We’re going to talk about this today:
In case you can’t read it, the sign says “She Called U Daddy for 18 years Now its…Our Turn”
A few things. 1) I don’t know if this is from this past weekend, which was freshmen move-in weekend at the University of Delaware, or if it’s old; 2) I will not assume it was hung at a fraternity house because not all fraternity boys are sexist cretins and not all non-Greeks are respectful gentlemen; 3) I can’t believe we’re having to talk about this again.
But regardless, here we go because in light of what happened at Old Dominion University last week, it still makes sense to discuss.
Gentlemen (and I’m going to call you gentlemen because I’m hoping that at your core, that’s really what you are despite this offensive display) who wrote this banner, I really would like to know what you were thinking when you did it. I mean, I get it. You thought it was funny. Why wouldn’t you? Treating women like objects and putting down their equal status on a college campus is hilarious! Especially when you mention that you want them to call you daddy! Because, you know, that’s not weird or creepy and totally doesn’t infantilize the women you are hoping to have sex with.
I enjoyed a hearty chuckle.
And, while we’re discussing that, if you want them to call you daddy does that mean you will, in fact, act like it as well? Because I’m sure that a number of parents would be willing to hand over the financial responsibilities of parenting to you since that’s typically a part of being called “daddy” and let’s face it, college is expensive. Parents need all the help they can get at this point and if you’re willing, well, then, maybe we should talk.
One more daddy thing. The way the banner reads, it sounds like you’d like to call her father “daddy”. You should really rethink your phrasing next time. It’ll make more sense. Still won’t be less offensive. But it’ll make more sense.
Also, can we talk about the grammar on the banner? Horrid. Gentlemen, you’re in college now. You should know how to use proper capitalization and punctuation and the correct form of “its” vs. “it’s” and holy hell, stop the ellipsis abuse. Just stop it right now. If you need help, please visit the Writing Center. It used to be near Memorial Hall but if it’s moved, I’m sure someone can point you in the correct direction. And if you’re too embarrassed to use the Writing Center, here’s a comic from the Oatmeal. He’s very smart.
Sarcasm, grammar policing, and assorted other snark aside what I truly want to know is this–what were your goals in hanging this banner?
Honestly. What did you want to accomplish? Did you succeed?
Was the point to make people laugh? Well, you probably did.
Was the point to entice all the freshmen girls to come visit your house because it looks like a place where they’d be safe and not at all harassed? Well, maybe a few were and I should probably have a chat with those girls.
Was the point to uphold the morals and values that your parents taught you? I’d say probably not. It seems like you forgot about those.
Was the point to enrage the scores of parents and families that drove by your house? Possibly. And I’m sure you did.
Make thousands of people say “what the fuck”? Not sure if that was an intended goal but I’m confident you succeeded in that, too.
Maybe on the surface what you did was funny. But the implication behind it was so much more and to use language from a close friend of mine (who I met freshman year at UD, by the way), why do we have to keep talking about this? In a year when a student at Columbia University carries around a mattress in protest of the university’s handling of her rape, in a year where Missoula is published, why are signs like this still popping up on college campuses? Are the words not reaching their intended audience? And if they’re not, how do we get it to them? And once we get it to them, how do we make them sink in?
I don’t have any answers but I’m definitely willing to help work on some. Because when I drop my daughter off at college in 10 years, this should be something we talk about in sentences that start with “remember when”.
This behavior is nauseating. Teach your children well is so important. Girls and women still get this kind of treatment because of attitudes they learn at home and from the media. Both of my boys are very kind and considerate men. Between me and their sister, we would accept nothing else, but they are that way on their own. Golden rule always applies.
Good post.
Love, Steph’s momma.
No. Between you and Steph, there’s no way your sons would ever think like this or act like this.
How did these guys get into college is my question? Not only is their sign disgusting but they have living room furniture on their lawn. Where I notice they are also drinking beer and playing corn hole, I feel like I just drove through my hometown in North Carolina.
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I’m not put off by the drinking and the corn hole and the furniture because it’s pretty common, even when I went there (and across many college campuses). The banner, though. That’s the problem.
It’s so sad that the world has come to this… ugh.
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It’s appalling.
hilarious response. I love how you said, ok because they are now the “daddy” they should be helping with finances for their “child.” 🙂 Man, “boys” can be stupid.
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It wasn’t intended to be fully hilarious but a little humor never hurts. And using humor makes this absolutely disgusting thing easier to manage.
Seriously, though, if they want to be “daddy” shouldn’t they absorb all that goes with it?
This is disgusting. Boys will be boys, right? I’m just picturing my poor father dropping me off at college in 2000 (#old) and seeing that. I’m getting really sick of seeing this juvenile and disrespectful behavior towards women and it NEEDS to end. Also, to add insult to injury there’s the whole grammatical aspect of the thing. IF YOU’RE GONNA BE A DOUCHE AT LEAST USE ENGLISH PROPERLY. #ugh
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Exactly. Insults are easier to take when they’re done with correct grammar.
I can’t even imagine what my dad would have said if he’d seen that and I know how my husband would react if he did. None of it is good.
Also, I graduated college in 1999 so I’m super old.
I have heard several people say boys will be boys and my thought was, yeah that is the problem, isn’t it? That something like this is just “normal” boy behavior that is written off as such and not even thought about the implications behind it or what message it might be sending to girls arriving at college. If they are going to do shit like this, they should at least have an editor.
Nadine recently posted…Confessions
YES! That’s the problem, treating it with the “boys will be boys” platitude. Why? Why does THIS have to be normal boy behavior?
love this post Jana. seriously though, this is laughable and disgusting.
not gonna lie, sometimes it’s vs its trips me up but I wouldn’t put it on a damn sign, advertising my stupidity. also i laughed at them wanting to call the father daddy. definitely how it reads!
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I’m so glad someone else reads it that way. I think that’s how I’m able to handle the situation with humor. Because it’s so ridiculous, all the grammar error and what they’re saying.
I really don’t understand WHY we are still talking about this. I know it’s a thing for upperclassmen to sit out on the lawn and drink beer and watch freshman move in. The signs are not freaking necessary.
I wish all alumni who think this is a disgrace would stop contributing to colleges until they make equality and domestic and sexual violence issues a priority. But unfortunately there are a lot of people out there who have no problem with this.
I’m embarrassed by these sign makers.
SMD @ Life According to Steph recently posted…Tough love luxury luggage
Right. The ogling is creepy enough. There’s no need to throw a banner into the mix.
I agree with you. As an alumnae, it infuriates me that it’s happening in “my house”. I don’t remember anything like this being around when we attended but I do remember how the university handled some pretty high profile rape cases and it was pretty strict and severe. What the hell has happened?
If my very quiet and mild-mannered father had seen something like this when he dropped me off at college 14 years ago (geez, I’m old), I may have seen a side of him I’d never seen before. He would have been LIVID and it took a lot to rile him up. This is gross.
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I honestly don’t know how my dad would have reacted but I’m sure it would have been along the lines of “what the f”? And now, as a parent, I know how my husband would react.
Drop the mic. Bravo. Well said, but FFS, why did it have to be said? AGAIN.
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I think we’re going to have keep talking about it until it stops. Unfortunately.
If my husband saw something like this when dropping off Natalie, he’d flip out. Seriously. I don’t understand why college boys found this appropriate. Ick.
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My husband would lose his shit and quickly tell the child to stay away from that house.
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
I don’t understand any guy wanting me to call him daddy. I know that it wasn’t really about that. But it just creeps me out to know that some people do this in the bedroom.
Young guys, especially in groups, tend to become disgusting and/or vicious. (I always think of the scene in True Blood when Bill explains that vampires in a nest get increasingly nasty and violent.) So you have to take everything with a grain of salt. And then try to stay your slapping hand.
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I’ve never seen True Blood so I’m not sure who you’re referring to but it’s a completely valid point/example/metaphor/whatever. Because that’s EXACTLY what happens.
I can’t tell you how much this enrages me. I am so sick of seeing it and the straight truth is that we have failed them. Failed them in teaching them that that sort of behavior is unacceptable, failed them in giving them a trophy when all they did was participate giving them a sense of entitlement. Failed them when we did slap them across the back of the head when being pure a-holes.
I hope a loud enough message is coming so this is no longer tolerated by any school across the country.
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I don’t know that giving them a trophy for no reason is a cause of this behavior but I certainly agree that not teaching them how to behave properly is a problem. Then again, I’d like to give the parents credit that they did teach their sons not to behave this way and they did it anyway because they think, wrongly, that it’s funny.
I may be sharing too much information with my response, but here I go… (I abuse the hell out of the ellipsis.)
I’m 42. I’ve had a lot of sex. I’ve done some “interesting” things during sex. Not once, not ever have I called anyone “daddy” while having sex. I don’t get it. Not one bit.
Excellent post, my friend.
Erin of TexErin-in-SydneyLand recently posted…Thursday Thoughts vol. 2
Me too and me neither. I truly don’t understand why you’d want to be called that in the bedroom of all places.
The “gentlemen” in the title here actually made me chuckle. And honestly, anyone can get into college these days. So grammar-wise, I’m not expecting much from 18 year olds who will be spending the coming months consuming Natty Light.
The older I get, the more I realize how low the bar has actually been set for decency and behavior of the teenage crowd.
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The “gentlemen” was intended to be a little patronizing so I’m glad it made you laugh.
I feel like we should expect more from them and the fact that we don’t, in general, is part of the problem.
Disgusting. Trashy. Not funny. Your hope for your daughter is also one I hope for mine. I also hope that I teach my son to respect women.
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I think with you as his mom and from the way you describe how your husband treats you, your son will be just fine and not do something this piggish.
I love this post, though I hate that this is still a thing.
And the “Daddy” thing? It’s just really fucking gross. I’m no prude when it comes to sex, but I would be incredibly creeped out if my husband suddenly asked me to start calling him that. Just no.
I have to admit, though, I’m guilty of ellipsis abuse.
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I feel like as a college student, I would have considered this funny, but now that I’m older with some life experience and some sensitivities I didn’t use to have, this is poor taste.
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