Jana Says

Living life from cover to cover

Tag Archive: random

It’s my birthday and I’ll philosophize if I want to

I KNOW! A Monday post from me! But it’s my birthday and I do what I want. 

So, a few weeks ago, someone found my site by searching for “don’t give a fuck anymore”. I hope they meant it in a good way, like the Sarah Knight Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck way and not in a mental health depression way because that makes me concerned and I hope they’re okay, but either way, this is clearly a topic that’s near and dear to my heart. I know I’ve written about things I don’t care about before (you can read a couple of my favorites here and here and here) but in honor of my 40th birthday, here’s yet another incomplete list of things that I’ve learned are completely unimportant and a list of things that are and they’re in no particular order or even separate lists or because that’s how my mind works now. 

  • How much money you make. I’ve met rich people who are stingy assholes and poor people who would give you their last and only sandwich. It’s not about how much money you have. It’s about what you do with it and how you treat people. 
  • Speaking of money, if it’s not my budget, it’s not my business. I give zero fucks about how other people choose to spend their money and you will get zero judgment from me if you make a choice I wouldn’t. I might not understand your choice or make that one for myself but I don’t have to live with your wallet. 
  • Your religion. Okay, that sounds wrong. But what I mean is that I don’t care who or what you worship, or if you worship at all, because it genuinely doesn’t matter to me. We can be friends regardless as long as you’re not harming anyone or leading a cult. 
  • What you feed your kids (if you have them). Are they fed? Good. 
  • Speaking of kids, it’s unimportant to me how many you have or if you have them at all. I love my non-parent friends as much as my parent friends and I also believe that having kids doesn’t make you superior to anyone and that having 5 kids doesn’t make you superior to those with 1. It’s not a fucking contest. It does take a village so let’s all work together to raise a generation of caring, compassionate, driven, helpful, decent people. 
  • Comparing myself, my situation, my progress, my kid, my anything to anyone else. I do me. You do you. There’s room for all of us to succeed and be happy. I’ve said it before and it bears repeating: success is not a finite resource. It’s not cake. 
  • Take risks. Or don’t. It’s up to you and what you feel comfortable with and I don’t care one way or the other. I just want you to be happy with your choices and if you want to do something that scares you, I’ll be there to support you. I will encourage but never pressure and if staying in your comfort bubble makes you happy, then I’ll support that, too. 
  • One more thing about kids and this one is preachy rather than an important vs. unimportant musing. If you choose to have them, remember that they are not there to fix your past mistakes or live your missed opportunities. They are their own people with their own minds and interests and gifts and talents. Your kids’ accomplishments are your kids’ accomplishments. They are not yours. Be proud of them, encourage them, and provide options and opportunities as time and money allow for it. But let them make their own choices. 
  • Social status, or perceived social status, is an absolute load of shit. We don’t live in a caste system, no one is better than anyone, and how you treat animals, service and retail workers, and the elderly will tell me more about you than anything else.  
  • Other’s opinions of you, at the end of the day, don’t matter. It means nothing to me if someone thinks I’m fat or lazy or the grammar police or a terrible mother or a good mother or funny or anything else. I have to look in the mirror at the end of the day and be okay with myself and how I lived that day. 

For more of what I believe, you can also read my 14 Commandments, life lessons from my grandfather, and 38 pearls of wisdom (I wrote that on my 38th birthday). 

Let me be clear that my beliefs, my thoughts, and my opinions are fluid and when I turn 50, they might change. Most likely not but I’m open minded and I’m willing to see what the next 10 years have in store. 

And now that my brain is exhausted from all this deep stuff, I will eat carrot cake and take a nap because that’s how you celebrate your birthday when you’re 40.

I am tired

I wish I had more to say about everything that’s happened in the two weeks since I last posted but at this point, I’m out of words. I’m broken up over Chris Cornell (and let it be known that we should not be concerned with mental health issues in the wake of a celebrity suicide. We need to be concerned EVERY SINGLE DAY because suicide is real and tragic and hopefully, one day, completely preventable), I’m broken over the bombing in Manchester, I’m angry and frustrated that nothing, NOTHING, seems to affect 45’s administration, and I’m to the point that constant vigilance has left me exhausted

Of hatred

Of bombings and senseless murders

Of ignorance

Of injustice

Of rhetoric

Of lies

Of party lines

Of discrimination

Of empty promises

Of bullying

Of pettiness

Of nonsensical bullshit.

But yet, despite all of that, I am hopeful.

That common sense will prevail

That unity will happen

That discrimination will end

That compassion and love will win.

And that’s all I’ve got today. 

 

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My spring break: The good, the bad, the mundane

So my spring break turned into a 2 week break. I almost made it a third but you know. I missed it around here. 

I have a couple of pretty heavy content posts planned over the next couple of weeks (but don’t forget Show Us Your Books next Tuesday, May 10!) so I figured that for now, we’ll recap what happened over my break (hint: nothing too exciting). 

The Good

  • Went to the dentist and had no cavities! 
  • I can do push-ups on my toes now
  • I’ve gone down a full pants size
  • My little sister got engaged!
  • Got a free trial of Hulu for The Handmaid’s Tale and discovered that season 1 of Fargo is on there, too #win
  • Celebrated my 13th wedding anniversary
  • Won an Amazon dot and an Amazon gift card

The Bad

  • The sushi making class the husband and I were supposed to take for our anniversary was canceled
  • Finished none of the projects I’d planned to
  • My depression is kicking my ass (more about that on Thursday)

The Rest

  • Read 5 books, put some on hold but still managing to keep the library list under control
  • Watched the newest season of Bosch in its entirety. In one day #beastmode
  • Finally bought the child a new bed
  • Ate my body weight in M&Ms #vitaminM
  • Learned the hard way not to wear my Converse with no socks on a 3 mile walk (why a 3 mile walk? See above about the M&Ms)
  • Possibly adopting a third dog. Long story short, my neighbors have a dog they take shitty care of, asked us if we would take him, we said yes but they had to split the cost of neutering, they disappeared, we mourned not getting him and moved on, they reappeared and asked us again, and now we’re not 100% sure what to do. If I had to guess, by June we’ll have a new addition
  • T minus 11 days to the child’s cheer competition in Disney World. It’s been all cheer, all the time. Looking forward to a break from that

I think that’s the highlights. I probably missed something but most likely it’s nothing earth shattering. And rereading this list, I realize my life is incredibly boring but I think boring is necessary sometimes. 

So tell me. What’s happened with you since I’ve been gone?

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Things that make me feel put together

I’ve mentioned this before but I have been struggling hardcore lately. I know it’s the depression talking and I’m fighting it off the best I can but some days it gets the best of me and I can’t muster the energy to do anything beyond the necessities of life. And sometimes it’s hard to even do that. But I keep trying and plugging away the best I can. 

It’s on those days that I think about the things I can do to make me feel like I have my life together. I don’t believe in fake it till you make it but I guess this all falls under that. I suppose this list can work even when I’m feeling like my best self because who doesn’t want to feel like they have it all together? 

  • Dinner in the crock pot
  • Wearing a matching bra and underwear
  • Bills paid, grocery shopping done, full tank of gas, and no looming laundry mountain
  • All the DVRd shows watched
  • All the podcasts current
  • All the open tabs read and closed
  • Seeing the living room and kitchen completely clean with no stray items anywhere and everything in its place
  • Fresh manicure and pedicure, either DIY or paying someone else to do it. Polish colors don’t need to match
  • Going a day without running an errand because everyone has everything they need
  • The cat spending the whole day in the house without begging to go outside (this is more of a personal victory than feeling put together but it still counts)
  • Crossing off all the items on ye old to-do list
  • Getting everything I need at one store (unless that store is Walmart, which is the bane of my existence. I hate that fucking place. I sometimes purposefully drive to four different stores simply to avoid our local Walmart)
  • Wearing lip gloss even when I know no one else will see me

For the record, these don’t all have to be accomplished on the same day. If even one of them is done, I feel like I’m put together. 

What makes you feel like you have it all together?

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More things I wonder

I haven’t done a things I wonder post in quite awhile and although I had planned to write a post today correcting yet another asshole on the internet who is completely and utterly wrong, I decided to save that for another day and wonder out loud instead.

Because I do what I want.

  • I haven’t been to the library in like 6 weeks. Are the librarians sad? Happy? Have they noticed?
  • Why can’t the prices of drinks at Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts match the increments of the gift cards they sell? Who the fuck enjoys having 82 cards with like 9 cents on each one?
  • Why does my flexible spending company not believe that places with words like “orthodontics” and “vision academy” are medical providers? 
  • Can daylight savings time go away?
  • Am I the only one creeped out by Pinocchio?
  • Why does NetGalley take so damn long to tell you if you were approved for a book? PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW AND KNOW IMMEDIATELY.
  • Is there a way to care less about March Madness? Because if there is, I’d like to know it. I’m curious to find out just how far my indifference can go.
  • Do people actively avoid me like I avoid them? I mean, I’m sure the answer yes but I still would like to know. Maybe I don’t. Mark me as undecided on this one and forget I asked.
  • Can one own too many pairs of black yoga pants?
  • Why does my microwave heat things to boiling inedible hot or not at all? (Perhaps it’s time for a new one but I hate shopping for appliances. Are there personal shoppers for these things?)
  • I know I wrote two of these so why can’t I find the second?

How about you guys? What are some things you wonder?