Jana Says

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Life

Ramble on

Brace yourselves. It’s a Jana rant and ramble coming full speed ahead.

It’s been almost 2 weeks since my last post. Some of that is due to laziness, some of it is due to end-of-summer-let’s-cram-in-everything-possible madness, and some of it is due the absolute endless dumpster fire that is this country. My brain is on fire, my soul aches, my patience is gone, my blood is hot, and I continually feel every emotion possible EVERY SINGLE DAY. I’ve been trying to work out the words to explain my thoughts and feelings but each time I try, I come away in tears and have to stop. You guys. I’m Jewish. Never in my life have I been this scared to be a Jew in this country. Have I dealt with ignorance and idiots and a lack of understanding and been treated like a freak on display? Absolutely, yes, constantly and still to this day. And I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been told “you don’t look Jewish”. But that doesn’t matter. Because when I can watch the news and actually utter the phrase “I’ve never been so glad to have a non-Jewish sounding last name”, you know American anti-Semitism (yes, WordPress. It’s a real fucking word and the hyphen is supposed to be there. Stop with the red squiggly line yelling at me that I’m wrong) has reached a new level. Is it on par with the hate and vitriol other groups receive? Not in the least. I still have the comfort of white skin and I acknowledge that. But if something isn’t done, AND SOON, I don’t know how much longer I can say that. We’re all at risk in one way or another and if I’m being honest, arresting and charging the neo-Nazi featured on that VICE news segment isn’t going to help anything. It will fuel their already white hot hate fire. I’m not saying he should get away with anything; I’m just saying we need to brace ourselves for backlash. This isn’t a man who’s going to turn to his followers and say “do the right thing”. This is a man who’s going to turn to his followers and say “do the right thing”. 

We all know they have very different meanings. 

And the worst part is we have an unqualified man in a position of leadership who, instead of using that position to heal, uses it DAILY to divide and spread his hateful agenda. We all know this. And we all know why. He’s doing it because he aspires to be a fascist tyrant rather than a leader. He hurls insults and temper tantrums at anyone and everyone who doesn’t kiss his ass or even attempts to express slightly different opinion.  We all know that he wants to go to war because he wants his turn. He’s jealous of the praise and accolades heaped on Obama before, during, and after his presidency, and the man occupying that chair now can’t handle it. He wants it for himself, no matter how undeserving, and he’s obsessed with popularity rather than actually doing his fucking job. He doesn’t care how many people he has to hurt, harm, or isolate to get his way. He’s a spoiled petulant hateful child with anger issues, a lack of compassion and now, nuclear codes and the overt support of white supremacists with whom he sympathizes. 

Not sure which one is worse. 

While my anger continues to simmer, I have gotten to the point of oversaturation. I can’t stop consuming news and information because I need to know. I want to know. I HAVE TO KNOW what’s happening because my concern is that if I stop paying attention, I’ll miss something crucial. But it never ever fucking stops. We never get a rest or reprieve. Hell, even as I write this, we’re dealing with the fallout from his Arizona speech, the transgender military ban, and an active shooter in downtown Charlestown.  My brain cannot take one more detail or one more issues to be angry about but how do you stop when the world around you is burning down and while you might have a small platform, you still have a voice and a space to do something about it even if that something is vent so others don’t feel like they’re alone?

I guess, like an oversaturated towel, you wring yourself out, dry off a bit and get back to work. 

That’s pretty much where I am now. But I don’t know how to do that. Talking about the mundane, unimportant things like the fact that I ate probably the most delicious donut of my life last weekend feels like I’m neglecting what I should be talking about but at the same time, I can’t live in this cesspool all the time. It’s not healthy. I have to talk about other things. I have to maintain sanity because if I lose my shit, if I can’t stay informed and vigilant, I’m useless. 

I know I’ll figure it out. 

Eventually. 

And if you have any tips or suggestions, I’m all ears. 

P.S. Does anyone else have this go through their head every time 45 opens his mouth?

Charlottesville

My blog is my safe space and I'm in no mood to argue with people on FB so if you wanted to know my thoughts on Charlottesville, well, here you go.

I don't need to recap in detail what happened in Charlottesville over the weekend. Everyone's already aware that a bunch of neo-Nazi white supremacist racist assholes protested in a "Unite the Right" gathering the removal of a Robert E. Lee statue. But let's be clear. That wasn't what they were doing.

And we all know it.

What happened wasn't about a statue or uniting a political party. No. It was about attempting to instill fear and oppression into groups that are already institutionally marginalized in this country. And it could have worked too if more people were ambivalent and didn't give a shit. But, surprise, motherfuckers! We've progressed to the point that overt Nazism and racism will be met with loud, outspoken opposition. LOVE TRUMPS HATE. Because if it doesn't, if we stay silent, we're aiding and abetting.

I could spend time commenting on 45's lack of condemnation and vague words and how ineffective he is in every capacity and how his subtle and blatant anti-Semitism and racism and xenophobia have emboldened and empowered the white supremacists but I'm not going to do that. He gets too much attention as it is. Rather, what I'm going to say is this.

If you want to be a racist, FINE. If you want to be anti-Semitic, FINE. If you want to spend your weekends spreading messages of hate and invoking the first amendment so you can do so, FINE. I can't stop you. But do not FOR ONE MINUTE expect that your words will not be met with resistance and that we will not do so with the same protections you covet despite your and your White House ally's attempts to silence us.

Because we will not be silenced.

We speak loud and clear and far.

There is no room in this country for that kind of hate. There simply isn't.

And we're going to keep reminding you.

In the name of Heather and everyone else who stood up to you and your hate in Charlottesville. We owe it to her and them.

Weekly six-pack, 2017, v22

Nothing makes me really just how boring I truly am like these weekly recaps. But they're fun and a good reminder of my life so there's that.

Reading. Ill Will by Dan Chaon. Picked up The Readymade Thief, added a few to the library holds list, and my TBR is bursting at the seams. A culling is in order. Thanks to everyone who joined us for Show Us Your Books and the next one is September 12.

Drinking. Iced coffee. Gallons of iced coffee. It's becoming an issue.

Listening. Dylan Marron's Conversations with People Who Hate Me is fucking phenomenal. There's only 2 episodes thus far and I implore you to listen.

Diving. Right back into cheer mom responsibilities. The 6 week reprieve was lovely. I miss it already.

Raging. Let's get petty, shall we? Because I can't with the playground meet me at 3:00 after school fight between the two manchildren madmen that's currently compromising the safety and security of our entire planet. Rather, let's focus on WHY THE FUCK supermarkets have Halloween displays. This is ridiculous and inappropriate and unnecessary. Why are we in such a damn rush to get to the next thing? We haven't even started school yet! Look. I am a planner. I like to be prepared and I hate surprises. But this is bullshit. With all the talk of slowing down and living in the moment, retail works in complete opposition to that. All for a dollar or two. And it makes me so fucking angry.

Laughing.

Have a great weekend! I'll see you back on Tuesday with another round of bookish questions I stole borrowed from Litsy!

Weekly six-pack, 2017, v21

Hey! Remember me? I used to write regularly and then I abruptly stopped for no reason other than I have become incredibly lazy with nothing interesting to say. But I figured I'd stop by and recap a bit what's been going on. 

Reading. Lots of books. Picked up one new one from NetGalley (The Cuban Affair by Nelson DeMille) and have dwindled the library pile down to 3 but I think I need to let one go. It's just too…something for me right now and I can't do it. Next Show Us Your Books is August 8.

Watching. Ozark. It's a Netflix show with Jason Bateman and Laura Linney and it's absolutely excellent. If you have a chance, I highly recommend it. I've also been watching Snowfall, I'm Dying Up Here, and I am really looking forward to the new season of Ray Donovan

Eating. A new tomato sauce made with diced tomatoes, butter, a little bit of sugar, salt, and pepper. I have been purposefully making foods I can put it on almost daily. It's amazing. 

Grieving. Chester Bennington. I was on my way home from Myrtle Beach, listening to the OJ parole hearing (yes. I did) and scrolling through IG when I learned that yet another amazing and talented performer took his own life. I've written extensively about this topic but I feel the need to address it again. As someone who battles depression, it absolutely breaks my heart that someone's demons can make them feel they're not worthy of life. DEPRESSION LIES. It lies so hard. And not just to famous people. It doesn't care who you are, how much money you have, what you look like, or anything else. It's an unfortunate equalizer and I wish there was more I can do to make anyone suffering realize that they matter. Their lives matter. People want you here. I want you here, even if we've never met. I care about you. And if anything comes from Chester's death, it's more awareness of depression and suicide and hopefully it opens up avenues for discussion and awareness and education. Break the stigma. People's lives literally depend on it. 

Raging. Rehashing and recapping the horrors that 45 continues to inflict on this country is futile because as soon as you write about one thing, something new happens and it's a never ending shit cycle. You all know what's going on and I'm confident you're as appalled and disgusted as I am. Because the kind of hatred that he incites is despicable. It's beyond the pale. And it's fucking fascism. And if you don't think that what's going on smells like what happened in Germany, then we need to talk. And do not tell me that it's appropriating the term "Nazi". It's not. Nazism was born from a very specific political agenda rooted in hatred and authoritarianism and people being complicit and in denial and does that sound familiar? IT SHOULD BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE. And I cannot take it one day longer. I live outraged on a daily basis due to the incomprehensible and inexplicable hatred of anyone who's not a rich white man. I don't fucking get it. Poor people, women, LGBT people…I simply cannot wrap my head around why their existence is so offensive and means that they are undeserving of basic decency and respect and access to services like food and health care. It violates the Judeo-Christian beliefs that he and his supporters and those afraid of him so openly and conveniently use when it fits their hateful and spiteful agenda and it makes me angry and sad and frustrated. The only comfort I have is knowing I'm not the only one and those with bigger and louder voices than me are using them to openly confront this despicable behavior. And also? The fucking Mets traded Lucas Duda. There really is no justice in this world. 

Laughing. So, to offset all the rage, here's what's making me laugh:

So that's the latest. I'm hoping to get back to normal at some point soon. I miss you guys and I hope you all are doing well and I can't wait to catch up! 

Weekly six-pack, v20

I don’t even know if I can fill up 6 categories this week but we’ll try.  Again, I’m not touching the horrendous dumpster fire of our government because I still just can’t.

Reading. A Brief History of Seven Killings. Picked up nothing from the library but added Artemis to the ever expanding NetGalley queue. Thanks to everyone who participated in SUYB. Next one is August 8.

Watching. Well, hate watching. American Ninja Warrior. This show makes me crazy and the announcers are obnoxious and the sideline “reporter” is a fucking idiot but my family enjoys this show so I watch and snark the whole time.

Buying. Things on Amazon prime day. Pre-ordered the newest Kopp sisters, bought some Babysitter’s Club books for the child, and a neck pillow for our painfully long drive to Myrtle Beach next week. Thought about getting some other things but I get purchase paralysis and always wind up not getting anything frivolous. I don’t know how to make this stop. 

Loving. That my kid went to camp this week. Even if it was just in the afternoons it was the best money I’ll spend all summer. It was good for all of us. 

Not loving. My dog’s new need to go outside EVERY SINGLE NIGHT at like 1AM. He’s old so I know he can’t help it but good lord is it annoying. And he does it even if he gets a walk before bed. 

Laughing.


Have a great weekend and week! I’ll see y’all when I get back from vacation!