Jana Says

Living life from cover to cover

Tag Archive: confessions

I hear voices when I read (and other weird shit about me)

I have been trying to wrap my head around all my feelings, thoughts, and emotions in light of the Women’s March and the shitstorm that’s been unleashed via executive orders and I’m struggling with it and whenever I try to string together a thought or sentence or whatever, I start to cry. In fact, I’d planned a post about how we do feminism in our house and I couldn’t get through it so instead, I present you with a whole bunch of weird facts about me:

  • When I read, I hear the characters’ voices in my head. Usually with an American accent even if the book takes place in another country.
  • Also when I read, I check how many pages are in the book and do a rough calculation for how long the book will take me to finish.
  • With regard to above, I never calculate correctly because math is fucking hard.
  • My feet and my ears don’t match. I mean, each foot differs from the other, as does each ear.  Obviously they don’t match each other. 
  • I refuse to drink two different beverages from the same cup on the same day, even if the cup has been washed out in between. 
  • At 5’3″, I am the tallest of me and my siblings. My parents create giants, y’all. I was also born the latest (18 days late)  and was the smallest in weight.
  • I failed my road test 4 times. My family still jokes about it.
  • I cannot do accents and impressions. Unless said impression is Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny because, honestly, it’s not really a stretch. #newyorkerforlife
  • I work movie quotes into conversations with people I know won’t understand the reference simply for my own amusement.
  • I write full blog posts in my head while I’m in the shower and, when we used to have bathtub crayons (back when we only had one bathroom and they were for the Child but I am seriously considering buying them again), if the mood struck, I would brainstorm on the walls using said crayons.

How about you guys? What are some weird things about you? Don’t be shy, either. This is a judgement free zone.

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My Christmas not to-do list

December is a weird, expensive month for my family. Between Christmas and Hanukkah and the child’s birthday, all of our money goes away. We manage it the best we can but still. See you in January, cash, along with my sanity, organization, and clean(ish) house. 

That said, we do have some holiday traditions that, thankfully, are free or mostly free. Driving around to look at lights, decorating gingerbread houses (from a kit, usually purchased a Michael’s with a coupon. Please do not think I’m ambitious enough to make that shit from scratch), and watching The Muppets Christmas Carol. In fact, here’s our full list. It’s pretty much remained the same in the two years since I wrote it. 

But since I like balance, let’s talk about all the thing I do not do at Christmastime. 


  • Employ The Elf on the Shelf. First of all, it’s fucking creepy. Second of all, I’m way too lazy to remember to move the thing. Third, why am I going to make messes and projects that I’m going to have to clean up? 
  • Drink from Starbucks red cups. I hate Starbucks coffee. It’s disgusting. I’m not a fan of their hot chocolate either. And why am I going to pay $9 for a cup of hot tea simply because it’s in a red cup? Or spend 48 minutes in line waiting to spend $9 on tea in a red cup? I’m not. So I drink my candy cane tea from my Muppets mug instead and I don’t even have to leave my house. See also: eggnog. Why does it exist?
  • Send holiday cards. This is one of those “one day I’ll do it” things and finally I realized that no fucking way is it ever going to happen because I’m too forgetful and I lose addresses and like with the creeper Elf, lazy. I’m sorry, friends. I love you but no cards from me. 
  • Watch Love Actually. Confession: I’ve never seen it. I’m not really sure I care to. Don’t even know where to find it if I did want to watch it. See also: all the other Hallmark/Lifetime type Christmas movies. 
  • Wear holiday manicures. The closest I’ll come is some sparkly red nail polish I have. But snowmen or Santa hats or whatever the hell else ambitious people get painted on their nails? No and no.
  • Listen to Christmas music. This where it gets tricky. While I LOATHE most Christmas music, some of the nontraditional songs are pretty fun. My husband, however, enjoys all the songs so we compromise. I made a playlist mixed with both types and we listen to it on only two days: gingerbread house day and Christmas day. 
  • Attend an ugly sweater party. This implies that I’m going to attend a party and I’m 100% confident that is not going to happen. 
  • Have a cookie baking day. I make 3 ingredient microwave fudge and one type of cookie. It takes 20 minutes. That’s all I’m willing to spend. Besides, I work from home and I shouldn’t be left alone with peanut butter fudge and the husband works with 5 other people and last year, all the stuff I sent to his work got thrown away so fuck them. 
  • Encourage my child to wake up at 5AM to open presents. Mama needs her sleep. Don’t mess with that. 

I’m sure there more things that I don’t do and I’m sure I’ll think of it later. That’s pretty much the story of this time of year. 

How about you guys? Is there anything you don’t or won’t do around the holidays?


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Three more things

I figured that in light of Monday’s rant, I’d lighten the mood up a bit around here by once again stealing borrowing from Steph’s 3 things prompt

Here we go.


Three things I frequently forget
Where I put my phone
Where I park my car

Three errands I love to run
Library day
Concord Pet (local pet store)
CVS or any sort of drugstore 

Three errands I hate to run
Grocery shopping (because god forbid I actually get everything at once)
The hell that is Walmart
Goodwill drop off (this can also be found in “things I frequently forget.” Please note that my gym is ACROSS THE STREET from our Goodwill and yet I still don’t do it.)

Three restaurants I want to try
I legit have no answer for this. Oh, wait! The Drunk’n Baker. It’s a bakery which I’m assuming counts. Other than that, I haven’t really given much thought to restaurants. 

Three famous people I’d like to meet
Billy Joel
Kate McKinnon
Jennifer Weiner

Three famous people I’d like to avoid
Juliette Lewis
Penn Jilette
Ann Coulter

Three things I recommend
PiƱa Coladas
Getting caught in the rain
A Spotify subscription.

Three books I loved in the elementary/junior high days
The Babysitters Club. All of them. I’m not picking just one.
Sweet Valley High. See justification above.
Remember Me–Christopher Pike

Three things I always look forward to
Starting a new book

Three things I always dread
Running into people I don’t like
Early report times at cheer competitions

How about you guys? What are some of your responses? 

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High school never ends

Do you guys know that Bowling for Soup song? It’s a pretty catchy song if you haven’t heard of it. It also makes some really good points. Which is a nice twist. 

Here’ it is so you can listen:

Anyway, before we really get started here, I want to say that OF COURSE high school ends. And no one was happier about that than I. The day I graduated ranks in the top 5 days of my life. I hated high school. A lot. I couldn’t wait to leave and honestly, part of why I picked the college I did was because not many people from my school went there so the chances of running into anyone was slim. Just the way I liked and wanted it. I mean, it’s not that I went to a bad school. Quite the opposite. Learning wise, I know how great my high school was. But the people. Holy shit, the people. The atmosphere. The everything. Toxic to me. But I am a much better person because I both went there and I left. 

So there’s that. 

But back to the point. 

In the aforementioned song, the band references the fact that they really haven’t changed much since high school. I agree with that. I mean, not for them because I don’t know them personally, but for me. Yes, I have changed–grown and matured and all that. But there are still a whole bunch of things about me that are exactly the same as when I was in high school. Things like: 

  • The music I listen to. I have always, always been a rock chick. It’s my go-to genre. In fact, as I type this I am listening to Shinedown radio on Spotify. Back then, it was more hairbands and Rush and classic rock. Guess what? Still love that stuff. Still listen to it frequently. 
  • How I spend my money. Nail polish, music, books, concerts, makeup. 1995-check. 2016-check. 
  • My love of drugstores. When I was in high school and wanted a break from homework or whatever, I’d drive to this enormous drugstore near my house. I’d browse all the aisles, looking at all the things and never leaving without buying something. As an adult? Same. And Ulta and Sephora are just larger extensions of drugstore makeup sections. 
  • Music and books over TV. To this day, I’d still rather listen to a playlist or the radio or read a book than turn on the TV. I never watched much TV as a kid and still don’t, despite what my binge watching habits might indicate. Fun fact: I do not have a TV in my bedroom and have no plans to put one in. Another fun fact: My husband hates this. 
  • My hatred of pants. The first thing I would do upon getting home from school, besides have a snack, was change out of my jeans and into comfy pants. Generally sweats that were 8 sizes too big. Nowadays it’s more yoga pants and I wear them 90% of the time because fuck real pants. 
  • Matt Damon. My favorite since 1992.
  • An overwhelming feeling of being unsettled. The wanderlust in me is real. Always has been, as long as I can remember. I love traveling and seeing new places and experiencing all the new things. I was fortunate to travel a lot as a kid and teenager and it stuck. 
  • True crime. You guys know I love all things dark and murdery and true crime and criminal justice but this dates back as long as I can remember. While normal kids were reading whatever it was normal kids read, I was reading Christopher Pike’s creepy ass teenage murder books and books about Ted Bundy and Jack the Ripper. 
  • Being an introvert. Living the introvert life since 1977.

It’s pretty interesting to me to look back at how much I’ve changed as a person but my interests are consistent. Then again, there’s also a whole list of things I hated in high school but love now. Like dogs. I can’t imagine my life without them now but when my sisters were begging for one, I threatened to move out. Not even kidding. 

So I guess not everything is the same as it was back then. 

How about you guys? How have you stayed the same since high school?

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What I hope you receive from me

This post is part of Alyssa’s back to blogging nonchallenge challenge

Reflecting on what I hope people receive from me was harder than I thought. I didn’t know whether to look at from the perspective of my family, my daughter, my friends, online…which do I pick? Because there’s a bunch of different qualities I hope people are picking up on, and it’s not always the same from group to group. Then I reflected further and found some similarities:

Consistency.  What you see is what you get and while I’m pretty guarded about my feelings, I’m always me. I realize that’s kind of a contradiction. But I don’t change who I am based on who you are. 

Honesty. You may not like it but I’m not going to lie to you. I will tell it like it is. Lying goes against one of my core beliefs and I’m uncompromising on that.

Reliability. I will show up when I say, do what I promise, and be there to help when you need it. I hope people realize that I’m someone they can rely on whether it’s with their house keys, their pet, their secrets, or to hold their hair back when they puke. We all need someone we can count on. I like to think that’s me. 

Humor. I like to laugh and I like to make people laugh and I like to have people around me who make me laugh. 

A comfortable place. So, that sounds weird. But what I hope is that people realize they can be whomever or whatever they want around me. You don’t have to act, pretend, or distort who you are. Say what you feel and say what you mean. Let your freak flag fly high and proud when I’m around. I won’t judge you.

A voice for those who can’t speak for themselves. It’s a big motivation behind why I write and I hope that when I share my struggles, it gives people someone to relate to or makes them feel less alone. I hope it helps educate and destigmatize and foster understanding. And if it makes a difference to one person, it’s all worth it. 

Support and encouragement. I don’t believe in tearing people down to make myself look or feel better. I don’t believe in not helping when I know I can. What I do believe in is listening and encouraging and being a positive voice in your ear or on your phone, especially when you’re feeling like you can’t do it yourself or you want to quit. I believe in networking and assisting and promoting and connecting, and I hope my actions match those beliefs. 


How about you guys? What are some things you hope people receive from you?

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