Jana Says

Living life from cover to cover

It’s my birthday and I’ll philosophize if I want to

I KNOW! A Monday post from me! But it’s my birthday and I do what I want. 

So, a few weeks ago, someone found my site by searching for “don’t give a fuck anymore”. I hope they meant it in a good way, like the Sarah Knight Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck way and not in a mental health depression way because that makes me concerned and I hope they’re okay, but either way, this is clearly a topic that’s near and dear to my heart. I know I’ve written about things I don’t care about before (you can read a couple of my favorites here and here and here) but in honor of my 40th birthday, here’s yet another incomplete list of things that I’ve learned are completely unimportant and a list of things that are and they’re in no particular order or even separate lists or because that’s how my mind works now. 

  • How much money you make. I’ve met rich people who are stingy assholes and poor people who would give you their last and only sandwich. It’s not about how much money you have. It’s about what you do with it and how you treat people. 
  • Speaking of money, if it’s not my budget, it’s not my business. I give zero fucks about how other people choose to spend their money and you will get zero judgment from me if you make a choice I wouldn’t. I might not understand your choice or make that one for myself but I don’t have to live with your wallet. 
  • Your religion. Okay, that sounds wrong. But what I mean is that I don’t care who or what you worship, or if you worship at all, because it genuinely doesn’t matter to me. We can be friends regardless as long as you’re not harming anyone or leading a cult. 
  • What you feed your kids (if you have them). Are they fed? Good. 
  • Speaking of kids, it’s unimportant to me how many you have or if you have them at all. I love my non-parent friends as much as my parent friends and I also believe that having kids doesn’t make you superior to anyone and that having 5 kids doesn’t make you superior to those with 1. It’s not a fucking contest. It does take a village so let’s all work together to raise a generation of caring, compassionate, driven, helpful, decent people. 
  • Comparing myself, my situation, my progress, my kid, my anything to anyone else. I do me. You do you. There’s room for all of us to succeed and be happy. I’ve said it before and it bears repeating: success is not a finite resource. It’s not cake. 
  • Take risks. Or don’t. It’s up to you and what you feel comfortable with and I don’t care one way or the other. I just want you to be happy with your choices and if you want to do something that scares you, I’ll be there to support you. I will encourage but never pressure and if staying in your comfort bubble makes you happy, then I’ll support that, too. 
  • One more thing about kids and this one is preachy rather than an important vs. unimportant musing. If you choose to have them, remember that they are not there to fix your past mistakes or live your missed opportunities. They are their own people with their own minds and interests and gifts and talents. Your kids’ accomplishments are your kids’ accomplishments. They are not yours. Be proud of them, encourage them, and provide options and opportunities as time and money allow for it. But let them make their own choices. 
  • Social status, or perceived social status, is an absolute load of shit. We don’t live in a caste system, no one is better than anyone, and how you treat animals, service and retail workers, and the elderly will tell me more about you than anything else.  
  • Other’s opinions of you, at the end of the day, don’t matter. It means nothing to me if someone thinks I’m fat or lazy or the grammar police or a terrible mother or a good mother or funny or anything else. I have to look in the mirror at the end of the day and be okay with myself and how I lived that day. 

For more of what I believe, you can also read my 14 Commandments, life lessons from my grandfather, and 38 pearls of wisdom (I wrote that on my 38th birthday). 

Let me be clear that my beliefs, my thoughts, and my opinions are fluid and when I turn 50, they might change. Most likely not but I’m open minded and I’m willing to see what the next 10 years have in store. 

And now that my brain is exhausted from all this deep stuff, I will eat carrot cake and take a nap because that’s how you celebrate your birthday when you’re 40.

16 Comments

  1. Linda Sheridan

    Happiest 40th 🎂 to you❣️ I agree with all of the
    Above! Life will keep getting better and better.
    Love, Steph’s Momma

    Reply
  2. Audrey

    Solid advice. Or maybe solid words of wisdom? I don’t know. As long as people are do what makes them happy and not harming others in the process, I think that’s great for them.

    Hope you have a happy, happy birthday!!
    Audrey recently posted…Currently…My Profile

    Reply
  3. Stephanie

    Andrew Keegan now runs a cult in Venice Beach, down the street from where my best friend now lives. We might join it. ’cause Andrew Keegan. #NoJudgment.

    Reply
  4. kathy @ more coffee, less talky

    happy birthday!!!! i think our age is when you truly realize what life is all about and how liberating it is to seriously give zero shits about crap that doesn’t matter.

    Reply
  5. Rebecca Jo

    This is all why I think you are an amazing human being…
    Hope you have a WONDERFUL birthday!!!! Live it up today doing exactly what you want!!!

    Reply
  6. Jenn @ Optimization, Actually

    Happy birthday! A nap sounds heavenly – good choice. These are all good but the one that caught my interest was “how you treat animals, service and retail workers, and the elderly will tell me more about you than anything else.” Yes!!! My friend’s husband is always shitty to and complaining about servers in restaurants and I have nothing else to base my dislike of him on, but I feel that’s enough.

    “You do you” and “good for you, not for me” are sayings I need to use more often. We can be totally different and it doesn’t reflect negatively on either of us.

    Reply
  7. SMD

    Success is NOT cake, but carrot cake is an awesome birthday celebration.

    Love this list and you. Happy 40th!

    Reply
  8. Ali A

    Happy birthday! And, PREACCCCCCCCCCCH. One thing that comes with age is really understanding, learning and following these little life guidelines. I cared so much about what people thought of me, how I was perceived and what I did in my 20s and now? I just DGAF — in a good way. I care about being a good person and a good friend/daughter/sister/aunt/etc. and not about trivial bullshit. THAT’S how you win at life.

    Reply
  9. Heather

    Happy 40th birthday Jana!! This post is great – lots of wonderful thoughts. I wish we could all be that open-minded!!
    Hope you enjoy the carrot cake & nap and maybe a good book too!!!

    Reply
  10. Nadine

    Love these!!! I have to agree that I could care less how much or how little money someone has, it is more about their integrity as a person. And one should never force their kids to do things because the parent is trying to live through them. Agreed!

    Happy Birthday!!! I hope you have a wonderful day!

    Reply
  11. Tonya@Budget and the Beach

    Good philosophy! First of all happy birthday! Welcome to 40! I’m glad you brought up the kids thing because I swear there does seem to be some kind of superiority complex that some people with kids have over ones with no kids!

    Reply
  12. Donna Freedman

    The older I get, the more I understand that in fact no one CAN understand everything there is to know. But I’ve also discovered a new delight of the aging process: the fucks-I-give counter is set at negative 3,000 for sooo many things. Issues that used to tie me in knots no longer really signify.

    Happy 40th, and I hope you get the piece of cake with the biggest frosting rose on it.
    Donna Freedman recently posted…‘Your Playbook For Tough Times, Vol. 2’ is here!My Profile

    Reply
  13. Ericka @ A Quiet Girl's Musings...

    Happy 40th Birthday to you! Good philosophies and observations!

    Reply
  14. Christina

    PREACH! I agree with every single thing. I actually drafted a post about unsolicited advice (based on my last blog post) and wrote an almost identical sentence to yours above about not caring what people think. It was something like “It’s ok if you think I’m fat or wear ugly clothes or don’t write with perfect grammar, etc.” Ha! I constantly want to yell at people to stay in their lane. It boggles my mind (and makes me kinda sad) when people can’t just live their own lives.

    Reply
  15. Brittany Pines

    I may love the disclaimer at the end (about being allowed to change) more than anything else in this post. That’s such an important thing to realize (for yourself and others).

    Reply
    1. Brittany Pines

      And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!

      Reply

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