you’re fabulous.