Jana Says

Living life from cover to cover

Life

A few words on transparency

soapbox>>>Steps on soapbox

Earlier in the year, when I was attempting to get a blog consulting business off the ground, I entered into a contract with a gentleman who was at the very beginning stages of building a blog. After some conversation, I figured I could help him, he figured I could help him, and he paid me for a few months of work up front. Everyone was happy.

The contract ended and we informally kept in touch, mainly due to some side projects this gentleman was working on. He wanted to bring me on board for a very large scale project, one that I was extremely excited for because of both the scope of work and, yes, the potential paycheck. And, despite the fact that details were fuzzy and progress was slow, I maintained enthusiasm for project. I couldn’t wait to get started.

And then.

I was fired. Before I was even officially hired.

Why?

According to this gentleman, I am not transparent enough. Which is not something I have ever claimed or even attempted to be. There are certain parts of my financial and personal life–and this was true, even when I had a purely personal finance site–that I never shared (and never will share). That was a conscious decision, made out of a number reasons, including a respect for my husband’s wishes and the fact that too much transparency can wind up hurting rather than helping.

I don’t know where the expectation for complete and total transparency happened. As bloggers, we do share a certain amount of information. That’s our choice. But to expect that we share everything is asinine. There is no law or rule that states we are required to put each intimate detail of our lives online or in our blog. It’s our content, our rules, our lives. We get to decide what to do with it and how much of it to share. And where, with whom, and in what context that information is shared.

To tell us otherwise is ridiculous. No one has any right to dictate or bully us into divulging any more than we are comfortable with. There are reasons that people don’t share everything, and guess what? We don’t have to share those reasons either. If someone says “I’m not comfortable sharing that”, then their choice deserves respect. You can choose to move on to another person who will be more transparent if that’s what you like to read. That’s fine. We understand. But if you’re going to continue to read our sites, then you need to behave, act like a grown up, and show some respect for our decision not to share every intimate detail.

However.

Bloggers have to take ownership of the situation, too. If we choose to make any part of our lives available for public consumption then we must be prepared for readers to criticize, disagree, or dislike those choices. We need to be prepared for people wanting or insisting on having more. Hell, we even need to be prepared for virtual strangers to dislike us as people. And we need to let them. Because while they might not have the right to force us share, we can’t stop them from trying. It’s how all of this works. Announcing your life to the world–and in part, that’s what blogging is–opens us up to that. If you can’t handle it, don’t blog in a public manner. It’s not for the thin skinned and easily offended.

Also, bloggers, if you choose to be transparent in every way possible, please consider the effects on your:

  • Personal life, particularly family and friends. Speaking from experience, you can unintentionally hurt people you care about even if what you write has the best intentions.
  • Job, and everything that goes with it including promotion potential, earning potential, raises and the like. There have been people who have been fired as a result of what they write on their blogs.
  • Legal issues. I couldn’t think of another way to describe this. But if you have anything like pending mortgage information, child support, or other income based proceedings happening, full transparency can hurt you.

If you think, even for a second, that something you say can harm you, your career, your family, or whatever in any way, don’t use it in a post. And if you do, accept the consequences. Don’t place all the blame on the reader. You put it out there. Deal with what happens. Even if you don’t like it.

That said, if you’re okay with the consequences, share away. Disclose everything if you choose. You have mad respect from me for doing it. But I won’t be jumping on that train. I still need to keep some cards close to my chest.

>>>Steps off soapbox

P.S. For those wondering, I don’t mind that I lost the job. Yes, I was pissed at the time but compromising my standards and my promises wasn’t going to happen. It makes me sad that this gentleman couldn’t understand that but I wish him luck in finding someone who gives him what he needs. I hope his project goes well. I hope it succeeds. And I also hope he realizes that, just as we don’t accept bullying on the playground, we don’t accept bullying in the workplace either.

 

 

 

 

 

Jana’s rules for Zumba

It’s not a secret around here that if I’m going to exercise, it’s most likely going to take the shape of Zumba. It’s my preferred method of working out for a variety of reasons (the least of which is that it doesn’t bore me to tears) and it’s the only one I haven’t quit on in a few months time. And after over a year of doing it at least 3 times per week, I’ve noticed some things (of course I have. It’s what I do).

And because I’m amazingly helpful, I’ve assembled all I’ve noticed into a helpful list of rules so that if (and when) you decide to try it, you know how to act accordingly (oh, men? This goes for you, too. There are men who take Zumba and they look totally fine doing it. Plus, if you’re single, it’s a great way to meet women. Automatic conversation starter! See how helpful I am?).

So. Jana’s rules for Zumba. You can thank me later:

  1. Arrive on time. In fact, arrive a few minutes early and secure your spot. There is nothing worse than a straggler who pushes her way into the spot she wants 10 minutes after class has started.zumba time
  2. Respect the space of others. We move around a lot. Like A LOT. Don’t stand so close to someone else that they run the risk of smacking you accidentally on purpose as a warning. Or asking you to move or giving you nasty “let’s fight” looks. Not that I have done any of these.
  3. Wear a bra for the boobs you have not the boobs you want. Support the girls. They’ll thank you for it. Also, no one wants to see your goodies. (This also applies to workout gear. Wear something that fits and covers places that should be covered. A quick glance in a mirror before you leave the house should help).
  4. Know your place. Okay, that sounds rude. But if you’re new or can’t follow routines, please don’t stand in the front row. Your unfamiliarity with what the instructor is doing, or possess an inability to pick up on moves quickly (like me), is distracting. You can move up front as you become more familiar with the routines (note: quality of dancing is irrelevant. You can be a terrible dancer but still know the moves. In other words, me).
  5. Keep moving. We all screw up. Even the instructors. But when you screw up and just STOP, you throw everyone around you off and you might cause someone to fall or get hurt, particularly if they bump into you. And if you don’t like a song and don’t want to dance to it, step off to the side. Take a break. Don’t just stand there. Zumba dancing
  6. Along the same lines as #5. MOVE. YOUR. BODY. If you’re not going to move at all, why go through the trouble of going to the gym? You can accomplish the same thing staying at home with way less effort. Note: Unless you don’t know what you’re doing and you’re up front, the rest of us don’t care what you look like. We just want you to move.
  7. Wear deodorant. It makes me sad that I had to write that.
  8. Don’t be a space stealer. If someone leaves in the middle of song or to get a drink, don’t sneak into her spot. More than likely, she will return. Taking a break is not permission to sneak into someone’s spot. If you wanted a better spot, refer to rule #1. Zumba spot
  9. Prepare to sweat. I don’t care if you’re in the best shape ever, this is a shitload of fast paced cardio. It’s fucking hard and you will sweat. Don’t complain about it. We’re all sweating because we’re supposed to. So bring a towel and suck it up. Zumba sweat

Follow these rules and you’ll be an A student. Nothing is worse than going to a class and having an asshole with poor Zumba class etiquette ruin your experience. Don’t be that asshole.

Pinterest Project Tuesday: Chocolate chip cookie dough fudge

This week I made chocolate chip cookie dough fudge. Because why not?

I used this recipe, which was linked from a pin I found. Here’s what happened when I made it (I take terrible pictures. I apologize in advance for every post like this that I do):

Fudge collage Starting from 1:

  1. All the ingredients (you might have also seen this if you follow me on Instagram)
  2. Mixing together brown sugar, white sugar, and butter in my stand up mixer (I love my stand up mixer. It’s my favorite thing in my kitchen. Also it was free, courtesy of my mother in law).
  3. Melting butter with brown sugar and half and half. I think salt might also have been added.
  4. All dry ingredients, including powdered sugar (I swear that’s what it is. I know it looks like a prop from Scarface).
  5. Dry ingredients mixed with the melted butter concoction.
  6. Adding in chocolate chips.
  7. The whole mixture in the prepped pan, ready to go in the fridge.
  8. Finished product. Arranging food displays is clearly not a career path.

So that’s it. Like most foods I make, it looks ugly but tastes delicious. A warning: this is really sweet and a little goes a long way.

Did you make anything from Pinterest this week? How did it go?

Sometimes it’s okay to quit

Here’s something that will probably get me kicked out of every successful person’s club ever created:

This. This is perfect.

This. This is perfect.

It’s okay to quit. It’s okay to quit jobs, friends, relationships, hobbies, being an adult (temporarily), and anything else that’s infuriating, exhausting, unpleasant or plain not fun. If it makes you unhappy, it’s fine to let it go, even if sometimes you have no backup plan (except for maybe the job thing. You might want to quit paying bills because, let’s face it, that totally sucks but maybe being homeless or living in the dark sucks more so if you’re going to quit a job, have some form of income). If it’s toxic to your mental health, well being, self-esteem, marriage/romantic relationship, parenting ability, or anything else important, quit it. Drop it. Let it go.

It’s like Shinedown sings–“Sometimes good-bye is a second chance”.

You see, sometimes when we quit, it gives us a chance to look at things from a new perspective. We realize just how much we’ve lost–occasionally gained (because there’s something to be learned from every situation)–from the time spent on something that we knew was poisoning our souls and infecting our lives. Letting go of what hurts us, quitting what makes us sad, opens our eyes more to what makes us happy and gives us a chance to focus on what’s good in our lives. And it affords us an opportunity to start over.

Not making sense? Let me give an example.

A few years ago, I worked at a job I loved for a boss I hated. Like genuinely loathed this woman for reasons I’ve explained before. So every Friday (or Monday or Thursday. Fine, every day), I quit my job. In my head, of course, but I actually said the words “I quit” (followed by a tirade of expletives). It was empowering for a few reasons:

  1. It gave me some control over the situation.
  2. It was cathartic.
  3. It gave me a chance to regroup.

By quitting, I was able to put the stress of the day behind me and take stock of what was really important, like my family, my writing, my hobbies. I was able to be present and have fun and remember that I do, overall, love my life. Because when I didn’t do that, my life was swallowed whole by the bullying and general meanness of this woman and it affected every facet of my life. Every. One. And everyone around me suffered. So to take back some control of my life and my emotions, I gave her a virtual “fuck you”. I up and quit on her, leaving her floundering with no one to pick up the slack and do her work.

And it felt good. And when I went into work the next day, I had at least a few minutes of perspective before all the crap started again and I had to go through the whole process over again.

So maybe that was a bad example. But you’re all smart and I think you get the point. And my main point is this–it is really okay to quit. People do it with bad habits all the time (says the reformed nail biter). It’s not worth keeping anything around–people included–that suck your time and energy and detracts from you doing what it is you’re meant to do or want to do.

Quitting what’s toxic also opens you up to people and experiences that support you and your goals. It gives you the freedom to pursue what your heart is telling you (as long as you can get your head to shut up). It gives you an inner peace that cannot be bought. And it makes our lives so much better.

If you have something or someone toxic in your life, quit it (or them). Just let it go. I know it’s easier said than done and I’m in the middle of this struggle myself. But I promise that in the end, in the long term, it’ll be completely worth it.

P.S. This doesn’t apply to goals or dreams. I don’t think you should ever quit on that. But if there’s something standing in your way of achieving those goals or dreams, then yes, by all means. Quit away.

My top 10 vacation moments (and a giveaway)

I’ve been lucky. I’ve had lots of opportunities to travel and explore and see different things. However, when I was asked to write about the most exciting vacation I’ve ever taken, I drew a blank. I just couldn’t. Because they’ve all been exciting in their own way.

Instead, I decided to write a list of my top 10 exciting vacation moments (in no particular order except the way they popped into my head). For your entertainment, I’ve also decided to include the year, the location, and my age at the time of said moment.

Let’s get started. Jana’s Top 10 Vacation Moments in No Particular Order:

  1. Walking the plank of a pirate ship (age 10, 1988, Aruba)
  2. Participating in a toilet paper/rotten egg/tomato fight with the Coast Guard, honoring Key West’s brief cessation from the U.S. (age 28, 2006, Key West, FL)
  3. Standing on a glacier (age 16, 1993, somewhere in Canada)
  4. Sleeping on a Native American reservation and all that goes with it, excluding the trauma of the porta-potty but including sitting on rocks watching wild horses frolic (age 16, 1993, Wyoming)
  5. Visiting Carcassonne, an ancient town built into a fort (age 17, 1994, France)
  6. Achieving second place in a beer chugging contest (age 22, 2000, Cancun). Note: I am particularly proud of this one. It was beer in a yard glass. 
  7. Accidentally attending a funeral at the Notre Dame (age 17, 1994, France)
  8. Watching my daughter’s face the whole time (age 34, 2012, Disney World)
  9. Winning money in the casino on our honeymoon despite my husband’s poor advice (age 26, 2004, Bahamas) Note: I almost never gamble so this was a big deal. I don’t even participate in football or basketball pools. 
  10. Staying an a house with an elevator and a wrap around porch on the top of the house (age 31, 2009, Outer Banks, NC)

So that’s just the top 10. I could have included seeing the Grand Canyon or Niagara Falls or whitewater rafting or almost drowning in a kayak (don’t judge me) or seeing a woman pee in the middle of the street in Santa Barbara or a whole host of other moments that remind me why going on vacation is so amazing (well, the peeing thing was kind of gross but 20 years later, I still remember it). I’d love to hear about your favorite or most exciting vacation moment so please let me know in the comments below (this is also important to what’s coming up next). 

August Blog GiveawayAnd now, something exciting–a giveaway. Of money. All you have to do it fill in the entry form below and you’re entered. Simple, right? Oh, and did I mention first prize is $500? That’s a lot of money to put towards a vacation (or anything else you want).

A few quick notes: 1) the money will be paid via PayPal so make sure you have a valid PayPal address; 2) this contest is open to anyone, not just US residents; 3) all terms and conditions are included in the RaffleCopter widget, should you want to read them; and 4) all entries are optional. You can use all the methods or just a selected few. Entirely up to you.

So what are you waiting for? Enter now!

a Rafflecopter giveaway