Jana Says

Living life from cover to cover

Tag Archive: confessions

Things I don’t ever feel like doing

Totally borrowing this idea from Steph.

Running

Laundry

Gardening

Vacuuming

Cleaning the litter box

Ironing

Shoe shopping

Talking to people I don’t like

Going outside in the rain

Crafting

Wearing sleeveless anything. Or shorts

Making waffles

Sitting in traffic

Arguing with uninformed people

Finishing a book I don’t like

Watching reality TV

Golf

Going to Walmart

Making blog images

How about you? What are some things you don’t ever feel like doing?

TV pet peeves

I’ve been watching a lot some TV and movies lately and some shit is really on my nerves. Let’s discuss:

  • Why does no one start a car with a key? How do these magic cars start? 
  • Teeth brushing. Just use some damn toothpaste. Your water isn’t fooling anyone
  • Perfectly decorated and clean houses everywhere. Except when they want to represent poor people. Then the houses are dirty. Like FILTHY. I don’t get that stereotype and quite frankly, it pisses me off. Economic status does not always equal level of cleanliness and organization
  • No one says goodbye when they hang up the phone. Manners exist in real life. Why not movies?
  • All the pushed up against a wall sex. It looks painful and uncomfortable and awkward because hello height differences and are that many people having sex that way?
  • Cheerleader tropes. I’m confident I’ve ranted about this before but honestly, the cheerleaders I know don’t dress or act like that and MAYBE they wouldn’t have to fight against the horrible stereotype movies and TV perpetuate if people who write those tropes would knock it the fuck off See also: buffoon dads
  • WHY SO MUCH VOMIT?
  • Gun usage. Not so much that there is gun usage but more a matter of how does everyone know how to use a gun? I don’t know how to properly use a gun and I was forced to take self-defense and that included dismantling (disarming?) a gun. Still can’t shoot it
  • The perfect manicures and the frequency with which nail polish colors change. You want to show real? Show a woman with chipped nail polish. See also: no wardrobe repeats

Do you have any movie or TV pet peeves?

I hear voices when I read (and other weird shit about me)

I have been trying to wrap my head around all my feelings, thoughts, and emotions in light of the Women’s March and the shitstorm that’s been unleashed via executive orders and I’m struggling with it and whenever I try to string together a thought or sentence or whatever, I start to cry. In fact, I’d planned a post about how we do feminism in our house and I couldn’t get through it so instead, I present you with a whole bunch of weird facts about me:

  • When I read, I hear the characters’ voices in my head. Usually with an American accent even if the book takes place in another country.
  • Also when I read, I check how many pages are in the book and do a rough calculation for how long the book will take me to finish.
  • With regard to above, I never calculate correctly because math is fucking hard.
  • My feet and my ears don’t match. I mean, each foot differs from the other, as does each ear.  Obviously they don’t match each other. 
  • I refuse to drink two different beverages from the same cup on the same day, even if the cup has been washed out in between. 
  • At 5’3″, I am the tallest of me and my siblings. My parents create giants, y’all. I was also born the latest (18 days late)  and was the smallest in weight.
  • I failed my road test 4 times. My family still jokes about it.
  • I cannot do accents and impressions. Unless said impression is Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny because, honestly, it’s not really a stretch. #newyorkerforlife
  • I work movie quotes into conversations with people I know won’t understand the reference simply for my own amusement.
  • I write full blog posts in my head while I’m in the shower and, when we used to have bathtub crayons (back when we only had one bathroom and they were for the Child but I am seriously considering buying them again), if the mood struck, I would brainstorm on the walls using said crayons.

How about you guys? What are some weird things about you? Don’t be shy, either. This is a judgement free zone.

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My Christmas not to-do list

December is a weird, expensive month for my family. Between Christmas and Hanukkah and the child’s birthday, all of our money goes away. We manage it the best we can but still. See you in January, cash, along with my sanity, organization, and clean(ish) house. 

That said, we do have some holiday traditions that, thankfully, are free or mostly free. Driving around to look at lights, decorating gingerbread houses (from a kit, usually purchased a Michael’s with a coupon. Please do not think I’m ambitious enough to make that shit from scratch), and watching The Muppets Christmas Carol. In fact, here’s our full list. It’s pretty much remained the same in the two years since I wrote it. 

But since I like balance, let’s talk about all the thing I do not do at Christmastime. 

not-to-do

  • Employ The Elf on the Shelf. First of all, it’s fucking creepy. Second of all, I’m way too lazy to remember to move the thing. Third, why am I going to make messes and projects that I’m going to have to clean up? 
  • Drink from Starbucks red cups. I hate Starbucks coffee. It’s disgusting. I’m not a fan of their hot chocolate either. And why am I going to pay $9 for a cup of hot tea simply because it’s in a red cup? Or spend 48 minutes in line waiting to spend $9 on tea in a red cup? I’m not. So I drink my candy cane tea from my Muppets mug instead and I don’t even have to leave my house. See also: eggnog. Why does it exist?
  • Send holiday cards. This is one of those “one day I’ll do it” things and finally I realized that no fucking way is it ever going to happen because I’m too forgetful and I lose addresses and like with the creeper Elf, lazy. I’m sorry, friends. I love you but no cards from me. 
  • Watch Love Actually. Confession: I’ve never seen it. I’m not really sure I care to. Don’t even know where to find it if I did want to watch it. See also: all the other Hallmark/Lifetime type Christmas movies. 
  • Wear holiday manicures. The closest I’ll come is some sparkly red nail polish I have. But snowmen or Santa hats or whatever the hell else ambitious people get painted on their nails? No and no.
  • Listen to Christmas music. This where it gets tricky. While I LOATHE most Christmas music, some of the nontraditional songs are pretty fun. My husband, however, enjoys all the songs so we compromise. I made a playlist mixed with both types and we listen to it on only two days: gingerbread house day and Christmas day. 
  • Attend an ugly sweater party. This implies that I’m going to attend a party and I’m 100% confident that is not going to happen. 
  • Have a cookie baking day. I make 3 ingredient microwave fudge and one type of cookie. It takes 20 minutes. That’s all I’m willing to spend. Besides, I work from home and I shouldn’t be left alone with peanut butter fudge and the husband works with 5 other people and last year, all the stuff I sent to his work got thrown away so fuck them. 
  • Encourage my child to wake up at 5AM to open presents. Mama needs her sleep. Don’t mess with that. 

I’m sure there more things that I don’t do and I’m sure I’ll think of it later. That’s pretty much the story of this time of year. 

How about you guys? Is there anything you don’t or won’t do around the holidays?

 

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Three more things

I figured that in light of Monday’s rant, I’d lighten the mood up a bit around here by once again stealing borrowing from Steph’s 3 things prompt

Here we go.

3-things

Three things I frequently forget
Where I put my phone
Where I park my car
Email

Three errands I love to run
Library day
Concord Pet (local pet store)
CVS or any sort of drugstore 

Three errands I hate to run
Grocery shopping (because god forbid I actually get everything at once)
The hell that is Walmart
Goodwill drop off (this can also be found in “things I frequently forget.” Please note that my gym is ACROSS THE STREET from our Goodwill and yet I still don’t do it.)

Three restaurants I want to try
I legit have no answer for this. Oh, wait! The Drunk’n Baker. It’s a bakery which I’m assuming counts. Other than that, I haven’t really given much thought to restaurants. 

Three famous people I’d like to meet
Billy Joel
Kate McKinnon
Jennifer Weiner

Three famous people I’d like to avoid
Juliette Lewis
Penn Jilette
Ann Coulter

Three things I recommend
PiƱa Coladas
Getting caught in the rain
A Spotify subscription.

Three books I loved in the elementary/junior high days
The Babysitters Club. All of them. I’m not picking just one.
Sweet Valley High. See justification above.
Remember Me–Christopher Pike

Three things I always look forward to
Vacations
Starting a new book
Naps

Three things I always dread
Running into people I don’t like
Laundry
Early report times at cheer competitions

How about you guys? What are some of your responses? 

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