Jana Says

Living life from cover to cover

Life

Do things right. And don’t lie.

someecards.com - I'm sorry for making you feel like you don't do anything right, when you're doing things wrong.Here’s a few things you probably need to know about me: one of my Bachelors degrees (I received 2 simultaneously) is in criminal justice. I spent approximately 5 years working in the juvenile justice system. I then spent 3 years as an investigator for Medicaid. The takeaway? I have a very clear sense of right and wrong, and I believe that certain rules exist for a reason and need to be followed.

Also, I hate lying.

So when yesterday happened, and the purchase of our new home went south because not only did the sellers make an addition to their house illegally (and as an added bonus, they’re refusing to pay to fix it. Meaning that if my husband and I were to buy the house, we’d inherit this rather expensive problem), they lied about it on the sellers’ disclosure, I maybe went a little apeshit . Okay, fine. A lot apeshit. But it wasn’t without good reason. You see, my family was counting on the purchase of that house so WE COULD HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE. Because our house sold. And we settle in a month, meaning that now instead of moving into a new house, we have no place to live. Except maybe in the boxes we have sitting in our garage that we were supposed to use for moving.

So that’s awesome.

But what bothers me the most, besides the whole impending homelessness and money we’ve wasted and the lawsuit we’ll probably have to bring against the current owners in order to get said money back, is that this whole problem would have been solved if they had just paid the $40 permit fee when they made the addition. $40. That’s all it would have cost. And when you consider the thousands they were already shelling out, an additional $40 would have been a drop in the bucket. It would have ensured that they followed the rules, did things correctly, and this problem wouldn’t exist.

But I guess it’s more fun to do things illegally and hope you never get caught than to follow the rules. Which maybe it is. Except it’s not. Not when it comes to safety and following the law as it pertains to amending your home. Because those laws and protocols are there for a reason. And I don’t care who you are, you are not exempt from them. Despite what you might think.

As for the lying, this is why you don’t lie. You will get caught. And the repercussions will be way worse than if you had just told the truth upfront. My father always told me that I’d get in more trouble for lying than I would for anything I did (disclosure: I’m was am huge nerd and I never did anything that I could have gotten in trouble for. Except that one time in high school I came home really, really drunk. And then maybe a couple of other things that maybe I shouldn’t talk about). So I never lied. Because I was more afraid of the consequences for that than anything else.

It’s too bad the sellers didn’t feel the same way. They’re clearly not afraid of the consequences which makes me sad. They clearly believe that their claim of ignorance of the law will be enough to absolve them of their actions. And they clearly think that their mistake is someone else’s to clean up.

To quote the great Dwight Schrute–False. All of those assumptions are false. That goes for anyone who puts themselves in that particular situation. If you create a problem by breaking the rules and then lying about it, it will not be someone else’s job to fix. It is yours. You need to take ownership of what you did. It’s part of personal responsibility and it’s part of being an adult. And for all the kids and teenagers out there who want to feel more grown up, this is a fabulous way to start. The beer and makeup can happen later.

As for my situation, we’re working on buying another house and looking at rentals simultaneously. We’re not actually going to be homeless. Just…inconvenienced if we can’t buy a new home right away. The inconvenience factor is a post in and of itself. Because despite what people may say, it’s not that easy when you have a school-aged child and 2 dogs. And that’s a post unto itself (which it will be. So check back on Monday for that).

So, please. Just do shit legally and according to code the first time you do. And if you don’t, be honest about it. Because when you don’t and you lie, you wind up hurting a lot of people in the process.

 

 

I’m in a book!

A while back, a blogger I respect a lot, Carrie from Careful Cents, wrote a post about how she increased her freelance income by more than $2000 per month (totally go check this post out. And the rest of her site. It’s got good, good stuff). One of the key points was to say yes more often. It’s a point that stuck with me since I first read it.

It’s hard for me to say yes to opportunities. I have a variety of trust issues regarding people. I’m terrible with taking chances and seizing opportunities. Some of the reasons for this stem from my own insecurities; some of them stem from experience. And, also when it comes to my career and success, I’m a pretty pessimistic person, which is attributed mainly to my lack of self-confidence

This last part is perhaps the most dangerous when you’re trying to make a living as a freelancer. When you’re trying to freelance, you need to be confident in your skills and knowledge. You need to have a thick skin. You need to network, take risks, and make opportunities come to you as well as create your own. Not an easy thing to do when you’re a textbook introvert, new people make your nervous, and you get overwhelmed easily.

But I’m working on it. Every day, I work on it. It’s getting better but I have a long, long way to go. And in the back of my mind is always Carrie’s point about saying yes.

21 Days to Healthier Finances

I’m in this book. You should read it to find out where. Like Where’s Waldo, except easier.

Which is why, when the nice guys at Credit Forums (a sort of local company. They’re based in Philly) approached me about writing a page for their newest guide, I agreed to do it. Well, I hesitated at first and did some research but I agreed to do it. I figured it was a great way to get some practice writing for a book, which is ultimately what I want to do, and who knows what else it could lead to? Everyone has to start somewhere. Why not start here?

And, I’m not going to lie to you, a bunch of really selfish factors got tossed in the mix of reasons I said yes. I’m glad I did, too, because not only has it panned out but it’s a quality finished product that I’m really proud to be a part of (and one of the other contributors is my very first mentee, Pauline, from Reach Financial Independence so that’s extra aca-awesome).

Oh, the best part? You guys get a copy of the guide, 21 Days to Healthier Finances, for free just by following this link. You don’t have to sign up for anything, register, give any information to access the guide (although there are bonus chapters that you get if you register by email. Totally your call).

It’s a really quick and easy guide to read and it gives a number of tips from a variety of experts on getting your finances under control if that’s something you’re interested it. Or, you can read it just to see what I wrote. That’s cool, too.

And, apropos of nothing except I totally ripped off the title of this post from it, here’s the video of The Lonely Island’s “I’m On a Boat”:

A few thoughts on grieving and depression

Last week, in what I assume was an attempt to comment on the death of Cory Monteith, a woman I know commented on Facebook that the only deaths we should mourn are the unpreventable ones like murder, illness, and the like. That's right. She feels that those who die from a drug overdose, suicide, or anything that she's decided is preventable should not be mourned. Not by their families, friends, co-workers or anyone else. Because it was their choice to die.

It took every ounce of self-control I have not to tell her how I really feel. Because how dare she state that people like my next-door neighbor–a father, former public school teacher, and Afghan war vet who killed himself 2 months ago–do not deserve to be mourned. Or the middle and high school kids who can no longer stand the incessant bullying and can't see it ever getting better so they commit suicide. Or the addicts who are so deep into their addiction that their last high kills them.

They do deserve to be mourned. They deserve to be mourned because they lived. They deserve to be mourned because they were loved. They deserve to be mourned because mental illness and addiction are horrible diseases that, when you're in the throes, have such a stranglehold you begin to feel like a hostage. They deserve to be mourned because often, the problem is so deep and the affected suffers in silence because they just don't feel like anyone will understand. They deserve to be mourned because, as a society, we're so quick to dismiss mental illness. Particularly depression.

Don't believe me? Here's a smattering of what I was told when I was in the thick of mine:

“You need to learn to live with it and get back to work.”

“You can be happy if you really want to.”

“Everyone has depression. You're not any different.”

“You can get up and out of bed every day. It must not be that bad.”

“I known exactly how you feel.”

Some of those were said to me by medical professionals. I'll let you decide which ones. And because medical professionals have this attitude towards depression and other mental illnesses, it's no wonder so many people go untreated (those who are medicated or over-medicated or self-diagnosed or whatever is a totally separate discussion).

It doesn't help that well meaning “experts” and bloggers have permeated our culture with self-help books and blog posts and inspirational quotes telling us that depression really is just something we can cure if we want to. These individuals make us feel like it's a character flaw; that we're deficient in self-esteem or have some other weakness that causes depression. It's somehow our fault that we feel this way.

Bull shit. No one asks to be depressed–and I'm not just talking blue, I'm talking depressed (and to the lady shopping at The Body Shop who professed that she was depressed over the fact that the mall has a Cheesecake Factory and she had eaten elsewhere, I want to say, to paraphrase Fat Amy, not a good enough reason to use “depressed”)–because it. Is. The. Worst. It sucks to cry for no reason. It sucks to have zero motivation for anything. It sucks to feel unloved. It sucks to stop enjoying everything you once did. It sucks to be unable to laugh or feel most emotion except excessive sadness. It sucks to live in your own head, listening to the chorus of voices telling you that you don't matter (I've written before about what my depression looks like. Please read it if you have a chance).

And that? Is not easy to just “get over”. Because if it were, I, and so many others, would do just that. We'd put all the horrifying feelings and misery behind us and move on. We'd magically smile and laugh and start loving life again. It'd be easy to take a shower or walk the dog or go to work or do anything that's not sit on a couch or curl up in our beds, blocking out everything. Please realize this–even if a depressed person is engaging in those activities, it's exhausting for us. It takes every ounce of strength to feign acting normal and, when that's over, we're back in our pajamas, in the same corner on the couch. Because we don't know what else to do.

Depression isn't a choice. Who would choose to live in a perpetual state of numbness and sadness? No, depression is a disease. It's a chemical imbalance. And it's fucking torture. And it breaks my heart that so many people are suffering from this personal hell and the only escape they feel they have is suicide.

So to the Facebook woman, I say this–fuck you. If you don't want to mourn a celebrity who died of an overdose, then don't. But to say that anyone who dies from a reason you deem unacceptable doesn't deserve to be mourned shows what a compassionless asshole you actually are. And I hope you never know what it's like to have or love someone who has a mental illness or addiction. Because I can't imagine what you'd say then.

 

10 reasons why CandyLand is the best board game ever

 

Candy-Land-Wallpaper-candy-land-2020333-1024-768Board games are a favorite family activity in my house. In fact, as I type this, my daughter asked if we could play PayDay. Which is fun and it teaches about money so there’s actually a purpose (if you’re into that as a selling point). And that’s how we roll in my house.

Seriously, what’s not to like about board games? That’s right. Nothing. Pretty much everything about them is great. Except Monoploy. Monopoly is evil and should be destroyed. We only play it if we feel like fighting because really, who doesn’t need a good fight over a game involving plastic hotels and free parking?

Clearly we do. Because why not.

However, there’s one game that I maintain is better than all the rest. And that game is CandyLand. I mean, you just can’t argue with this logic:

  1. No reading involved. Not even for directions.
  2. Easily converted into a drinking game.
  3. Gingerbread men game pieces.
  4. Super cheap to buy. And you can buy it anywhere, pretty much. I’m fairly certain I saw it at a 7-11 or gas station.
  5. Even if you’re losing the whole time, you can win with the pull of one card.
  6. It’s such a tedious paced game, time slows down. And who doesn’t want to feel in control of time? That’s a kick ass superpower.
  7. So. Many. Pretty. Colors.
  8. The satisfaction of seeing an opponent get stuck in molasses while you hop over them with a double square.
  9. Designed by a woman. Recovering from polio. In 1945.
  10. It’s also in the toy hall of fame (so is the stick. Like an actual stick. From a tree. So you know the standards for induction are crazy high).

So. CandyLand. You can’t beat it.

 

9 things I didn’t know until I watched Pitch Perfect

I like to think I know things. Lots of things. But every now and then, something comes along and informs me that, in fact, I do not know as many things as I think. That recently happened with the movie Pitch Perfect which maybe I can’t stop watching because I’m a little sad and bored and also it’s a great movie.

So I’ve assembled what I’ve learned in a list because I like lists and also because I always wanted one of those “All I Needed to Know I Learned From My Cat” posters when I was younger but never had because I wasn’t allowed to hang things on the walls of my room (except for one year and maybe I went a little crazy hanging posters of the long haired beauties of late 80s hair bands and then my parents made me cull the herd). Anyway.

Here’s my list of “9 Things I Didn’t Know Until I Watched Pitch Perfect“:

  1. It’s acceptable to barge in on someone in the shower and compel them to sing while completely naked. And have them do it. The next time I’m in the vicinity of Matt Damon while he’s in the shower, I’m totally copying this technique.
  2. Elizabeth Banks and John Michael Higgins need to do color commentary for everything. EVERYTHING. The State of the Union would be so much more exciting–and watched–if you brought them in. Think about it.
  3. Random, empty swimming pools make not only excellent locations for parties but the acoustics are outstanding and make great rehearsal spots. Now I know how to make extra cash off my pool.
  4. Horizontal running and mermaid dancing are activities that really need to catch on as exercise trends. Immediately. I mean, they’re certainly better than this.
  5. The Breakfast Club is, in fact, the greatest movie in the history of time (which I already knew but Pitch Perfect reinforced). It has social commentary, humor and heals fractured relationships. That’s a quality film, y’all.
  6. Stress induced projectile vomiting is both disturbing and hilarious. And kind of impressive.
  7. The world needs more Fat Amys.
  8. It doesn’t matter what other people say or do to you. If you’re doing what you love, keep doing it. Don’t give up. Success will come to you. Although maybe, if you’re randomly conjuring birds and hamsters, dial that back a bit.
  9. Moderately attractive guys who can sing and are funny will almost always trump spectacular looking guys with no sense or humor or discernible talent. Because this:

someecards.com - If you're funny, you're automatically 79% more attractive. Beauty fades but sarcasm is forever.

So there you have it. Things I didn’t know but do now. And now you know them, too.

You’re welcome.