Jana Says

Living life from cover to cover

Tag Archive: books

About that time I stood up for myself, asked a question, and got what I wanted

Those who know me in person may find this next statement hard to believe but I’m going to say it anyway–I have a hard time standing up for myself.

JasmineYes, it’s true that I’m outspoken, but often, when someone does something rude or inconsiderate or hurtful, I don’t say anything. I internalize it, keep it to myself and blow up at inappropriate times. Or maybe I stuff it down by eating another pumpkin chocolate chip muffin (since I have approximately 13,000 in my house). Or maybe I use it as another way to beat myself up and say that perhaps I deserve to be treated that way because I clearly did something wrong.

It does wonders for my self-esteem, let me tell you.

By not standing up for myself, not only do I hurt myself mentally but I also wind up inconveniencing myself. For instance, if I place an order for something–let’s use food as an example because why not–and it comes out wrong, I typically will not say anything. I will just deal with the problem because a) I’m convinced that something awful will happen to my food if I send it back (I *might* have paranoia issues sometimes) and b) I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

I do this more often than I care to admit, and oftentimes, I just take the wrong product because I have limited time to wait for the right one and the wrong one is better than none at all. Then I profusely apologize when I have a crappy business card (this happened at one full-time job) or an ill-fitting wedding dress (yup, that happened) or whatever else. I do vote with my voice and let people know not to go to XYZ company or eat at 123 restaurant and I also won’t give them any more of my money. Word of mouth is essential when you live in a small state so if I mention that a local company is crap, news travels fast.

But I never let the right people know.

Most of the time.

Sometimes, though, I decide that I’ve had enough and I really don’t have the time or patience to deal with a problem. Also, my bank account is exhausted. It can’t really take any additional hits. Which is why, this past week, I stood up for myself on two-TWO–separate occasions! And I was successful in getting done what I needed!

Time #1–The Library

For the 9 years I lived in my old house, I had a regular library that I used. Getting there took about 10 minutes, maybe 15 or 20 if the traffic was really heavy. So, not too bad. Now that I’ve moved, I live approximately 45 minutes from that library. That’s too damn far, especially when  I another branch 15 minutes from my new house. So, when I got a notice that books I had on hold (The Silver Star by Jeanette Walls and Serena by Ron Rash, for those who are interested) were available at my old library, I was frustrated. I really didn’t want to have to drive to that branch. It’s a waste of time, I already spend way too much money on gas thanks to living in the middle of no where and cheer competitions, and we really need to save the mileage on my car thanks to the lease restrictions (side note: I will NEVER lease a car again. It was something that had to be done due to a major financial pinch a few years ago but never, ever again).

So I made a phone call. And I asked if the books could be transferred to the new, closer branch. And they said yes! Who knew? Now I get my books and I get to save on all the areas I need to save.

Time #2–The Gym

Because the husband has a gym in his office building and works hours that don’t allow him the opportunity to use our YMCA, we removed him from our membership (hooray for saving money). For whatever reason, that caused a glitch in the Y’s system and they charged us twice this month for our membership fee. I noticed it because I compulsively check our bank account (we had some issues with compromised information at our alma mater as well as a stolen card number last year so I keep a pretty close watch on our account). The other day, I went to the front desk to ask what happened, and I was told that the money would be refunded.

Imagine my surprise when 3 days later, no refund had been issued. So I called again. And spoke to a very pleasant, helpful lady who figured out why I had no refund and actually processed it this time. She even emailed me a receipt! We’ll get our money back in a day or two. Just in time to pay for October, too.

The Difference

Because I’m trying to work on improving myself, this includes standing up for myself and asking questions when I’ve lost money or need to be inconvenienced. I’m trying to recognize that sometimes, it’s okay to want things to be easy for me (also, I deserve my money back). The worst people can tell me is no. Then I’m in the situation I didn’t want but I can at least assure myself that I tried.

In these two situations, the main difference between present Jana and past Jana is that I got the confidence, and took the initiative, to actually make the phone calls. In the past, I would have put the onus on me to work out the problem instead of asking for help. But in the present, I acknowledge that that’s ridiculous. So I did it. And I got the results I wanted. Which gives me confidence to do it again.

Note: Make no mistake. If someone messes with my kid, I absolutely will not tolerate it. I will get in their face if I have to. You do NOT hurt my child in any way and get away with it. Same with my animals. Sometimes my husband but he’s bigger than me so it’s more intimidating if he stands up for himself. But all 5’3″ of me will be right behind him. 

How about you? Are you good about standing up for yourself in situations? 

I’m in a book!

A while back, a blogger I respect a lot, Carrie from Careful Cents, wrote a post about how she increased her freelance income by more than $2000 per month (totally go check this post out. And the rest of her site. It’s got good, good stuff). One of the key points was to say yes more often. It’s a point that stuck with me since I first read it.

It’s hard for me to say yes to opportunities. I have a variety of trust issues regarding people. I’m terrible with taking chances and seizing opportunities. Some of the reasons for this stem from my own insecurities; some of them stem from experience. And, also when it comes to my career and success, I’m a pretty pessimistic person, which is attributed mainly to my lack of self-confidence

This last part is perhaps the most dangerous when you’re trying to make a living as a freelancer. When you’re trying to freelance, you need to be confident in your skills and knowledge. You need to have a thick skin. You need to network, take risks, and make opportunities come to you as well as create your own. Not an easy thing to do when you’re a textbook introvert, new people make your nervous, and you get overwhelmed easily.

But I’m working on it. Every day, I work on it. It’s getting better but I have a long, long way to go. And in the back of my mind is always Carrie’s point about saying yes.

21 Days to Healthier Finances

I’m in this book. You should read it to find out where. Like Where’s Waldo, except easier.

Which is why, when the nice guys at Credit Forums (a sort of local company. They’re based in Philly) approached me about writing a page for their newest guide, I agreed to do it. Well, I hesitated at first and did some research but I agreed to do it. I figured it was a great way to get some practice writing for a book, which is ultimately what I want to do, and who knows what else it could lead to? Everyone has to start somewhere. Why not start here?

And, I’m not going to lie to you, a bunch of really selfish factors got tossed in the mix of reasons I said yes. I’m glad I did, too, because not only has it panned out but it’s a quality finished product that I’m really proud to be a part of (and one of the other contributors is my very first mentee, Pauline, from Reach Financial Independence so that’s extra aca-awesome).

Oh, the best part? You guys get a copy of the guide, 21 Days to Healthier Finances, for free just by following this link. You don’t have to sign up for anything, register, give any information to access the guide (although there are bonus chapters that you get if you register by email. Totally your call).

It’s a really quick and easy guide to read and it gives a number of tips from a variety of experts on getting your finances under control if that’s something you’re interested it. Or, you can read it just to see what I wrote. That’s cool, too.

And, apropos of nothing except I totally ripped off the title of this post from it, here’s the video of The Lonely Island’s “I’m On a Boat”: