Jana Says

Living life from cover to cover

#thingsicantdo

I might have done a post like this before but I can’t remember so I’m doing it again and maybe one day I’ll go back through all my posts and delete duplicates because I really need to clean up this little blog space of mine. 

And now, for your reading pleasure, here’s a list of things I can’t do:

Whistle. Also, the sound of whistling makes me crazy. #auralassault #itmightbejealousy

Snap my fingers. It’s even more embarrassing when I meet a child who can and shows me up. #noonelikesashowoff

Drink wine. I could at one point. Then there was an incident. It involved a Home Depot bucket, barfing on my neighbor’s lawn (sorry, Dave and Krista), and passing out in a bar’s bathroom. #didnthappeninmytwenties 

Cook a pie from scratch. And I have tried. The expression “easy as pie”? All lies. #storeboughtisfinesometimes

Understand more than 6 consecutive words in any Beastie Boys song released after 1990. I usually don’t have a problem understanding song lyrics. Their songs mystify me. #butisingalonganyway

Fall asleep without reading at least 10 pages of a book. My day doesn’t feel complete unless I’ve read at least a few pages and not reading makes it even more difficult to sleep. #readingisfundamental 

Go a day without quoting a movie. #itsaproblem

Do a smoky eye, curl my hair properly, or use bronzer. This is why I look pale and tragic, my hair is always a mess, and I have worn my eye shadow the same way since roughly 1992. #butthebigbangsaregone

Use modern day slang and sound acceptable when I do it. #toooldtocare

Reach things in high places. #shortpeopleproblems

Run or jump. #bigboobproblems

Not get excited about my birthday. It’s next Friday and I’m already planning all the free things I’m going to get. #freeforthewin

Now that you know some of my limitations, tell me some of yours. What can’t you do?

 

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Linking up for #hashtaghumpday 

#Hashtaghumpday @ Life with Lolo

41 Comments

  1. Kateri Von Steal

    Hahahaha – Beastie Boys – YES!!!!

    And – I swear, I try so hard to learn how to style my hair, and it just always falls flat – LITERALLY.
    Kateri Von Steal recently posted…Hashtags – Confessions – Funnies (5/27/15)My Profile

    Reply
    1. Jana (Post author)

      My hair cannot hold curls at all. It’s so thick and heavy, it doesn’t stand a chance.

      Reply
  2. kay ~ lifestylevoices.com

    That was priceless! It’s nice to know there are others out there with similar issues to mine. Thank you! 🙂
    kay ~ lifestylevoices.com recently posted…Do You Follow All Of Your Followers?My Profile

    Reply
  3. Christina

    I love this list and relate to so many things on it! Like eye shadow and curling my hair. I suck at both. I also can’t jump because of the same issue as you ;). I can’t make a pie and it’s my husband’s favorite dessert. I’ve tried about ten times. It’s store bought from here on out.
    Christina recently posted…’90s DrinksMy Profile

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    1. Jana (Post author)

      There is nothing wrong with store bought! I can make the filling but it’s premade crusts for me.

      My hair is an outrageous curly mess naturally but sometimes I like to straighten it and then do nice looking curls. I really should just leave it as a mess.

      Reply
  4. Kristen

    haha love this! i can’t whistle either, and it annoys me so much when people do, it’s such an annoying sound. it’s like singing aloud, and if you wouldn’t sing out loud in an office, you shouldn’t whistle either (not that i have a coworker that does this ALL DAY or anything).
    i can reach all the high things. #tallpeopleproblems.
    Kristen recently posted…(practice) packing for Europe: 25 items = 50+ outfitsMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Jana (Post author)

      Out loud whistling in public makes me nuts. NUTS.

      Thankfully my husband is tall so he can get all the high things. My daughter is tall, too. She is amused that one day she will be taller than me.

      Reply
  5. Kati Rose

    I sat here attempting to whistle and snap while reading this. The looks I got at the cafe (oops) that being said I can’t do either. I thought I could but I must’ve been lying to myself or it’s a selective talent.
    Kati Rose recently posted…A Different Kind of Danger in the DaylightMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Jana (Post author)

      HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That is spectacular!

      Reply
  6. Linda Sheridan

    Fun read and thought provoking, too! I avoid pies like the plague because the crust is so calorie laden. I have known calorie counts since I was around 10. I was not a skinny child. That justifies never making a pie, in my book! I do not run or jump, either for the same reason- unless my life depends on it.
    I think I have more things I won’t do than can’t do that I should do!!
    Stay cool! Love, SMD’s Momma

    Reply
    1. Jana (Post author)

      I have a whole list of things I won’t do, too!

      Reply
  7. Tonya@Budget and the Beach

    It’s funny because I can whistle sometimes, but sometimes I can’t. Weird. I can’t hum all the time either because my sinuses vibrate too much or something. It gives me the chills. I can’t climb a rope. I remember being scarred as a child because most of the kids in gym class could. I thought maybe it was just because I was an un-athletic child, so I tried climbing the rope at my gym. Nope, still can’t do it. WTF? It’s seriously a goal of mine. I can also only do a cartwheel putting my left hand down first, but not the right hand. And I am so bad at math it’s not funny. Actually, it’s quite embarrassing. And my spelling has gone to shit with spellcheck.
    Tonya@Budget and the Beach recently posted…Living an Exceptional LifeMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Jana (Post author)

      I can’t climb a robe or do the monkey bars. Never could. My upper arm strength is nonexistent.

      I did a cartwheel last year to show Erica. I was dizzy and had to sit down for like an hour afterwards. I’m too old for that shit.

      Reply
  8. alyssa

    Actually cracking up over “pale and tragic” hahaha. I can’t whistle either! I also can’t not get irritated with someone who learns this about me and then goes, “It’s easy just go like this” and tries to show me how easy it is to whistle. Listen, I didn’t say I don’t know the mechanism or arrangement of lips that makes a whistle. My mouth just doesn’t do it. Step off.

    Reply
    1. Jana (Post author)

      RIGHT?! Like we’re dumbasses who can’t figure out what to do. No, I get it. My mouth just doesn’t work that way.

      Reply
  9. kathy @ real talk

    i dont own one palette of eye shadow or eye shadow brush! ain’t nobody got time for eyeshadow either!

    Reply
    1. Jana (Post author)

      HAHAHA! I have a big fat eye crayon I use most days now. But I’ll bust out a palette once and while. Which I own because I like that the colors are coordinated for you. I cannot coordinate makeup colors.

      Reply
  10. SMD @ Life According to Steph

    Freeeee birthday shit!

    I can’t whistle either. MFD is a whistling fool. Like he constantly whistles.

    Luckily your eye makeup is good. I’ve been wearing mind the same way for like 15 years and it’s not that good. LOLOL

    I have a hard time with wine. I can have a glass. That’s it. I’m better off with beer.
    SMD @ Life According to Steph recently posted…May RecommendationsMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Jana (Post author)

      Scott knows better than to whistle in my presence. I won’t punch strangers but my husband is fair game.

      I am much better off with beer. Wine is a disaster.

      Reply
  11. Teh Megan

    I can whistle, but I hate when people do it unless you are calling a dog to come to you. FUCKING LOATHE IT. no one is that happy, stfu. ARGH!
    I can’t even line the top of my eyelid with eye liner. I’m forever that girl who only has the bottom one lined.
    #boobproblems #thestruggleisreal
    I often quote Disney movies. It’s a thing.
    Teh Megan recently posted…Confessions {5/27}My Profile

    Reply
    1. Jana (Post author)

      When I’m in a store or public in general and someone is whistling, I have to restrain myself from punching them in the face.

      Reply
  12. Ali A

    I can’t grill chicken on the stove top. It’s just something I’m not capable of. It burns on the outside and is bright pink on the inside. Actually, let me broaden this a bit…I CAN’T COOK.
    Ali A recently posted…Featured on…xoJane!My Profile

    Reply
    1. Jana (Post author)

      Are you supposed to be able to grill chicken on a stove top? I know you can cook it but isn’t grilling for the barbecue? Am I missing something? Is there a new way of cooking I don’t know about??

      Reply
      1. Ali A

        Well, Jana, that’s probably why I cant do it. :::embarrassed:::
        Ali A recently posted…Featured on…xoJane!My Profile

        Reply
        1. Jana (Post author)

          LOLOLOLOL. #noshame, my friend. #noshame

          Reply
  13. Kasey

    I also can’t stop reading a book until I get to the end of the chapter. Drives me BONKERS if someone interrupts me before I get to the end of the book or at least the chapter….. also. I read that as “fall asleep without reading the last 10 pages” apparently I just can’t read..
    Kasey recently posted…Hashtag WinesdayMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Jana (Post author)

      I hate being interrupted in the middle of reading. A book is an automatic “do not disturb” sign.

      Reply
  14. Nadine

    I haven’t attempted to make a pie from scratch yet, it is terrifying to me for some reason?! And ummmm I so cant do my hair. I am a mess every day because I have two styles….flat and straight or pony tail. Sigh. Why does adulting have to be so hard sometimes?

    I can’t tie properly. I learned the bunny ears method when I started kindergarten after many failed attempts of the over under around the tree bullshit that never quite stuck with me. Anyone who knew me as a young child watches in awe as I tie my shoes like a five year old. No shame.
    Nadine recently posted…ConfessionsMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Jana (Post author)

      BUNNY EARS!!! I totally meant to put that in my post but forgot. I can only tie my shoes with bunny ears. The other way is way too hard.

      Reply
  15. Amber

    I am also short, so I cannot reach things in high places either.

    I also can’t do a cartwheel.
    Amber recently posted…Hey, It’s Okay Tuesday!My Profile

    Reply
    1. Jana (Post author)

      I can but it’s better that I don’t. Not even in water.

      Reply
  16. Stephanie

    hahaha I was going to comment on something but then I got to #bigboobproblems and I can’t stop laughing and agreeing.
    Stephanie recently posted…Confessing More Unpopular OpinionsMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Jana (Post author)

      The struggle is real.

      Reply
  17. Lindsay

    “This is why I look pale and tragic” lmao!!

    I can’t whistle worth a shit either, I’ll make your ears bleed. 😀

    Xo
    Lindsay recently posted…This week is FLYING by… #letsbefriends blog hopMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Jana (Post author)

      I can’t even make sounds when I try. I used to care but now, not so much.

      Reply
      1. Lindsay

        Lol
        Lindsay recently posted…This week is FLYING by… #letsbefriends blog hopMy Profile

        Reply
  18. Kerry

    I am the same way with reading I have to read before bed or I have a hard time falling asleep. I totally think in movie quotes and send movie memes to my friends when they apply to the conversation. Can’t help it!
    Kerry recently posted…Once Pure | Book Tour | ReviewMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Jana (Post author)

      I think and speak in movie quotes. It’s a sickness.

      Reply
  19. Jaina

    In the unable to whistle club too. Or curl my tongue or roll my R’s. None of that. Feel like that exists on a chromosome I just don’t have.

    Tried the whole curling hair and smoky eyeshadow once – total hot mess. Well, scratch the hot. Just mess. Sounds like my hair’s like yours – thick and heavy. The curl unravels itself within seconds. Just stick to the natural wavy-mess that it is!
    Jaina recently posted…Film Review: NightcrawlerMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Jana (Post author)

      Yes! Definite mess over here, too!

      I can curl my tongue. Can’t roll my r’s. Good thing I never have a need to!

      Reply
  20. Jaina

    The rolling r’s thing caught me out in Spanish class at school – I just couldn’t do it!
    Jaina recently posted…Film Review: NightcrawlerMy Profile

    Reply

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