Jana Says

Living life from cover to cover

Tag Archive: confessions

Three more things

I figured that in light of Monday’s rant, I’d lighten the mood up a bit around here by once again stealing borrowing from Steph’s 3 things prompt

Here we go.


Three things I frequently forget
Where I put my phone
Where I park my car

Three errands I love to run
Library day
Concord Pet (local pet store)
CVS or any sort of drugstore 

Three errands I hate to run
Grocery shopping (because god forbid I actually get everything at once)
The hell that is Walmart
Goodwill drop off (this can also be found in “things I frequently forget.” Please note that my gym is ACROSS THE STREET from our Goodwill and yet I still don’t do it.)

Three restaurants I want to try
I legit have no answer for this. Oh, wait! The Drunk’n Baker. It’s a bakery which I’m assuming counts. Other than that, I haven’t really given much thought to restaurants. 

Three famous people I’d like to meet
Billy Joel
Kate McKinnon
Jennifer Weiner

Three famous people I’d like to avoid
Juliette Lewis
Penn Jilette
Ann Coulter

Three things I recommend
PiƱa Coladas
Getting caught in the rain
A Spotify subscription.

Three books I loved in the elementary/junior high days
The Babysitters Club. All of them. I’m not picking just one.
Sweet Valley High. See justification above.
Remember Me–Christopher Pike

Three things I always look forward to
Starting a new book

Three things I always dread
Running into people I don’t like
Early report times at cheer competitions

How about you guys? What are some of your responses? 

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High school never ends

Do you guys know that Bowling for Soup song? It’s a pretty catchy song if you haven’t heard of it. It also makes some really good points. Which is a nice twist. 

Here’ it is so you can listen:

Anyway, before we really get started here, I want to say that OF COURSE high school ends. And no one was happier about that than I. The day I graduated ranks in the top 5 days of my life. I hated high school. A lot. I couldn’t wait to leave and honestly, part of why I picked the college I did was because not many people from my school went there so the chances of running into anyone was slim. Just the way I liked and wanted it. I mean, it’s not that I went to a bad school. Quite the opposite. Learning wise, I know how great my high school was. But the people. Holy shit, the people. The atmosphere. The everything. Toxic to me. But I am a much better person because I both went there and I left. 

So there’s that. 

But back to the point. 

In the aforementioned song, the band references the fact that they really haven’t changed much since high school. I agree with that. I mean, not for them because I don’t know them personally, but for me. Yes, I have changed–grown and matured and all that. But there are still a whole bunch of things about me that are exactly the same as when I was in high school. Things like: 

  • The music I listen to. I have always, always been a rock chick. It’s my go-to genre. In fact, as I type this I am listening to Shinedown radio on Spotify. Back then, it was more hairbands and Rush and classic rock. Guess what? Still love that stuff. Still listen to it frequently. 
  • How I spend my money. Nail polish, music, books, concerts, makeup. 1995-check. 2016-check. 
  • My love of drugstores. When I was in high school and wanted a break from homework or whatever, I’d drive to this enormous drugstore near my house. I’d browse all the aisles, looking at all the things and never leaving without buying something. As an adult? Same. And Ulta and Sephora are just larger extensions of drugstore makeup sections. 
  • Music and books over TV. To this day, I’d still rather listen to a playlist or the radio or read a book than turn on the TV. I never watched much TV as a kid and still don’t, despite what my binge watching habits might indicate. Fun fact: I do not have a TV in my bedroom and have no plans to put one in. Another fun fact: My husband hates this. 
  • My hatred of pants. The first thing I would do upon getting home from school, besides have a snack, was change out of my jeans and into comfy pants. Generally sweats that were 8 sizes too big. Nowadays it’s more yoga pants and I wear them 90% of the time because fuck real pants. 
  • Matt Damon. My favorite since 1992.
  • An overwhelming feeling of being unsettled. The wanderlust in me is real. Always has been, as long as I can remember. I love traveling and seeing new places and experiencing all the new things. I was fortunate to travel a lot as a kid and teenager and it stuck. 
  • True crime. You guys know I love all things dark and murdery and true crime and criminal justice but this dates back as long as I can remember. While normal kids were reading whatever it was normal kids read, I was reading Christopher Pike’s creepy ass teenage murder books and books about Ted Bundy and Jack the Ripper. 
  • Being an introvert. Living the introvert life since 1977.

It’s pretty interesting to me to look back at how much I’ve changed as a person but my interests are consistent. Then again, there’s also a whole list of things I hated in high school but love now. Like dogs. I can’t imagine my life without them now but when my sisters were begging for one, I threatened to move out. Not even kidding. 

So I guess not everything is the same as it was back then. 

How about you guys? How have you stayed the same since high school?

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What I hope you receive from me

This post is part of Alyssa’s back to blogging nonchallenge challenge

Reflecting on what I hope people receive from me was harder than I thought. I didn’t know whether to look at from the perspective of my family, my daughter, my friends, online…which do I pick? Because there’s a bunch of different qualities I hope people are picking up on, and it’s not always the same from group to group. Then I reflected further and found some similarities:

Consistency.  What you see is what you get and while I’m pretty guarded about my feelings, I’m always me. I realize that’s kind of a contradiction. But I don’t change who I am based on who you are. 

Honesty. You may not like it but I’m not going to lie to you. I will tell it like it is. Lying goes against one of my core beliefs and I’m uncompromising on that.

Reliability. I will show up when I say, do what I promise, and be there to help when you need it. I hope people realize that I’m someone they can rely on whether it’s with their house keys, their pet, their secrets, or to hold their hair back when they puke. We all need someone we can count on. I like to think that’s me. 

Humor. I like to laugh and I like to make people laugh and I like to have people around me who make me laugh. 

A comfortable place. So, that sounds weird. But what I hope is that people realize they can be whomever or whatever they want around me. You don’t have to act, pretend, or distort who you are. Say what you feel and say what you mean. Let your freak flag fly high and proud when I’m around. I won’t judge you.

A voice for those who can’t speak for themselves. It’s a big motivation behind why I write and I hope that when I share my struggles, it gives people someone to relate to or makes them feel less alone. I hope it helps educate and destigmatize and foster understanding. And if it makes a difference to one person, it’s all worth it. 

Support and encouragement. I don’t believe in tearing people down to make myself look or feel better. I don’t believe in not helping when I know I can. What I do believe in is listening and encouraging and being a positive voice in your ear or on your phone, especially when you’re feeling like you can’t do it yourself or you want to quit. I believe in networking and assisting and promoting and connecting, and I hope my actions match those beliefs. 


How about you guys? What are some things you hope people receive from you?

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I can’t but I can

I don’t know if the confessions linkup is still a thing and I don’t generally participate because I am terrible remembering to do it and also I don’t usually post on Wednesdays but I haven’t done any sort of confession lately (unless you count me listing all the jobs I’d suck at) and I saw Stephanie write this post (thanks for the idea) and thought hey! I should do that. 

So I did.

I cannot whistle or snap my fingers…but I can tie a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue

I cannot name all the US presidents in order…but I can name all 7 dwarfs and all the Fraggles

I cannot remember what I need to buy in a store…but I can remember song lyrics from 1987

I cannot do a smoky eye…but I can rock red lip gloss

I cannot navigate anywhere without a map…but I can find my way back when I inevitably do get lost

I cannot do math in my head…but I can correct your grammar 

I cannot run a marathon…but I can read a 500 page book in a day

I cannot travel everywhere I want to go…but I can prioritize and visit those places

I cannot make small talk one on one…but I can speak in front of a room full of people

I cannot remember where I put my phone…but I can remember details of people’s lives

I cannot easily ask for help…but I can figure it out on my own

I cannot erase my depression…but I can fight like hell to keep it in check

I cannot make images…but I can find hilarious shit like this:


oscarWhat can or can’t you guys do?


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My completely rational irrational fears

I originally posted this almost two years ago. But since I’m in San Diego this week, and many of you are new around these parts and might have missed it the first time around, I’m resharing. You can also read part 2 when you’re done!

One thing I’m more than happy to admit about myself is that I have many, many fears. Some of them are completely rational. Most of them are not. In fact, not only are they completely irrational but most of them are completely avoidable. Yet they continue to plague me, sometimes on a daily basis. 

I couldn’t even tell you WHY I fear these things. My time would be better spent living in fear of things that are real, like the black widow spiders that live in my neighborhood. Or the threat of a gas build-up in my house because the knobs on the stove like to turn on ever so slightly on their own (you know, not enough to start the burner but just enough to let the gas seep out). Or my neighbors being involved in a drug related shooting because I’m 99% sure they’re running drugs out of their garage. 

Nope. Instead, I find myself living in fear of:

  1. Horses. They’re gigantic and unpredictable and they pretend like they’re all sweet and awesome but really, I’m pretty sure they’re plotting against me and they’re secretly violent. When you’re that big and a fly can scare you, you need to stay the fuck away from me. Also, when I meet someone who also doesn’t like horses, we’re instantly BFFs. Because THEY GET IT.horses
  2. Setting my hair on fire. My favorite, and pretty much only, part of my appearance I like is my hair and I do almost nothing with fire. So of course I’m paranoid that I’m going to get involved in a Michael Jackson-like incident.
  3. Barbecues. Not the social events but rather the physical grill that you use to cook the food. I will not go near ours, not even to turn it on, because I fear singeing my eyebrows off and I won’t let my family use any of the ones in public areas because I’m convinced people pee on them. It’s useless to convince me otherwise. 
  4. Drive by shootings. I live in the sticks, across the street from a farm, and my neighborhood sits on a golf course. In other words, prime locations for a drive by. See also: being abducted.
  5. My cat being eaten by a wild animal. This one is not completely ridiculous. I have an indoor/outdoor cat and living in the country means there are all kinds of animals living outside, too. But she sleeps inside almost every night and she’s crazy fast and agile and she didn’t die during the 2 weeks she was missing. But the fear is real.
  6. Losing my teeth. I do not come from a long line of people with good teeth so genetics are not on my side. Despite how meticulous and ridiculous I am about oral hygiene, I can’t help but think that one day, all my teeth will fall out. 
  7. A car falling into my windshield. Specifically when I’m driving behind one of those trucks that hauls all kinds of different cars and all the cars look like they’re one bump away from coming loose. Can’t they secure them just a little  bit better? Like with chains instead of tape?

    My personal horror movie

  8. Tunnels. If you ever want to see my knuckles turn stark white or see me stop breathing, drive through a tunnel with me. I have an immense fear of the walls caving in and/or getting stuck in one. True story: when I drove from college to Key West with some friends for spring break (remember this one, Steph?), I had to drive through the Fort McHenry Tunnel (outside Baltimore). I wouldn’t let anyone speak for the entire duration we were in the tunnel. It makes me that crazy.Instant fear. Just add traffic and high speeds.
  9. Birds. Also bats. Not only do I fear them nesting in my hair and shitting on me, I’m confident they carry all kinds of diseases and I want no part of that. Another true story: one summer, when I was a sleepaway camp counselor, a bat got into our cabin. I hid under my blanket and let my campers fend for themselves. Because fuck them and that bat.

This is actually my nightmare:


2016 update: The bathtub crashing through the floor and landing in the kitchen, mowing off my toes, falling into my washing machine (it’s a top loader, very deep, and I am short. This is a terrible equation), and every single unidentifiable bug or spider that leaves near my house.

Now that you all know how I’m sufficiently crazy, what irrational fears do you have?

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