Jana Says

Living life from cover to cover

Tag Archive: lists

A list of things I can’t stand including thinking of post titles

Just about two years ago, I wrote a confessions post about some pretty substantive things that make my angry. As I’m suffering from minor writer’s block/idea deficiency and also I’m already in vacation mode (we leave for Boston in less than a week!), I decided that it’d be a good idea to update that list except with really small petty things that annoy me rather than things that are major or important because that’s how I’m feeling right now. It’s also an accompaniment to this post about all my pet peeves which made me realize I should do a post about all the things I love so I don’t always come across like a curmudgeonly old man.

So, here’s a not at all complete list of things I hate (also known as major first world problems):

  • Oranges and all of its related orange-citrus brethren. 
  • Horses. Keep them away from me, please and thank you. 
  • Hangers that are all askew and face different directions. Not to mention when they’re mixed with wire hangers. 
  • Punctuation abuse. Especially on professional signs. Guess what? If you say you’re “licensed and insured”, we’re not doing business. 
  • Seeing someone in a movie or on TV and not being able to remember where I’ve seen them before. 
  • Thinking of titles for posts.
  • Typing in a password and being told it’s wrong even though I know it’s right. And while we’re on the password subject, being asked to change it every few months or so. NO, M&T Bank, I don’t want to do that. I can barely remember this one and now you want me to have a new one? 
  • Bad handwriting on feedback forms. How can I fix what’s wrong if I can’t read what you wrote? (I don’t have a problem with bad handwriting in general. Just when I need to read it). 
  • Finding a movie on HBO and coming in halfway and then wanting to record the next showing because who wants to start a movie they’ve never seen in the middle only to find out that this is the only showing. WHY YOU TEASE ME, HBO?
  • Realizing a dog who’s not my dog has shit in my yard and the lazy ass owner didn’t pick it up. It’s all fun and games until someone steps in dog shit and tracks it in the house. 
  • Speaking of dogs, why does my dog wait until I’m actually and finally comfortable to whine at me that he needs to go out even after I’ve just let him out and he chooses not to do anything except walk around and bother the cat?
  • This little piece of my car door that won’t attach to the rest of the door and flaps in the wind when I’m driving. 
  • The term “hack” as in “life hacks”, “productivity hacks”, “cooking hacks”. Can’t we change it up with “shortcuts” or something else? I also hate the terms “solopreneur” and “lady boss”. 
  • That iTunes will not let me change my user ID. Fuck you, iTunes. 
  • Bad people like the Duggars getting second chances. Look, I’m all for giving second chances but not in the manner that they’re getting. I felt the same way about Michael Vick. He did his time, paid his penance, whatever you want to call it, and he totally deserved to be given a job and all of that but not in the manner that he did. If you do something as bad or reprehensible as the Duggars or Vick, then you should not be put in a position where people use you as a role model. Yes, you can argue that they deserve adulation because they reformed but let’s be honest, have the Duggars truly reformed? Have they apologized for all the hate they’ve spewed or the hypocrisy in which they’ve conducted their lives? Have they adjusted their beliefs after seeing the damage its done to their family? No, they have not. So maybe thrusting them back into the spotlight with millions of dollars and paid vacations and all that jazz is blatantly wrong. And shame on TLC for giving it to them. And shame on me for writing about it and giving them even more attention. (You sort of knew this rant was coming, right?) But I still fucking hate them.
  • The Oregon Trail app no longer works on my iPad.
  • Being told I need to drink wine. No. I don’t like wine. I will stick with my beer.
  • Fees attached to buying concert tickets. Really, they’re expensive enough. Why do I need to pay an extra $40 billion in processing fees? And what exactly is a “processing fee”? Sounds like a scam to me. 
  • Website design. I need to design two websites as well as a complete makeover for this one and while I’m good at content, I’m terrible at design and I can’t afford to pay someone to do my designs. Awesome for me. But thankfully Fiverr exists so I can get a few things done there for cheap until I can afford something better.

Let’s end this on something I don’t hate. Another episode of The Armchair Librarians! This time we talk about finding time to read and assorted other topics because reading rabbit holes are easy to find when you’re me and Steph. A few things: one, this is one of the websites I need to design. Two, there’s a terrible echo towards the middle and end of the recording that makes it sound like Steph is in a bathroom even though to my knowledge she isn’t and I can’t edit it out so we apologize for that. Three, I finally figured out how to get this thing in iTunes so it should be there next week. Four, we have a few tweaks we’re making to the quality of the podcast so look out for those in upcoming shows (read: not this one or the next).new_logo_edit

 

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The Fourteen Commandments of Me

I totally stole borrowed this idea from Steph. At least I think it was Steph. Maybe it was Erin. I honestly cannot remember so whomever originated this idea, thank you. 

One thing I can always say about myself, even on my worst days, is that I’m confident in who I am. I know what I believe and what I stand for, and while I’m open to hearing all kinds of view points and being persuaded and encouraged to think about those differing opinions, I’m pretty unwavering in my fundamental beliefs. 

I call those the Fourteen Commandments of Me (okay, fine, if I’m being honest, I just came up with that moniker but we’ll pretend like I’ve always used it). Some of these are also similar to a list I made for my birthday last year so if they seem familiar, that’s probably why.

Here they are:

  1. I do not care what you do for a living or how much money you have or don’t have or how big or small your house is. If you’re a good, kind, and decent person, we’ll get along.
  2. Puppies, beaches, books, and naps can fix most bad days. 
  3. People’s reproductive choices are none of my business. Have 10 kids, have zero kids. Not for me to judge. Same for marriage choices. Marry who you want. It does not affect me at all. 
  4. Your budget, your business. My budget, my business.
  5. Use manners, proper grammar, and don’t be an asshole in traffic.
  6. Support your friends and family in their endeavors. And remember that success is not a limited resource. (Unless they add you a Facebook group without your permission. Then it’s fine to walk away).
  7. Always make time to read, for my family, and play with my dogs. 
  8. Go somewhere new every year.
  9. Put your phone away when paying for a purchase, at the dinner table, and when you’re driving. 
  10. Embrace your flaws as well as your strengths. 
  11. There is always room for improvement.
  12. Quality over quantity, especially when it comes to friends. Two caveats: pizza and chocolate. Lots of bad pizza or chocolate is still better than no pizza or chocolate.
  13. Never feel guilty about anything that makes you happy.
  14. Respect people’s beliefs and opinions, even if they’re different than yours. Don’t force what you believe on anyone else. Unless they want to vote for Donald Trump. Then by all means, try to convince them otherwise. 

How about you guys? What are some of the rules you live by?

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Things I’m too tired to do

And by “tired”, I really mean “too old to care, too indifferent to make the time, and too focused on other things to bother”:

  • Learn another social media. Snapchat, Anchor, Periscope…God knows what else is out there. I’m happy with my Twitter and IG and FB when I remember and honestly, even that’s too much most days.
  • Care what other people are doing with their free time. Do whatever makes you happy, I’ll do what makes me happy and we’ll all move along. 
  • Compare anything about me to anything about you. Especially our kids. Parenting should not be a competitive sport and if it is, count me out because I hate playing competitive sports. 
  • FOMO. Is that even still a thing? Because I don’t pay attention to slang. But I truly have no fear of missing out. If I miss it, I miss it. Except the Oscars the other night. I had to stay up to see if I lived in a world where Leonardo DiCaprio won an Academy Award.
  • How much you hustle, especially if you try to make me feel bad because I don’t do it enough. Hustling is exhausting. It requires a ton of energy and brain power and all that and I don’t care to spend my whole life doing it. So let me be.
  • If your kid took a shit on the toilet for the first time. #sorrynotsorry. I’m too worried about my own bathroom habits and have zero fucks left to give for your potty training toddler. I mean, I’m happy for you because diapers suck but that’s where my ability to care ends.
  • Trendy fashion. At this point in my life, I know what works for me and what doesn’t. No need to try anything new. 
  • Friend drama. If you’re causing me drama, we’re not going to be friends. 

You know what I’m not too tired or indifferent to care about? This presidential election. I’m not going to go off on a whole tangent about one particular candidate or candidates but I will say that it saddens me to see what our political system has become. That these options are the best the parties have to offer. That no one qualified and decent is stepping forward, that name recognition and money mean more than credentials, and that voters are willing to ignore major character flaws (and I mean MAJOR) and not demand better. That it’s become a student council election run on promises of less homework and more vacation time instead of who’s the most qualified and strongest person to run the most powerful country in the world. That a Supreme Court justice dies and it’s another platform plank or point of contention instead of showing respect for the highest fucking court we have (now, don’t get me wrong. Supreme Court nominations are always contentious between the parties but what’s going on with Scalia’s seat is a huge steaming pile of bullshit). That the candidates are so divisive and are driving a wedge even deeper into society rather than working to heal some very large, very open, very sore wounds. 

And then there’s this. 

When almost no one is happy with ANY of the nominees, there’s a problem. Usually you can find one and you’re like, you know what? I can live with this for the next 4 years. Republican, Democrat, Independent…doesn’t matter. It might not be the person you want (and, if you don’t vote, you don’t get to complain) but you can deal with it. But that’s not happening this time. No, for this election, it’s more of a “well, this person gets my vote because they suck the least according to my own beliefs and let’s hope they don’t fuck it up” attitude. It’s not agreeing with a candidate’s views or policies. It’s disagreeing with them the least.

It’s fine to work for a boss like that. When it’s the person running your country, though, that’s something entirely different.

 

Linking up with Kristin

Stuff, Things, etc.

 

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How am I turning into my mother? Let me count the ways.

Today’s my mom’s birthday. I don’t talk too much about my parents or siblings for various reasons but today I have a good one for breaking that general rule since today we’re going to discuss all the ways I’m actually turning into my mother. 

 To be clear, there are worse people I could turn into. My mom is a pretty great person so there’s nothing I’m necessarily ashamed of when I open my mouth and my mother comes out. It’s just fucking weird.

Let’s assess.

  • I burst into song in the middle of conversations. If I don’t do it out loud, you can bet there’s a concert going on in my head. My mom does this except  100% of the time she will sing, even if you’re still talking.
  • My mother will strike up conversations with anyone, anywhere. I do this, too.
  • You know those people who cropdust in stores? My mother is one of them. Also me now.
  • Getting teary eyed at the smallest, most mundane things. Mostly my heart and soul are black but if the right commercial or song or TV character death comes along, add instant tears.
  • When it comes to meal planning, I cook a shit ton of chicken. My mother made so much chicken when I was growing up, it prompted my father to tell her he was going to sprout feathers. I think the husband is one chicken parm away from this same comment.
  • Pregnancy brain. We’re both severely afflicted. Even if we’re not currently pregnant and, in my mom’s case, her youngest is 28.
  • A high level of yenta-ness. My mother loves town gossip and sticking her nose into other people’s business even from afar. I consider this my Jedi training and why I am amazing at clandestine viewing of the neighbors.
  • We’re both huge bookworms. I have nothing snarky to say about this because books.
  • Math. She can’t do it and neither can I. Especially when it comes to a checkbook. Why yes, 8 minus 6 does equal 3. It’s the new math.
  • I spend approximately 8 million hours complaining that laundry is my life. Guess where I learned that?  
  • And then there’s also this concern   

Happy birthday, Mom!! I’m so glad you weren’t born on a leap year because that would be confusing!

Are you guys turning into one of your parents? Is it just me?

This is why I like being an adult

*I figured that since a third grade writing assignment was the inspiration for this post, I’d title it like a third grader. Writer’s block tip: When stuck for an idea, use your child’s homework*

The Child recently had an assignment at school where she had to write a persuasive (or opinion. I can’t remember but probably opinion) essay on whether she prefers being a kid or whether she’d like to be an adult. Because she’s 9 she picked being a kid. Her main reasons? You don’t have to pay bills or run boring errands. 

She has a valid point. That stuff sucks. 

But, given the choice between being a kid or being an adult, I’m picking an adult. Every. Single. Time. Why? Simple.

As an adult, I get to do what I want, when I want. 

via GIPHY

Swearing with abandon. 

Beer.

Eating cold leftover Chinese food for breakfast. Or pizza. Or ice cream. Or Doritos. 

Doing things. Or not doing things. not doing things

My money, my choices. 

Wearing whatever I feel like (oh, and that school who’s trying to regulate what parents wear to AM dropoff? Fuck you).

Having zero tolerance for crappy people and not having to force myself to be around them.

Not giving a shit.

Having to go somewhere simply because someone tells me to.

Voting.

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A driver’s license that doesn’t require someone else to be in the car with me. Or time limits on restrictions on where I can go.

Making my own, independent decisions.

Books that don’t require a book report, analyzing symbolism, or general crappiness. Basically, reading for fun.reading and tv

Being able to understand just how awesome it is to shirk every single responsibility you have in favor of a nap and a good binge watching session.

I realize that adulting is hard. It sucks at times. Responsibilities are no fun and getting up early to go to work can suck a fat one and watching my money go to bills and cleaning the house and cooking dinner get repetitive and exhausting.

But given the choice between doing all the crappy adult stuff and living life as a kid, I’m living as an adult. 

We have beer here. 

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P.S. A whole bunch of adults contributed to this really great post with instructions on adulting. I’m one of them.